“My daughter’s name is Stinky Butt” and “Ignorance is bliss” – Bad Mom Confessions
Small print:
“My daughter’s name is Stinky Butt” and “Ignorance is bliss” – Bad Mom Confessions
Sep 06Welcome to the weekly Bad Mom Confessions column.
Every Monday I post two anonymous confessions received at the Bad Mom Confession Booth along with some Words of Wisdom and Forgiveness (meaning I’ll do my darnedest to make you feel better about yourself.)
Do you want your confession to be featured here? Would you like some words of forgiveness? Do you just need to let off steam? The Confession Booth is available 24/7.
Forgiveness guaranteed.
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Mazie writes:
My daughter’s name is Stinky Butt. Granted, that isn’t the name on her birth certificate, but she seems to believe this is her name. Every diaper change – and, I’ll admit, also in between diaper changes – my husband and I call her Stinky Butt. At first, no reaction. Now? Whenever she hears us say Stinky Butt or Stinky, she looks to us and grins.
She is four months old.
I guess it’s time to start calling her by… you know… her name.
Dear Mazie,
look at it this way: your daughter will be completely immune to bullying by the time she hits school age. If a crappy little classmate starts calling her names, they will roll off like water off a duck’s stinky butt.
Also, if your daughter’s “real” name is something like Euphemia, Sophronia or Zenobia… Stinky Butt may actually be an improvement!
Now go have some crispy duck pancakes with plum sauce.
You are forgiven.
M
PS: Apologies if any reader answers to any of those names – I have reason to believe they died with the Victorian Era, but I could be wrong.
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Kitty writes:
My daughter and her friend are playing in the next room.
And I hear my daughter speak these words to her friend . . .
“Bury your head under two pillows, so I don’t hurt you.”
And I did not get up from my chair.
Some things?
Are better left unknown.
Dear Kitty,
more parents should be taking your “hands-off” approach. Kids nowadays have absolutely no sense of self-preservation because they spend their formative years restrained and smothered in bubble wrap.
Your daughter, on the other hand, is already showing enough sense to fashion some protection for her friend before they carry out their physics experiment or circus performance.
Pour yourself a large beer, get a good book, settle into your favourite chair or hammock and keep on ignoring educating your daughter as well as you have so far!
M
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Small print:Confessions may be edited for length (and grammar and spelling, because I’m a stickler.) All real names will be changed for Victorian-era pseudonyms, to make everyone sound classier.
While I do not encourage repeating any of the behaviours confessed, I will not blame anybody who sees them as “tips” rather than no-nos.
This column is called ‘Bad Mom Confessions’ for the sake of brevity and consistency, but I must stress that dads, grandparents and carers of all sorts are most welcome to use the Confession Booth.
I think Stinky Butt is perfectly acceptable. My kids have all been called Booger Butt. Why? I’m not sure. It just rolled off my tongue one day long ago, and just flows so nicely… My oldest, practically 4, is especially fond of the nickname. In fact, he’s readjusted that lame “joke” Guess What? Chicken Butt! to have the answer of Booger Butt. He is currently working up the courage to tell this “joke” to our senior pastor; I swear it’s all his idea!
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ofthesea Reply:
March 6th, 2011 at 9:20 am
Booger Butt! Love it!
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Hahaha!!! My daughter is 5 and I still call her stinker butt- and Lily the Poo. I just see it as calling it like it is!!!
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ofthesea Reply:
September 7th, 2010 at 12:16 pm
Hear hear!
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We have called both kids Stinky Butts since they were babies. I don’t think we’re giving them a complex, at least I hope not ;)
Michelle @ Mommy Loves Stilettos recently posted Sperm Donor
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ofthesea Reply:
September 7th, 2010 at 12:16 pm
Nah, you’re just raising the bar for future bullies! ;)
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My mother used to call my son Dobie I never knew what that meant until one day we were at the rib cook off and this man looking like someone from ZZ Top came up to me and said: “Do you want to smoke a Dobie.”
I could not stop laughing!
Tomica recently posted Reflections of Motherhood
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ofthesea Reply:
September 7th, 2010 at 12:16 pm
Your mom rocks!
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Bwahahaha. Poor Kitty. I think I might have done the same thing!
Laura recently posted Friday Foodstuffson Monday!
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ofthesea Reply:
September 6th, 2010 at 7:37 pm
Hey, at least the girl is taking some precautions! ;)
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You didn’t cuss. It’s not like you call her “Stinky Ass”. So, no worries.
Amy recently posted Labor Day laments- September 6- 2010
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ofthesea Reply:
September 6th, 2010 at 4:30 pm
You show amazing insight, little grasshopper. You are going to kick a lot of butt when your day comes!
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i’ve given up on nicknames and just call them all “asshat”. :D
not blessed mama recently posted Retail Therapy- and- Being Thrifty is Nifty
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ofthesea Reply:
September 6th, 2010 at 4:31 pm
Even though I only learned the word very recently, I am especially fond of “asshat”. It makes me giggle every time.
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Stinky butt? Not so bad. We decided to name my daughter Payton when I was pregnat and for some ridiculous reason, I began referring to her as Payton Pants. When she was born, I made a comment in passing that she was too small to be called Payton Pants and that she was more like Payton Panties.
By the way, there is a great majority of people who hate the word panties.
Soon, Payton was cut out and everyone just starting calling her Panties, then Pannie Poo, and finally, just Pannie or Poos. She was over one year old and only responded when referred to by some word that sounded at least moderately like this. Payton? Who’s she?
After an afternoon calling after her at the playground, I realized we may have to make a change. I think she’s still a little confused as to who she really is.
Kelsey recently posted Drunk on Power
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ofthesea Reply:
September 6th, 2010 at 4:32 pm
I LOVE the word “panties”, especially if you go all Elmer Fudd and pronounce it with spitty Ps and Ts!
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So glad to know I am not the only parent who calls her children names involving the word “butt”.
Cheryl recently posted Movie Quote Monday 3- Inconthievable!
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ofthesea Reply:
September 6th, 2010 at 4:33 pm
You? I KNEW it!
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