“A stranger is a better mom than I am” and more Bad Mom Confessions

“A stranger is a better mom than I am” and more Bad Mom Confessions

Aug 30

Welcome to the weekly Bad Mom Confessions column.
Every Monday I post two anonymous confessions received at the Bad Mom Confession Booth along with some Words of Wisdom and Forgiveness (meaning I’ll do my darnedest to make you feel better about yourself.)
Do you want your confession to be featured here? Would you like some words of forgiveness? Do you just need to let off steam? The Confession Booth is available 24/7.
Forgiveness guaranteed.
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Pearla writes:

While leaving the restroom at Knott’s Berry Farm with my 3 year old daughter Garnet following behind, I got a text from my 16 year old, Lyda, who was running loose in the park. I was paying more attention to the cell phone than to Garnet who, (and the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree here) was watching the roller coaster instead of where she was going. I heard the bump and the squeal but had no idea what had happened until a total stranger (worse, a man) told me she had banged her head on the drinking fountain while I had my face in the cell phone. What a CRAP mom!

Dear Pearla,

well done! You have just taught your younger daughter two important life lessons.

The first one is multitasking. In our ever-faster environment, a person won’t survive if they cannot walk, tweet, eat a sandwich AND put on makeup at the same time. You have given little Garnet a fine example of text-walking, and her older sister Lyda will become her role model for text-running. As your youngest grows and learns, I am sure she will stun you with her feats of text-bike-riding and text-driving. Always remember to encourage and praise.

The second lesson you have taught your Garnet is one I really should start teaching my C soon: “Life is hard.” Not just metaphorically, but literally hard. It hurts if you bump against it. MIND YOUR HEAD.

With a good peripheral vision and a hard head, your child and mine will be more than prepared for the future that awaits them.

Hope your fried chicken was good. You are forgiven.

M

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Vesta writes:

I go to “visit” my neighbor with my 1 year old baby girl Mahala. She (the neighbor) thinks we’re visiting, but I’m actually there to get a much-needed break from being “on duty”. I don’t even keep watching to see if Mahala will bump her head because my neighbor does such a fine job of that! What’s even better is when I bring Mahala for a “visit” but then go back home to work in the kitchen (antiquated but true) while my neighbor plays with my munchkin and doesn’t get any of her own cooking or cleaning done.

I feel a little bit “evil” at times and certainly a crap mom…

Dear Vesta,

what do you mean by “evil”? You are benefiting THREE people with this Goodness Trifecta!

1. Your neighbour gets to enjoy some giggle time with your adorable Mahala AND an excuse to neglect her own boring chores.

2. You get some much needed adult conversation AND some “me” time, both vital for a mom’s sanity (allow me to refer you to Reason #37 if you need help to work on this point.)

3. Little Mahala gets to have fun with your neighbour AND to enjoy a fresher, nicer mom afterwards.

Win-win-win.

You are not just forgiven, but commended!

M

Confessions may be edited for length (and grammar and spelling, because I’m a stickler.) All real names will be changed for Victorian-era pseudonyms, to make everyone sound classier.
While I do not encourage repeating any of the behaviours confessed, I will not blame anybody who sees them as “tips” rather than no-nos.
This column is called ‘Bad Mom Confessions’ for the sake of brevity and consistency, but I must stress that dads, grandparents and carers of all sorts are most welcome to use the Confession Booth.