“I never bathe my baby” and “My baby bathes alone” – Bad Mom Confessions

“I never bathe my baby” and “My baby bathes alone” – Bad Mom Confessions

Aug 09

Welcome to the weekly Bad Mom Confessions column.

Every Monday I will post two anonymous confessions received at the Bad Mom Confession Booth along with some Words of Wisdom and Forgiveness (meaning I’ll do my darnedest to make you feel better about yourself.)

Do you want your confession to be featured here? Do you just want some words of forgiveness? Do you just need to let steam off? The Confession Booth is available 24/7.

Forgiveness guaranteed.

–

Estelle writes:

I can’t remember when was the last day my son Eldridge had a bath. I think it was sometime last week. He’s a pretty clean kid, he’s not releasing any body odor but still, pretty pathetic on my part. Oh and I feel like I’m too lazy to potty train him. :(

Bad mom!!

Dear Estelle,

The world is facing a serious shortage of water. I am not joking here: some say that “Global warming will cause a risk of water shortages in two-thirds of U.S. counties by 2050.” (Thanks to Google and UPI for that info.) Even the most conservative opinions agree that the demand is increasing faster than the supply.

This topic is very close to my heart, and I do all I can to help save water: closing the shower while shampooing/shaving, not letting the water run while I soap the dishes or scrub my face, not washing my car EVER, and only taking showers when really necessary.

I think it is highly commendable that you are teaching your son Eldridge about the importance of looking after the environment so early in his life. He will grow to be a conscientious young man with a minimal carbon footprint, and deers will come out of the woods to greet him as he passes by.

–

Odessa writes:

Today my 1year old daughter Winnifred climbed fully clothed into the tub (where I had left her bathtub full of water) and waded around with a shoe and an empty water bottle, while I sat unaware by the computer reading your blog, with her twin sister Winona on my lap and her elder sister Vada watching TV nearby!

I won’t even go through the vast number of OH MY GOD WHAT IFs that ran through my head. I simply screamed in my head “THANK YOU GOD for protecting my children in ways only you can!” I yelled at Winnie’s big brother Bishop and at her sister Vada for keeping the bathroom door open (Vada) and for not calling me when baby sister went splash into the tub (Bishop,) then towelled off the adventurous Winnifred and changed both our clothes.

I guess this is the peril of having  four children and wanting to take some computer time.

Dear Odessa,

don’t beat yourself up about this. My family often says “there is a God who watches over children and drunks,” and judging by how well we’re all doing it must be true.

Has your girl been to swimming lessons? If so, chalk this up to a competitive spirit and a desire to perfect her underwater turn, and make room in your mantelpiece for the Olympic medals she’ll be raking in.

If she has not been to swimming lessons maybe it’s time you considered taking her. Actually, it might be a good idea to take both Winnifred and Winona: that way you can make the twins swim 100m Butterfly and have their older siblings time them, while you get some well-deserved computer time with a nice glass of red and your favourite blog, ahem.

You are forgiven.

–

Small print:

Confessions may be edited for length (and grammar and spelling, because I’m a stickler.) All real names will be changed for Victorian-era pseudonyms, to make everyone sound classier.

While I do not encourage repeating any of the behaviours confessed, I will not blame anybody who sees them as “tips” rather than no-nos.

This column is called ‘Bad Mom Confessions’ for the sake of brevity and consistency, but I must stress that dads, grandparents and carers of all sorts are most welcome to use the Confession Booth.