As I was worrying this morning about having exactly $5 in my bank account, and no gas in the car or food in the fridge, it came to me: I have become a junkie.

This is worrisome.

If I were into alcohol or drugs, there would be tons of organizations who could help me. If I were addicted to sex or gambling at least I’d make new “friends” regularly. If I were addicted to shopping I’d be well dressed.

None of that.

I am so obsessed with getting my Fair Trade embroidery project off the ground (after wasting investing nearly a year and $12,000 in it,) I am beginning to show the signs of a bona fide addiction.

Seriously: I took a drug addiction questionnaire and just replaced “drug use” with “embroidery”.

It’s scary.

Does your embroidery cause feelings of guilt?

You bet your sweet ass it does: there is not one piece of fruit in the house for C, we ran out of generic Froot Loops yesterday, the car doesn’t have enough gasoline in it to finish the week, and this is all because I spent half of my (already meager) weekly income in supplies and labor, knowing full well I would not have enough for the basics if I did. I feel like SHIT. But I needed to have those cushion fillers made, and I chose.

Has your embroidery ended relationships with friends?

Not yet, but it will soon, the way I’m pulling favors left right and center. “Can I use your scanner?” “Can you take this bag of fabric across town for me?” “Can you pick C up from daycare and feed him dinner? Two days in a row? What about three?” I’m getting some blue-pencilly looks, and people are taking longer and longer to answer my texts and emails. I totally understand – I have become a pest. 

Do you find yourself neglecting your family because of your embroidery?

Oh, do I. Did you read the one about child labor? And the one about failing the most sacred motherly duty? Yeah. Enough said.

Has your embroidery resulted in problems between you and your family members or friends?

Um… yeah. Major. Let’s not even go there.

Do your family members or friends ever complain about your embroidery?

My mom is always ready with a snide remark about my “poor women” and my “dead people’s clothes” (I tried to work with recycled fabric at first) and “why don’t you do something related to your career?” Not long till she tells me to get a haircut and get a real job. I mean, she doesn’t have to support me if she really doesn’t want to, but is it so hard to keep the snide to herself? It’s only making me work harder anyway!

Has your embroidery ever contributed to you losing a job?

It might, considering the way I’ve been asking for days off and schedule changes to accomodate project-related commitments. Knock wood, I need the pittance generous wages they pay me so I can support my habit project.

When you stop your embroidery, do you experience any withdrawal symptoms or feel sick?

You should see me on the rare occasions when I run out of thread or when I am in a social occasion in which embroidering is frowned upon. Like, you know, eating dinner. I fairly twitch.

Have you seeked (sic) help for your embroidery in the past?

If you count three loans ($2K, $4K and $4K, none repaid) and countless applications for grants / funds / support / equipment, then yeah. I seek help for it constantly. Can you help me, Betty Ford?

Sometimes I kinda wish C will understand some of what’s going on, and grow up to be someone with a vision and passion and a high tolerance to exhaustion. But most of the time I kinda wish he won’t remember the shit year during which there was no food and no fun and no travel and no mama-time all because a bunch of women he will never meet need jobs and mama decided it was up to her to create them.

Hi. My name is Marie and i’m an embroidery addict.

Help!