Reason #104a – I let my baby cry until he vomits
Reason #104a – I let my baby cry until he vomits
Oct 27It’s been a while, but the time has come for another “Damned if you do, damned if you don’t” double post! This time it’s all about sleeping.
Or not.
I have said this many times, but just in case you missed it here goes again: my boy C is the best and bravest baby who ever lived. He has the sweetest temper, laughs at everything, and the twinkle in his beauteous blue eyes makes the world a better place. C wakes up singing and smiling, and continues to do so for pretty much the rest of the day.
And I worship the ground beneath his Chucks.
Now, I don’t think I have ever said this before, but my beloved C is a were-baby. After dark, when everyone is asleep, he suddenly wakes up and mutates into a tiny hellish fiend, all shrieks and kicks and headbutts. I have seriously considered holy water and a priest, since my baby’s night behaviour is THAT different from his usual demeanour.
Frantic about our continued lack of sleep, I repeated my old mistake and looked for answers on the Internet. I got this from the fine folks at BabyCenter:
Step 1 - Put your baby in his crib when he’s sleepy but still awake.
Step 2 - Say goodnight to your child and leave the room. If he cries when you leave, let him cry for a predetermined amount of time.
Step 3 - Go back into the room for no more than a minute or two to pat and reassure your baby. Leave the light off and keep your voice quiet and soothing. Don’t pick him up. Leave again while he’s still awake, even if he’s crying.
Step 4 - Stay out of the room for a little bit longer than the first time and follow the same routine, staying out of the room for gradually longer intervals, each time returning for only a minute or two to pat and reassure him, and leaving while he’s still awake.
Etc.
Armed with this scientific motherly knowledge, I steeled myself, took my pillow and duvet to the room next door, and bravely tried to show C who’s the boss in this household.
To make a long and miserable story short, he cried so much he threw up.
Repeatedly.
I didn’t know a baby’s stomach could hold so much in it.
I didn’t know a baby could project vomit through such long distances.
And I didn’t know that long after the floor was mopped, the bedding changed, the PJs and diapers replaced by dry ones and C finally asleep like a cherub, I would still be feeling like crap for letting my baby cry himself hoarse just to bow to Internet mama peer pressure.
Coming up, the “damned if you don’t” side of this Swedish pizza*.
* You will need a Copenhagen native to tell you why this is funny. Or check on my Facebook page for the definition. Or go here for the non-Swedish version, tho we all know Swedish is best.
My son is 18 months old and for the last 3 months he has intermittently freaked out at bedtime. We’ve tried letting him cry only to find out how digusting the results were….he’s a puker. We’re expecting our second child in 6 months, and we’re not prepared to deal with a newborn and our puker.
Crying it out doesn’t work for my son. He was never a problem at bedtime, so this is a new phase of toddlerhood.
I’ve googled and googled and it’s all terribly unhelpful. We just want to be able to put our son to bed without it taking 2-3 hours.
For all of you who’ve experienced this how long did this fantastic phase last? I hope you don’t say years….
Thank you!!!
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ofthesea Reply:
March 16th, 2012 at 2:35 pm
It gets better – sometimes we manage to get C to sleep in as little as 10 minutes. that said, more often it’s 30-45, and on occasion it’s still a couple of hours. But it’s more of a freak storm and no longer the norm.
Hang in there!
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I tried this approach and D loves it!
Usually if I put him to sleep at the same time of the day, he just turns into the side of the crib, hugs his little giraffe and falls right to sleep. I don’t even hear any muffling and moving in the monitor anymore!!
I say try again another time.
The first time D rebelled (didn’t projectile vomit or anything, but also didn’t like it), but the second time he went to sleep in 9 minutes and the third time in 2.. so it might have been a bad night..
Good luck!
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ofthesea Reply:
July 13th, 2011 at 10:18 pm
He’s sleeping so much better now that he’s older! And yes, I now put him to bed at the SAME time every night – works really well!
