“I lied to my kid” – Bad Mom Confession

“I lied to my kid” – Bad Mom Confession

Jul 18

This week, a mom bends the truth to suit her own agenda.

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Octavia writes,

I lied to my kid and told him basketball signups were already over because all the games were at 8:00 on Saturday mornings and I didn’t want to get up that early. I ask for no mercy or empathy. I deserve whatever tongue lashing I get. But I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

Dear Octavia,

You should know better than to expect a tongue lashing – 1000 Reasons is all about forgiveness, and forgiveness is what you will receive.

That said, from where I’m sitting your problem seems a lot like the troubles of the middle class.

Since the Divine C is a mere toddler, unable to sleep later than 7 am or entertain himself in any way for any length of time without destroying something, I would jump at anything (ANYTHING!) that would get him off my hands on a Saturday at 8 am so I could get back into bed for a while. I don’t care if it’s the Scorpion Petting Zoo or Fire Spitting Camp, anyone who can get the kid out of my hands for a few hours on weekend mornings has my undying love.

You, however, don’t see it that way.

Maybe basketball practice is such a long drive away that zipping back to bed is not an option – I draw the line at 15 minutes round-trip. Or maybe you are expected to actually stay and watch the dam games? If that is the case I am 100% on your side, because the only thing that could make my early weekend mornings worse would be to have to watch some flipping sports on top of it. The horror, the horror.

You seem to have a kid who either sleeps late or can get a life on weekend mornings without waking you. You lucky bitch. I forgive you and commend you for finding a perfect solution out of a tight spot: you have done the best possible thing by “misspeaking” about the end of signups. That way your kid can start learning that life is full of frustrations and the Universe is out to get you at least half of the time, while still preserving the sweet childish notion that mama will always bend over backwards to make him happy.

And you get to keep your weekend mornings.

Heck, a happy mama makes a happy family, and that requires some recharging time.

You are forgiven!

M

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Forgiveness guaranteed.

 

 

Small print:

Confessions may be edited for length (and grammar and spelling, because I’m a stickler.) All real names will be changed for Victorian-era pseudonyms, to make everyone sound classier.

While I do not necessarily encourage repeating any of the behaviours confessed, I will not blame anybody who sees them as “tips” rather than no-nos.

This column is called ‘Bad Mom Confessions’ for the sake of brevity and consistency, but I must stress that dads, grandparents and carers of all sorts are most welcome to use the Confession Booth.