Reason #119 – I ruined the beach for my son – and everyone else
Reason #119 – I ruined the beach for my son – and everyone else
Dec 01I apologise, but this is not gonna be a fun one. This is about how during our last beach trip I became The Worst Person on Earth.
We had spent two nights at a fabulous beach hotel, two nights in which I hardly slept for fear that C would fall off the Queen-sized bed we got to share (as opposed to my Swedish friends, who slept like angels because they brought a pack-and play AND a princess mosquito net for their gorgeous daughter.) So let’s say I was already quite grumpy, what with the lack of sleep and C’s new favourite game of “let’s fall off the bungalow steps.”
On the last day we headed to the beautiful Cahuita National Park, one of my favourite beaches and a lovely jungle hike complete with guaranteed howler monkeys. Guaranteed. Trust me.
I’m sorry to admit the howlers were not the only ones who went ape.
It must have been a slow addition of little things over the weekend, but by the time we got to the park I was ready to murder my son and then shoot myself. It was that bad. He, being a baby, could sense there was something wrong, and reacted by getting clingy.
Not good.
My back was miserably sunburnt, and the last thing I needed was an itchy, sweaty, scratchy, sandy boy clinging to me with all six arms and four legs. He cried when I put him on the floor. He tripped on his feet trying to walk on the soft sand (because he is so good and brave he actually tried) and then cried some more when he fell.
I got even more pissed off.
It got to the point that my awesome, amazing, can’t-sing-her-praises-enough friend plonked C in the pram with her daughter and towed them both for a while so I could get my wits back.
I didn’t.
We finally hit the beach and all Swedes went YAHOOOIE in the water, splashing about with boogie boards and buckets and life vests and balls and shit.
I did not go play in the sea with my boy, who was only seeing it for the second time in his life.
I tried to get C to sit in the shade.
I tried to keep C out of the water.
I fumed when C got sand on my beach towel.
I removed all objects from C’s mouth.
I got angry, angrier, angriest, supernova.
I don’t know what the hell I wanted. Did I really expect a 1-year-old to sit in the shade, not walk to the water, stay clean of sand, not put things in his mouth, not make a noise and not touch me?
My misery and C’s were such that the angelic Swedes, who were having a blast in the water, cut their fun short to head home sooner. And then they offered to stay with C in the car so I could go shower and have a good weep wind down a little.
They sent me the beach pics recently, and I was sorting them and sending them out.
And then I saw this picture. It looks like Paradise.
I almost wept with shame.
Amazingly Lovely Swedish Woman Whom I Cannot Believe Still Speaks To Me After That Trip: I’ve got a chocolate cake with your name on it, and I’m bringing it over as soon as I post this!
Amazingly Wonderful, Brave And Beautiful Son Of Mine: I love you.
Boy, this is as raw and honest as I think I have seen you get. You are a wonderful mother. Know how I know? The self-awareness, even when it comes after-the-fact: “Did I really expect a 1-year-old to sit in the shade, not walk to the water, stay clean of sand, not put things in his mouth, not make a noise and not touch me?” I’m pretty sure he knows he’s loved.
Daisy recently posted Language Lessons
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ofthesea Reply:
December 2nd, 2010 at 11:51 am
Oh, he does. And he takes advantage of me because of it! :D
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Daisy Reply:
December 2nd, 2010 at 12:08 pm
Hey, as for that challenge you slapped down the other day on bizarre google searches — I was prepared to cry uncle, thinking “My God, her source material!” But then there was this. I give you the following search of Dec 1, 2010 (for which I rank second): “circumcising a bear”.
Daisy recently posted Language Lessons
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ofthesea Reply:
December 2nd, 2010 at 12:15 pm
BAHAHAHAHAHA!
But that would be a zoophile, not a paedophile. The challenge is still on, should you choose to accept it!
Oh, you poor dear. You’re only human.
Serene recently posted Onion-goat-cheese Pie
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ofthesea Reply:
December 2nd, 2010 at 12:55 am
*sigh* So hard to admit that to myself, let alone the world!
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The beach can suck with really young children.
Hours of getting all the crap together and loaded.
Dragging afore-mentioned crap from the car across the hot asphalt across the hot sand.
Child rubbing sunscreen in his eyes and SHRIEKING for 30 minutes.
Sunburn.
Sand.
Soggy diapers.
Pissed off baby after 15 minutes.
No alcohol.
Repacking all crap while dealing with screaming baby.
Dragging crap across hot sand to the hot asphalt into the hot car.
Driving home exhausted.
Bathing the child first while you’re hot/sunburned/crabby.