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I haven’t tried this for this very same reason… I know that my own will cry until something happens.
Sorry if I had known I would have told you <>
Could it be that he dislikes the darkness of night time? maybe a night light?!
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ofthesea Reply:
November 1st, 2010 at 7:58 pm
Goodness knows. He fell asleep nice and easy tonight.. maybe it was just a bad teething phase?
Hope springs everlasting.
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X is different every time, LOL! Sometimes its straight to sleep, (usually) its feed himself to sleep, sometimes cry-it-out is the ONLY thing that does work. And of course all the variations in between.
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ofthesea Reply:
October 29th, 2010 at 9:10 pm
I hear you! C was a horror tonight, but yesterday he crashed in seconds. Go figure.
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What kind of hard-hearted person dreamed up this method of “crying it out”? I could never do it. It’s just plain cruel. It goes against all our mommy instincts! Anyway, there is psychological proof that responding to our children’s needs (and these are just babies!) will help them develop secure attachments and become more confident individuals in the future. That means responding to them and definitely NOT letting them cry it out.
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ofthesea Reply:
October 29th, 2010 at 12:15 pm
It works with some. It didn’t work with mine. Oh well…
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I could never get past the first five minutes of my daughter’s cries when attempting to follow the “good” advice of such baby experts. Some parents swear that letting their children cry-it-out was “the only way to get them to sleep.” I can’t argue with the way that others parent their children, but I can say that for me, crying-it-out is not an option.
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ofthesea Reply:
October 29th, 2010 at 7:24 am
It takes all sorts, and mine is the sort that pukes if he cries for too long. Lesson learned. Next!
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Lucilia Reply:
August 7th, 2011 at 6:14 pm
Hi…I have a 1 year old son who vomits everytime he cries when we leave him alone in his crib at bedtime….we tried leaving him alone when he was about 4 mos, 6 mos, 8 mos (tried leaving him alone and cleaning up vomit for 6 days,didn’t work) and now at 1yr and he continues the same beahviour….it takes me over an hour to put him to bed sometimes, as i have to lay with him until he falls asleep on his own….I no longer can do this as i will be returning to work in 4 weeks…..what did you do to overcome this similar situation? thanks in advance
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ofthesea Reply:
August 8th, 2011 at 9:32 am
All I can say is that it gets easier as they get older. Sometimes I also have to spend an hour putting my kid down, but it happens very seldom now.
Make sure his room is cozy and with a nice temperature, stick to a happy and soothing bedtime routine, and if all else fails give him tiny doses of melatonin every now and then so you can get a break.
Oh, and get out of his bed. Sit next to him if you must, but don’t lie with – hopefully he will start getting used to sleeping on his own.
Good luck, and come back to vent whenever you need it!
Wow… this takes me to 8 years ago when we tried to “teach” our son to sleep by himself when he’s about one year old. I was the weak one, could not toughen myself to do it. So my husband took his crib to the basement and slept on the couch in the other room. Our son would cry so hard, he did puke a couple of times, in his one month trial to sleep alone. Did we feel like crap? Of course. But it worked and no harm’s done.
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ofthesea Reply:
October 29th, 2010 at 7:26 am
Hey, whatever works! Glad it worked for you – you have a good husband to take care of the dirty business!
…does he have a brother by any chance? ;)
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Visiting from SITS wordpress group! I can so relate to this. My little guy has cried and cried trying to go to sleep and we’ve tried different “methods.” Once he did throw up, and I felt horrible about it. He’s three and a half and though the still isn’t a great sleeper, a lot of that is because of our work schedule, he doesn’t get as much sleep as he should, so I’m still feeling guilty.
Great post!
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ofthesea Reply:
October 28th, 2010 at 9:02 am
Thanks!
The worse thing is that he used to be a really great sleeper when he was a baby, and NOW at the ripe old age of 1 he’s having sleep issues. Urgh.
Good luck with yours! Hope we both get some kip soon!
