Reason #13 – I make C drink bad formula

Reason #13 – I make C drink bad formula

Jun 01

Disclaimer: I don’t really “make” him drink anything. When C is hungry/thirsty he’ll drink battery acid if it comes in a bottle (not that I’ve tried giving him any.) My point is that you have to pry food out of his freakishly strong little hands, not “make” him take it.

Moving on.

C has been drinking formula since he was a few days old*. At first it was all joy, burps and diapers, but for some reason the formula started disagreeing with him after a couple of months. I’ll spare you the very painful details. We ended up in tears at the vet’s doctor’s office (why do I keep doing that?) He inferred from the rock-like output that C might be allergic to protein, and suggested we try hypoallergenic formula.

It worked like a charm.

But hoo, boy, isn’t hypoallergenic formula ex-PEN-sive! And we’re not talking about a tin or two a month, not with C’s gargantuan appetite. We’re talking crates and crates of the most expensive white powder I’ve seen since… um… gold ash? (thank you Google.)

Of course no expense is too high to ensure my boy’s well-being. I buy the stuff by the pallet and live on vegetable peels and water – money spent on feeding lil Blue Eyes is money well spent, and I still have some baby weight to lose anyway. Yet even a mother’s love (and budget) has its limits, and mine were tested by this clever disclaimer courtesy of Mead Johnson:

Once prepared, formula can spoil quickly. Feed immediately after preparation. Do not use prepared formula if it is un-refrigerated for more than a total of 2 hours. After feeding begins use within 1 hour and do not refrigerate feeding bottle. Throw away prepared formula left in the bottle and clean the utensils.

C doesn’t look like me at all, but he takes after me in a few things, and one of them is that we are grazers. We can put back a 4-course meal as well as the next Michelin reviewer, but sometimes all we want is a snack: a couple of olives, a square of chocolate, maybe an ounce or two of nice cool hypoallergenic formula. Yum.

This is when Mead Johnson wants me to throw out the remaining 3, sometimes even 5 ounces. Are they serious? That stuff is more expensive by the ounce than Moët! What is this, the Grand Prix? Should I shake it up and pour it all over myself too?

My rule of thumb is this: if there are 2 or more ounces left, it goes in the fridge for up to 6 hours. By Jove, he will drink the rest later, and I don’t care if it goes bad. I can always yell at it “Bad formula! Bad!” and smack it with a rolled-up newspaper.

As a matter of fact, C may have inherited something else from me: a very high immunity to dubious food. So far he has not once been sick from drinking that bad, dangerous, more-than-one-hour-old formula. I hope this means someday he will be able to join me at seedy fairground food stalls, make ours two big ones with everything plus hot sauce and some of that sauerkraut that’s been there for weeks, it’s way tastier than fresh.

I hope he also gets my healthy skepticism regarding “Best Before” dates.

* “Formula? No breastfeeding? EVIL NASTY WOMAN!!!” I know, I know. It’s a long story best told on a separate post.