Reason #123 – I make a mockery of Christmas
Reason #123 – I make a mockery of Christmas
Dec 10Ever since I hit puberty and stopped getting cool presents for Christmas, I turned into the Grinch. “Christmas is for children,” I said, “and there are no children in this family.” And so for the last 20 few years I got out of Christmas free.
But last year in October I gave birth to the Blessed Child, and my “no children” excuse went down the diaper-clogged drain. Still I clung to my labour story (“4 1/2 kilos! No epi!”) to weasel out of most Christmas duties, especially gift-buying, -wrapping and -giving.
For C’s first Christmas I gave him three presents: my right boob, my left boob and a bottle of formula.
This year I have no excuses: there is a (Blessed) child in the family, and I am totally recovered from labour (damn.) Yet I am again making a complete mockery of the spirit of Christmas.
Let me rewind a couple of months to C’s birthday party, the one in which we all dressed like pirates and went on a treasure hunt and bashed a piñata and C ended up all blue from the frosting and then passed out on the sofa while I opened and played with all of his presents.
We. Made. A. Killing.
And since he has no way of telling how many presents there were, and some were too advanced for his age, and some were too noisy for my sanity, and some were too cool to just be used as teething aids, I put roughly half of them away waiting for a better time to release them into the wild.
*a coin tinkles, rolls, clatters and… drops*
Eu-fucking-reka!
The Spirit of Christmas is dying in a writhing puddle before my eyes just like something out of an Edgar Allan Poe
For C’s second Christmas, he will get back his embargoed birthday presents!
Hey, it beats boobs and a bottle. Especially if we’re talking about my boobs.
And C doesn’t need to ever find out.
And I’m an unemployed single mom*! Help me! Use the affiliate links! Donate!
*ahem*
Next year I’ll be good. I’ll bake cookies and wrap presents and sing carols with C…
… if I can’t find a way to weasel out of it!
* OK, OK, a not-much-longer single mom who may have been spending a tad too much money lately on stuff like this. Please don’t tell Child Services. Or Santa!
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It seems that the blog race is still on, and while we are no longer #1 we are still holding out at a very dignified #10. Would you spare a second and vote for me even though I don’t deserve it? (see above) Thanks a bunch!
I wish I could do this!! My sons birthday happens to be on christmas day :( its an incredibly stressful time of year for me
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ofthesea Reply:
December 13th, 2010 at 8:10 pm
Oh noes, poor boy :( It must really suck for him. I’m sure you make a brave effort!
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I love it
Michelle Saunderson recently posted Idiots in Customer Service
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ofthesea Reply:
December 12th, 2010 at 3:41 pm
I don’t know why your comments keep being screened by Akismet, I have to fish them out of the spam all the time :S
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That is the best idea I’ve heard… I might just do that next year. This year I’m displaying some pretty crappy skillz and and my dear 4 month old will be getting nadda from me.
Her grammy on the other hand…
Izzy.0 recently posted Dear my precious Sophia
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ofthesea Reply:
December 11th, 2010 at 9:35 am
Just remember: on her birthday, put aside the coolest toys. Or even the best-wrapped presents, so you don’t have to even wrap them come Christmas! >:)
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It is genius, is what it is. And good for him. My guy is already developing his daddy’s little consumerist streak and I do not know how to turn back that tide. Embargoed toys. That’s some nice wordsmithing, too.
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ofthesea Reply:
December 10th, 2010 at 5:11 pm
*bow and curtsey*
Aw, stop it!
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Get away with it while you can! My godson is three and that would never, never fly. You bring him a stuffed bunny and PLOP it’s on the ground and he’s on to the next gift. And that was when he was two!
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ofthesea Reply:
December 10th, 2010 at 5:11 pm
I’m trying to avoid that, one recycled gift at a time!
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I get Sky and Austy ONE gift each from me… then one from “Santa”… last year they each got a new Car seat from St. Nick… and a smallish toy from me. My daughter was completely stoked over the car seat… “SANTA WANTS ME TO BE SAFE!”
Also: I had to buy Christmas gifts for 11 other children and spent 35 dollars, I’m so proud.
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ofthesea Reply:
December 10th, 2010 at 2:50 pm
Oh WOW – passing off a carseat for a present AND making them like it? You are an unsung hero and genius!!
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Smart Lady! I did the same (and vice versa with Christmas pressies for Birthdays). We are teaching them some valuable lessons:
- a green Christmas by recycling
- it’s the thought that counts
- the true meaning of Christmas (not this consumerism nonsense that goes on)
You’ll be happy you did this now, because as he gets older the presents will just get more spendy (and the recycling will be noticed).
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ofthesea Reply:
December 10th, 2010 at 11:11 am
A green Xmas! I wonder how far I can take that notion…. mwahahaha!
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E got pajamas his first Christmas.
Hey, they were cute pjs at least.
Alex@LateEnough recently posted I Ask- Do You See What My Inner Teenager Sees
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ofthesea Reply:
December 10th, 2010 at 11:11 am
Anything over boobs and bottle is already a bonus!
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New Bad Mom Post:Reason #123 – I make a mockery of Christmas. Read it now! http://1000reasonsimabadmom.com/reason-1...
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