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Single mom to Russian child adopted when he was 9.5 months old. The Russians warned me that “he will be emotional for a while” which translated into he will be a sweet charming guy during the day and sob in his sleep for 6 months.
For 6 months I read books, I read Parents magazine, I read blogs, I read emails from friends, I talked to the pediatrician/coworkers/neighbors/you name it. I tried all the crap everyone suggested and added some of my own desperate measures. Helpful friends said “When my child was that age he/she slept thru the night.”
In summary, nothing worked. After 6 months he finally stopped when I took him to the beach in Florida and now 6.5 years later he has slept thru every night with no crying.
I AM STILL TRAUMATIZED BY THE NIGHTTIME CRYING of 2003/2004. The level of frustration and exhaustion that I felt is forever embedded in my brain. To this day when he goes to sleep I turn off all lights, I mute the tv/phones/everything. If anyone calls they get chewed out.
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ofthesea Reply:
October 27th, 2010 at 9:16 pm
Gotcha. I’m booking a flight to Florida as we speak!
Do you think South Beach will do the trick? I <3 South Beach!
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Eh…it passes. Mind that I’m saying this many years down the road. My oldest daughter was and is a night person. She was also a night person who saw no good reason to do her baby-partying alone. The choices were to allow her to scream or to roll with it as best as I could and get on with life, stupor or no. Screaming was not an option. The kid eventually learned to sleep when it was dark. Please don’t ask how long it took or you will find yourself far too close to sharp objects. She turned out okay and I’m sane on those days when it’s most convenient for me to be so. Generalized parenting advice sucks. Different babies have different needs.
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ofthesea Reply:
October 27th, 2010 at 6:20 pm
I will not ask further. Tho I may invest in soundproofing in our next house…
(PS: the URL is optional, no need to add it if you don’t wanna!)
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I KNOW you read my post pleading for advice on what to do about Ryker’s sleeping. And in it? I specifically mentioned he cried until he puked when we tried this method. You cannot say you weren’t warned…
Also, give my love to poor little C. And hugs to you- puke is sucky, I know.
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ofthesea Reply:
October 27th, 2010 at 6:22 pm
I kno, I kno. This is not the first time this happens – now HOW shitty does it make me look??
Hugs back atcha!
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Austy did this about a month ago… every night for like 2 weeks. He’s the same SUPER happy, always smiling, sparks jealousy in women whose babies are screaming in super markets (he even leans over and tells their children, “Shhh baby, shh baby”)… and then one night he just started going ape at like midnight, and would scream and scream. The first night, I brought him into bed with me thinking maybe he didn’t feel well or his teeth were hurting. The second night my husband told me to let him cry (like we tried with our daughter, and it didn’t work on her either), I felt so awful I spent half the night on the twin in his room with him on my chest. He spent the rest of the week in our bed, and when his molars started poking through he stopped! Weird.
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ofthesea Reply:
October 27th, 2010 at 6:23 pm
EXACTLY! I have the angel-child that everyone envies, and I look down at moms whose kids make tantrums at the mall.
…I bet those ^%$%#$ sleep well all night. Hello karma, good to see you! (not)
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My daughter has yet to puke, but cry it out DOES NOT work for her either. She would literally cry for hours if I let her. She just keeps going and going! I’d rather just bring her in bed with me and deal with the “consequences” :) later in life (like when she’s 10 and still wants to sleep in bed with us! ;), ESPECIALLY when I have to wake up at 5:40am every day for work! :) You just have to do what works best for you and C. I’m sure CIO does work for some children, mine not being one of them! :)
Good luck!
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ofthesea Reply:
October 27th, 2010 at 12:29 pm
I hope she never gets to the “crying-so-hard-she-pukes-her-guts-out” stage. It is both terrifying and heartbreaking!
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Poor C…
And yet? He’ll probably be okay.
You’ll all figure it out. Promise.
