Reason #115 – I go all Spanish Inquisition on my baby’s ass
Reason #115 – I go all Spanish Inquisition on my baby’s ass
Nov 22Call me Torquemada.
Last week I took C out for a quick visit to my mom. He had been fussy all morning, and I thought I could just drop him off and flee a nice car ride would help him fall asleep, or at least chill out.
Hell to the no-it-didn’t.
He cried when I strapped him to the carseat, wept when I drove out of the garage, hollered when we reached cruising speed and pretty much went into hysterics for the rest of the ride.
I sang, I showed him toys, I played nice music, I gave him a bottle, a cookie, my cell phone. Nothing made the crying stop, or even subside.
I got angry.
I scolded, I ignored, I mimicked, I yelled.
He only cried harder and with more feeling. Damn, there was a lot of feeling.
And then we got to my mom’s place and I jumped off the car going all “This boy is driving me NUTS I don’t know who he got this TEMPER from he’s been a pain in the REAR for the ENTIRE drive here have him now GET HIM AWAY FROM ME BEFORE I KILL SOMEONE!” while I unstrapped him and handed him to his eager grandmother.
C stopped crying immediately.
My mom gloated like a mo-fo someone who got a baby to stop screaming (Oh, hi Karma! Fancy seeing you here!)
And then I noticed this:
For the duration of the ride, my poor boy had been sitting on a huge wooden dinosaur yoyo. A big one, really. I even took another photo for scale.
(How the hell did C manage to sneak a freaking huge wooden dinosaur yoyo into his car seat without me noticing? This does not bode well for the teenage years.)
Holy CRAP. I made my boy sit on a huge wooden yoyo for 20 minutes and I yelled at him for crying. The Spanish Inquisition got nothing on me. They may have fear, surprise and ruthless efficiency…. but I have a Dinosaur Yoyo and The Crib from Hell.
I cannot decide if I should go for Pinochet or Kim Yong Il next.
Suggestions welcome.
You should feel guilty about that right?? This story reminds me of the time my fiance harassed my 4 year old son about hiding the keys for his work. There was yelling, threatening of time outs, tearing the house I work to keep in order apart, the whole shebang. Amidst the denials from my son (although I think he was starting to wonder where he had put those keys) and my fiances b*tching I happened to find the keys. They were in the pocket of the slacks said fiance had worn the day before. What a jerk he is right? Except for the fact that my son has a couple hiding spots and I frequently happen upon him “stealing” Daddy’s watch, glasses, wallet etc. and hiding them. At this point I am starting to think that my son just wants his Daddy’s attention (even if it’s negative) because he is gone to work all the time. Well he got it! Even if he wasn’t guilty!
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ofthesea Reply:
October 25th, 2011 at 9:53 pm
Baahahaha! So this is what I have to look forward in my house with two men?
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Ooh, honey you are BACK! This is a fabulous one (and yes, we’ve all been there). As for the mad hiding things skillz — I was missing my purse for 48 hours before locating it in a hidden corner of the closet behind long dresses and on top of a box, only to be told, “oh, that’s my hiding place.” Well, I am less worried about the teen years than you are, I think!
Daisy recently posted To the Season of My Discontent
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ofthesea Reply:
November 24th, 2010 at 10:03 am
Your entire purse? Da-yum, I would have flipped!
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Oh sweetheart, you make it sound as thought C is totally justified in his distress, and it’s YOUR fault, or something.
YOU are not the one who placed the yoyo there. Remember that.
And it’s not like it was sharp or pokey or strangling him. Drama King much? xo
Kelsey recently posted Featuring An Incredibly Talented Writer Whenever The Idea Should Come To Me
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ofthesea Reply:
November 23rd, 2010 at 4:43 pm
Drama emperor, dictator and despot! I was SO taken for a ride!
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I did the same with a beanie that was too tight – drove for 20 hellacious minutes – and then noticed the red marks on his head – who knows what damage I did? – I should have known it was too small – but he looked so cute in that beanie!
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ofthesea Reply:
November 22nd, 2010 at 9:05 pm
Cherie! You had me at hellacious!
And yeah, why the heck do they insist on complaining of tight/scratchy/uncomfortable clothing? If it is cute, they OUGHT to wear it!
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Ever zipped your kid’s flesh into their jacket zipper and yelled at them for crying?
Honey, you have so much to learn.
I will guide you.
