Reason #114 – I shake C like a Polaroid picture
Reason #114 – I shake C like a Polaroid picture
Nov 19When it comes to my parenting, I have already been accused of criminal neglect, callous selfishness and terminal stupidity, so being told I was gonna give C Shaken Baby Syndrome was hardly a shock.
To me.
The shaken baby in question may have a different opinion.
The long and short of it is this – C sometimes gets the silly grumps. Not quite a tantrum, but more than just a whine. I am not a fan of grumpy C, so when he starts getting the silly grumps I lift him up, get a good grip, and suspend him upside down. Kinda like doing the 50s swing, only without the poodle skirt.
And the music.
But you get my drift.
Turning C’s frown upside down works every time: first he gets red in the face, then he opens eyes as wide as saucers, and in a matter of seconds he is all giggly and sweet again. Let’s say I just be-bop the silly grumps out of him.
I told my friend – a seasoned mother of 3 – about this technique, thinking it was no big deal, but oo-ee was I wrong: first she got red in the face, then she opened eyes as wide as saucers and then she asked in a horrified tone: “But isn’t that dangerous? Won’t you give him shaken baby syndrome?”
Um…
I think not.
I am nowhere near strong enough to shake C that hard. Also, he’s not a mere “baby”, he’s a Mammoth Baby. Also, he really loves his Little Richard records and two-tone shoes.
But in case my word is not good enough on such a delicate matter, I will let you be the judges of this. Does this here baby look shaken to you?
Thought so.
A-wop-bop-a-loo-bop a-lop-bop-boo!
I, too, shake my babies, or did at least when they were still small enough to shake. I would hold them over my head, and shake them. While saying “Sh-a-a-a-ak-ing Ba-a-a-by”. I, of course, thought nothing of it, until one day, I was on the bus, and my daughter ASKED for shaking baby. I obliged. Above my head she went, and I shook. She laughed, my son laughed too. The other people on the bus were not nearly as amused.. Oops?
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ofthesea Reply:
September 8th, 2011 at 9:50 pm
People with no sense of humour should not be allowed in public transport. I love that your kid actually asks for it!
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following!
Brittany recently posted my life in a nutshella Roseburg size nutshell
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ofthesea Reply:
November 23rd, 2010 at 10:48 pm
Welcome chez 1000! :)
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THAT is an adorable kid.
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ofthesea Reply:
November 22nd, 2010 at 8:32 pm
Thank you, thank you. Care to join our cult?
http://1000reasonsimabadmom.com/the-holy-followers-of-the-blessed-child/
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Oh please if children were really that fragile, none of us would have make it to adulthood.
Michelle Saunderson recently posted Blogs Im Reading- PROBLOGGER
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ofthesea Reply:
November 21st, 2010 at 9:07 pm
*nodding vigorously*
Oh hell, am I gonna give myself Shaken Mommy Syndrome now?
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If I get in a carnival ride, like a roller coaster, and they have loops in it nobody cries when I have shaken baby syndrom. But if you give C a fee ride the oistrichs come.
Do I have to understand the world?
Ach ja, ich liebe euern Blog und gratuliere ganz herzlich zur Verlobung!
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ofthesea Reply:
November 21st, 2010 at 7:17 pm
Danke danke! :)
And yeah, the world is a mystery. Especially when ostriches are involved!
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Is it bad that this didn’t make me think about child abuse at all, but instead spent the rest of the day singing “Hey Yah” or whatever it was called?
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ofthesea Reply:
November 21st, 2010 at 7:26 pm
It is a great song! “Shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it like a POLAROID PIC-CHA!”
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My mom loves to tell people that when I was a baby I was asking for brain damage… apparently my FAVORITE thing ever was laying on my mom’s bed and having her grip me by the ankles swing me up and toss me into flips… then land back on her bed. She said I would laugh and laugh and beg for more… once I hit a ceiling fan and that didn’t even stop me. I’m still here, and mostly happy and… somewhat normal… right?
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ofthesea Reply:
November 21st, 2010 at 7:27 pm
Hey, you can type with no spelling faults!
Actually, that is *not* normal, but it speaks ill of the rest of the world, not you.
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Oh yeah — we get that too from paternal grandfather whenever my husband airplanes our son. Interesting datapoints: Grandfather in question is an M.D. Grandson in question is 3 and a half.
On to more important things. Please resubmit your photographic evidence, this time in a poodle skirt. That is all.
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ofthesea Reply:
November 19th, 2010 at 2:18 pm
Unbeliever! Infidel! I’ll unearth my poodle skirt and retake those pics, see if I don’t!
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My scientific method (100% survival rate!) indicates that babies love to be tossed about and swung low and high.
Unless you are Vin Diesel, a particle collider, or a meth-addled Farmville fan.
And you know, not the really little ones.
Common sense, people. It’s way foxy.
Ooops, gotta run. The wail of of sirens and bullhorns is getting louder! (I’m 5’7″ with brown eyes and soon-to-be red hair – for my new passport pics!)
CDG recently posted Joss & Chloe
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ofthesea Reply:
November 19th, 2010 at 2:23 pm
I LOOOVE that 100% survival rate – I’m gonna add it to my repertoire of sassy answers!
Your new name will be Carmela Gonzalez. Start practicing your accent.
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CDG Reply:
November 19th, 2010 at 2:26 pm
It’s too bad I write like a pasty WASP (oh, wait. I am a pasty WASP), because Carmela Gonzalez would be a rockin’ pen name.
Time to get me some Rosetta Stone. I have a new language to learn!
CDG recently posted Joss & Chloe
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Ive heard the same thing – blood rushing to the head makes you brilliant. C’s destined for greatness :)
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ofthesea Reply:
November 19th, 2010 at 9:35 am
Why, of course! Everything I do is for my son’s good and NOT for my own convenience! ;)
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My husband does something very similar to the grumpy Bear. He holds him like an airplane up in the air and gives him a jiggle. The Bear often giggles, then makes an “aaaaaaah” sound so he can hear his voice vibrate. I was the ostrich (omg) the first time the dear man did this, asking him “Won’t that give him shaken baby syndrome?” Besides you are only turning C upside down. I am sure I read somewhere about the blood rushing to your head making you smarter……. ;)
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ofthesea Reply:
November 19th, 2010 at 9:44 am
I sometimes take it one step further and gently lower him until his head touched the ground. This usually earns me giggles and squeals of delight… and a few disapproval stares.
But hey – my main man is happy.
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Wow, a live ostrich sighting! Someone clearly doesn’t have a grasp on how very violent the shaking would have to be…not dancing!
Neeroc recently posted Because we can only grow a beard and a few hairs on our boobs
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ofthesea Reply:
November 19th, 2010 at 9:45 am
I’d have to be Vin Diesel to be able to shake C hard enough to do him any damage – have you seen the size of my boy??
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