I’ve done variations on Cry It Out Lite with four babies, and the results have been widely varied. Lets see how #5 takes to it…
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ofthesea Reply:
October 27th, 2010 at 12:25 pm
5. You are my hero. Sometimes I feel like a crazy woman for wanting 3!
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CDG Reply:
October 27th, 2010 at 12:28 pm
To clarify: only one of those 5 babies is my own.
The first three were my first nannying gig. Spread out over seven years. The fourth was my son. Now? I am at a new nannying gig with my son, another 3 year old, and the fifth baby – a 7 month old, whom I am now instructing in the luscious arts of sleeping on his own in a crib.
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ofthesea Reply:
October 27th, 2010 at 12:30 pm
Aaaaaaah.
Nevermind. You’re still my hero!
To be fair, that method worked for us. I didn’t read it from BabyCenter, but it’s the same idea.
However, nothing else worked at all. I tried a billion things and was convinced that Mister Man was in fact a monster that lived to torture me and contribute my hard earned cash to ‘baby experts’. I’m pretty sure he got a cut from every book purchase.
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ofthesea Reply:
October 27th, 2010 at 11:35 am
The worse thing is that he is so HAPPY during the day! I’ve been considering just leaving the lights on all night to prevent the transformation…
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Hugs! Been there, well Im still there with my 2 and 4 yr old. Let me know if you find the magical cure to make them sleep and not turn into were-babies!
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ofthesea Reply:
October 27th, 2010 at 12:23 pm
Whisky?
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Rebecca Reply:
November 2nd, 2010 at 8:46 pm
For me or them? LOL!
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ofthesea Reply:
November 3rd, 2010 at 7:09 am
Depends on how bad it gets! ;)
That totally sucks. We had Paxton in his crib from night #1, but we still went through the “crying it out” thing when he’d wake up in the night and just want to be held (and the crying went for both of us since I was crying in my room listening to my baby and resisting every single “mama bear” instinct I have). Hope you find something that works for both of you soon!
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ofthesea Reply:
October 27th, 2010 at 12:24 pm
Oh, C has been in his crib from day 1 too. I don’t know why he suddenly decided he hates it so…
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Cry it out doesn’t work for every mommy or baby. Co-sleeping doesn’t work for everybody. NOTHING works miraculously for everyone. I HATED the cry it out method. But husband and my mother were firm on the matter. Bear had gotten use to being rocked to sleep. We didn’t have a rocker. It was me walking and jigging him to sleep. And he was getting too big for this routine. Bear never puked, but I had to be physically restrained because I hated hearing him cry. And I went in as many times as possible to let him know I was there. But after only a few nights, he calmed down. Now we can put him in his crib when he is still awake and he sings, plays or cuddles with his blankies until he falls asleep. Just because it worked for me doesn’t mean I will recommend it to a friend. Every family and baby is different. Don’t feel guilty for trying something once and having it backfire. I tell my friends to find a method that works for them. Believe me, I will be looking for a different route if I decide to add to our family. Now you just gotta find plan B!
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ofthesea Reply:
October 27th, 2010 at 8:08 am
Agree! All those “foolproof” methods they tout for “only $9.99″ are about as good as the many marriage proposals I get from Nigerian princes.
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I too listened to this article – my son didn’t puke – but he did fall asleep sitting up – holding onto his crib for dear life. I had a lot of Mama guilt then – but the next night – it was a little worse and every night after that it got a little better. With my next 3 I just started them off in the crib for fear or having to do it again. I know there are a lot of Mothers who co-sleep and I think if I had been a part of the blog-o-sphere when my kids were little and been able to read all the wonderful articles about it – I might have thought twice about the crying it out part. Hindsight is 20/20. Hope that you guys are able to work out a solution that doesn’t leave the both of you in tears and covered in puke.
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ofthesea Reply:
October 27th, 2010 at 8:10 am
Asleep sitting up! My heart breaks!!
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My son did the same thing a few times! Whoever wrote that article should be shot or have to come over and clean up all the puke!
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ofthesea Reply:
October 27th, 2010 at 8:10 am
I could not agree more. Ferber can BITE ME.
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