CDG recently posted The Price of Defection
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ofthesea Reply:
November 22nd, 2010 at 3:01 pm
I bow to you, sen sei. *prostrating self*
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Oh girl, been there and done that! I can’t even remember how many times (I have four children – somehow all grown and on their own).
Kay Byrd recently posted Monday Meanderings
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ofthesea Reply:
November 22nd, 2010 at 11:18 am
If I were an ostrich I’d be campaigning to ban yoyos. I mean, just look at the *very real* dangers!
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Trust me when I tell you this…they will be sneaking things way before the teenage years!! My daughter is 5 and when I am cleaning up her room I magically find my lip gloss I have been looking for for weeks or the batteries for the tv remote!! They are sneaky little buggers! And have no fear…once he talks he is just gonna tell you that he is sitting on a yo-yo..
How Does She Do It Mom recently posted My “First 15″ Is LIVE…Email Me NOW!!!!!
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ofthesea Reply:
November 22nd, 2010 at 11:17 am
Talking. It hadn’t even occurred to me, that’s how far we are from it!
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How Does She Do It Mom Reply:
November 22nd, 2010 at 11:28 am
before you know it you are going to be wishing that he would stop talking!!! lol
How Does She Do It Mom recently posted My “First 15″ Is LIVE…Email Me NOW!!!!!
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ofthesea Reply:
November 22nd, 2010 at 11:29 am
I honestly am not encouraging him to start very soon!
C’mon now, he was wearing a diaper right? That had to give some padding to that little behind. I say he was just trying to drive you nuts and actually only dropped the yoyo in his seat when you pulled him out *g* They’re crafty like that.
Neeroc recently posted My Santa Claus parade will kick your parade’s ass
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ofthesea Reply:
November 22nd, 2010 at 11:16 am
Oooh, I like the way you think!
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Oh, it sounds like he is getting to you. Next thing you know, he will be sneaking that yo-yo under your matteress so you know how it feels.
Michelle Saunderson recently posted Blogs Im Reading- PROBLOGGER
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ofthesea Reply:
November 22nd, 2010 at 11:16 am
Shhh, don’t give him ideas! Currently his revenge is peeing on my bed pretty much every night, but maybe he doesn’t feel vindicated enough.
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…. at least the temper isn’t genetic?
That’ll teach him to sneak yo-yo’s under is cutey patootie bootie!
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ofthesea Reply:
November 22nd, 2010 at 7:54 am
Of COURSE it isn’t genetic, can’t you tell? ;)
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anneisanne Reply:
November 23rd, 2010 at 12:43 am
I’m also in this performance class, doing a thing I wrote about my cousin and how that part of the fam (we think) had to leave Portugal for Africa during the Inquisition. I am so working in a yo-yo.
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ofthesea Reply:
November 23rd, 2010 at 8:01 am
Trust me, a yoyo will give you an air of total authenticity.
There is usually a moment when we lose our rags as parents, and realise there actually was a good reason for the crying, when we ought to hang our heads in shame. And then we remind ourselves that actually we’re knackered: we gave birth, we stayed awake all night for however many months, we did it all, and so somehow feel a little justified for the rage felt. A few extra hugs and kisses ought to assuage the guilt felt.
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ofthesea Reply:
November 22nd, 2010 at 7:54 am
More than guilty, I felt really stupid.
And it’s been more than paid for by the recent bout of sleepless nights. WHY? WHYYYYY???
He used to sleep so well!
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lol. Awww, poor buddy, I bet that didn’t feel too good :(
Jenn recently posted Age 10 5th Grade- Nothing’s Scary in the Fifth Grade
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ofthesea Reply:
November 22nd, 2010 at 7:56 am
You know what doesn’t feel good? A baby who wakes between 9-11pm, then 1:30-2 am, then 3:30-5:30 am, then is ready to rumble at 7:30 am.
I have SO atoned for my sins! *tearing hair out*
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Jenn Reply:
November 22nd, 2010 at 8:13 am
I can relate to that. I’m so glad that my little one sleeps 12 hours now…and I’m not gloating at all ;)
Jenn recently posted Age 10 5th Grade- Nothing’s Scary in the Fifth Grade
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ofthesea Reply:
November 22nd, 2010 at 11:15 am
Karma will come and get you, you gloater!!
Briana Reply:
November 22nd, 2010 at 9:50 am
I do know EXACTLY how you feel!
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ofthesea Reply:
November 22nd, 2010 at 11:18 am
Incredibly stupid?
Here, join me in the corner, I’ve got a spare DUNCE hat…