“I don’t always use my baby’s car seat” – Bad Mom Confession
“I don’t always use my baby’s car seat” – Bad Mom Confession
Dec 27This week, a mom confesses to occasionally skipping child safety measures while driving.
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Blanche writes,
Is it bad if I don’t put my son in his car seat EVERY time we go in the car (he’s 3 mo.)? I put him in our BabyBjorn carrier, and sit in the backseat with the shoulder seatbelt strap under his butt and the waist strap between his legs and my tummy. And its only when absolutely necessary (ie, he’s already sleeping, we need the extra seat in the car, etc)
Dear Blanche,
you pose an interesting quandary.
I am tempted to say “don’t do it” mainly because your alternative measures sound like twice the work of strapping the kid in the seat. And do you really put him IN his carrier when he’s already sleeping?
But I must confess that I didn’t strap my boy into his seat on his ride home from the hospital when he was a mere day old. He seemed too fragile for the car seat belts!
The irony is not lost on me.
So: try to use the seat as much as humanly possible, because you don’t want to be NOT using it the one time it actually is necessary (knock wood.) Note I am not advising you to not use it, but I won’t give you grief for it because you will get it from everyone else anyway.
Go in peace. And drive carefully.
M
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UPDATE:
There is a follow up email from Blanche:
This is how it went: we were shopping and he fell asleep in the carrier and would have woken up had we taken him out of it. And Daddy is always really careful driving with him in the car. Again we don’t do it that often, only when it would be much more complicated to put him in the seat.
Dear Blanche:
I understand now. Our readers were much concerned by your confession, and we all agree that you should not make a habit of this. However, we also share your horror of waking a sleeping infant. It is very much a case of the devil vs. the deep blue sea.
Join me all for the chorus one more time: car seat is best!
M
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Do you want your confession to be featured here? Would you like some words of forgiveness? Do you just need to let off steam? The Confession Booth is available 24/7.
Small print:
Confessions may be edited for length (and grammar and spelling, because I’m a stickler.) All real names will be changed for Victorian-era pseudonyms, to make everyone sound classier.
While I do not necessarily encourage repeating any of the behaviours confessed, I will not blame anybody who sees them as “tips” rather than no-nos.
This column is called ‘Bad Mom Confessions’ for the sake of brevity and consistency, but I must stress that dads, grandparents and carers of all sorts are most welcome to use the Confession Booth.
I realize this is a serious, indefensible issue, but I think I can do this mom one better:
My grandmother used to let my toddler brother steer. A van. A van made before 1968, hence, it had no seat belts. That smelled musty. And when I told my parents, she hit me with a wooden spoon.
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ofthesea Reply:
January 2nd, 2011 at 3:20 pm
This was one of my first belly laughs of the year! Thanks! XD
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This looks like advice to me:
But you’re forgiven for the alternative palaver if you really must, and it’s a short trip, and the driver is going at 20 mph or less.
There is not time when a parent “really must”. Ever.
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ofthesea Reply:
December 27th, 2010 at 10:20 pm
That is not advice. That is me saying “I understand. We all do stupid and dangerous thing sometimes.”
Don’t give me more importance than I have. This is a silly blog where I deal precisely with this: the stupid and selfish and potentially dangerous things I do as a parent because I am nowhere near perfect. It is not advice. I am not an authority. I just understand where she is coming from and I wish you did as well.
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Twice this holiday weekend I saw people but toddlers in the back of an SUV, no car seat and no seat belts. I prayed for them to get where ever they are going safely. Even if you drive super careful the other people may not. I would say you should use a car seat every time, but that is just my opinion.
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ofthesea Reply:
December 27th, 2010 at 10:00 pm
I agree with you, that is just ridiculous!
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Taking a chance with a child’s life is taking a chance with a child’s life..whether you do it one time or a thousand. Just because you got lucky and no one was hurt does NOT mean that will be the same the next time. To Teresa, what you are telling is that you would rather risk your child’s life by nursing him in teh front seat (where even a low speed impact woudl likely kill or injure him with the airbag) than inconvenience you by pulling over to nurse safely for 10-15 minutes.