The best part of the day? Napping in the air conditioning after a shower and swearing that the next day you’re going to the mall and SCREW the beach!
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ofthesea Reply:
December 2nd, 2010 at 12:56 am
Agree. I was not a beach person already, and now I’ve all but sworn it off unless I bring two nannies: one for C and one for ME.
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ha ha ha ha aha ha ha it was delish!
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ofthesea Reply:
December 1st, 2010 at 7:09 pm
I know it’s your fave! :)
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Also, lack of sleep makes me really bitchy… you are not alone there.
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ofthesea Reply:
December 1st, 2010 at 7:09 pm
Bitchy? Lack of sleep makes me axe-murderous!
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Been there, done that, was too cranky to take a pic to remember it by. I second have a glass of wine, giving C a big hug, and forgiving yourself. You are only human even if you are Supreme Queen Ostrich Hunter/Slayer and Mother of the Blessed Child.
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ofthesea Reply:
December 1st, 2010 at 7:10 pm
Supreme Queen Ostrich Hunter/Slayer. I like that!
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Give C an extra little hug and then let it go. I’m still working on not beating myself up and learning lessons too though, so I might not be the best one to be giving advice.
Neeroc recently posted Yes- I am a flake
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ofthesea Reply:
December 1st, 2010 at 7:11 pm
Heh, that’s why we support each other! *little hug*
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We have all been there and done that!! When I was a single mom of two toddlers and came home after a long day I remember the time i caught myself telling them “no talking” because the noise was just too much! Can you IMAGINE…telling children not to talk!! OMG been there hun!
How Does She Do It Mom recently posted Are You Necessary
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ofthesea Reply:
December 1st, 2010 at 8:26 pm
Ladies and Gents, the world’s 6th fittest lady commented in my humble blog! *bursting with pride at my cool cool commenters*
“No talking” rocks… did they actually pay heed!?
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How Does She Do It Mom Reply:
December 2nd, 2010 at 10:38 am
HaHa Nooooo!!! Telling my daughter not to talk is the equivalent of well..tell me not to talk!! This morning I timed how long she did not talk for on the way to school…she didn’t make it more than 5 seconds without starting again!!
How Does She Do It Mom recently posted Are You Necessary
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ofthesea Reply:
December 2nd, 2010 at 11:50 am
Then your shushing back then clearly did no lasting harm! :)
It happens. It is allowed. You are only human! Now dry your eyes and pour yourself a glass of wine :)
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ofthesea Reply:
December 1st, 2010 at 8:27 pm
Cheers! (…is whisky OK?)
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Carrie and the Bear Reply:
December 1st, 2010 at 9:15 pm
Even better!
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You find me a mom who says she hasn’t had a handful of days like that, and I’ll show you a liar.
Or someone with a 24 hour paid support system.
CDG recently posted L’Chaim
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ofthesea Reply:
December 1st, 2010 at 8:28 pm
I’m gonna be one of those as soon as I get my Carmela!
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Hi, been there, and felt like crap and confessed in my blog. I’m sure your Swedish angel has been there too :)
Chin up, next time will be better.
Judy recently posted Tis the season to be giving
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ofthesea Reply:
December 2nd, 2010 at 1:15 pm
Next time I will *not* go to the beach alone with the kid! XD
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Hey we all have been in your shoes… U can take comfort that your little one will grow up possibly have kids and will know what its like to be in your shoes!. Remember that saying ” Just wait till u have kids”….yep, Karma….btw couldn’t the pak and play be shared? oh- extra pillows would have kept him safe… better yet- the hotel may have had a crib- always ask, cuz u never know. :-)
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ofthesea Reply:
December 1st, 2010 at 8:29 pm
I checked: no crib. C BROKE his pack’n'play ages ago, which is why he doesn’t own one ATM (I WILL get another, tho.)
Sharing? Oh god, nobody would have slept!
And I did barricade the entire bed perimeter with pillows, but was still too paranoid to sleep. Augh ostrichness.
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We all weep, we all feel miserable and then guilty of our reactions to normal baby actions. It can be too much sometimes. I´m with you…
Marilia recently posted Confessions of a permissive mother
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ofthesea Reply:
December 1st, 2010 at 8:30 pm
Weepy, miserable and guilty – that about sums it up!
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Awww…..we have all been there. And we should all have Swedish friends!
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ofthesea Reply:
December 1st, 2010 at 8:30 pm
You haven’t lived until you have Swedish friends!
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Per Reply:
December 1st, 2010 at 8:44 pm
I agree to that!
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ofthesea Reply:
December 1st, 2010 at 8:48 pm
Swedish friends are the best. Like all Swedish things.
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