To the owner of this blog, if a parent cradles their child (supporting the neck carefully like you suggest) and KILLS that child, are you going to accept partial responsibility for giving out the shittiest advice I have EVER seen on this subject? You really need to take a step back from this, do a little research and try again. Consider yourself minus one follower as I think you’ve completely lost your senses.
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ofthesea Reply:
December 27th, 2010 at 10:01 pm
I am not giving advice. This is not an expert blog. I offered forgiveness and a break from judging, and that is all I gave.
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My darling friend…..i love you to pieces, but the tears are flowing thinking that one child, just one, could have been mine, could be YOURS, may NEVER again ride in the back seat again because we were so fucking selfish that we didn’t want to deal with the crying. There is NO excuse, NONE. There is no forgiveness here. Try asking any parent who knowingly did not properly secure their child and then during that quick trip lost their child forever if there will ever be any forgiveness.
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ofthesea Reply:
December 27th, 2010 at 10:03 pm
You know I love you. You are probably right. Yet this is one of the many many MANY things that can go wrong when a parent is exhausted, and shaming and guilting an exhausted mom never did any good as far as I know.
I never let my child ride without a car seat, and I would not recommend that anyone do so, but I will not jump at somebody’s throat for doing it once.
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Any mom’s who feel that it should be a choice or isn’t a big deal need to think a little harder… need to visit a children’s hospital or go on a ride along with a cop. Those mom’s also need to realize that while this mom trusts her husbands driving… does she trust the driving of everyone else on the road? As I said on the FB post, “The idea of not using a child’s carseat makes me kind of sick. I’m usually with ya’ll on everything, but that one is really bad. Maybe its because my husbands a cop and I’ve gone on ride alongs and have seen accidents where the children were killed because they weren’t properly restrained… or maybe its because I have seen my husband break down over a child dying in his arms during one of these calls…” About the kid who died in my husband’s arms… how do you think his mother feels about her “choice” now? Probably pretty shitty.
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ofthesea Reply:
December 27th, 2010 at 7:34 pm
I agree with you, and I know we all have topics on which we are nearly evangelical in our zeal. This is clearly yours, and it is a worthy one.
I will go on my own rant soon, about something very different that also makes me want to strangle people.
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For reals? I get that this is a lighthearted site, I get that. But neglecting to strap a 3 month old into his carseat is beyond irresponsible. And you think a Baby Bjorn would suffice in the event of even a small crash? Are you serious?? A child’s skull can fracture at 7 m.p.h. Crash at 20 m.p.h. and baby’s brains are scrambeled eggs on the back of the driver’s seat.
Please, please, PLEASE, for the love of God, strap your baby in his seat every. single. time. It’s the law for a reason.
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ofthesea Reply:
December 27th, 2010 at 5:55 pm
You said it, and you said it well: it’s the law for a reason.
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Oh, I totally did this last night. And my baby slept for an extra hour because of it.
It’s actually illegal not to use the car seat where I live but
Oh, well, I guess I have to stop writing. My child has managed to remove his diaper and get between the legs of a stool.
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ofthesea Reply:
December 27th, 2010 at 5:56 pm
Do I hear Karma in action?
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It’s only the law that makes this mother look bad. Strapping a child in should be a choice, not a mandate in my opinion. I don’t condone obviously dangerous behavior but not waking a sleeping a sleeping child is one of the 10 commandments of motherhood. I survived without ever once being confined to a car seat and rarely a seat belt. I won’t condemn you mama! I nursed my boy in the front seat many times. Far safer than letting my nerves be frazzled by his incessant screeching because he was hungry.
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ofthesea Reply:
December 27th, 2010 at 6:11 pm
Ah, ye good olde days when we roamed the fields!
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New Bad Mom Confession:”I don’t always use my baby’s car seat” – Bad Mom Confession. Read it now! http://1000reasonsimabadmom.com/i-dont-a...
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