Reason #128 – I am dooming my son to burn in Hell
Reason #128 – I am dooming my son to burn in Hell
Dec 17OK, maybe I am exaggerating. I am just dooming him to be bored in Limbo. If he dies soon enough.
Ack, that doesn’t sound right.
Costa Rica is a Catholic country, not just by inclination but actually by Constitution. The Christian frame of mind pervades our entire culture down to our eating habits, sexual preferences and exclamations of surprise.
As if this were not enough, I was the first grandchild of two deeply devout ladies. One grandmother belongs to a hardcore militant section of the Catholic Church. The other one was just enlisted with the Opus Dei*.
I was baptized, first communioned, confirmed. I was dressed as an angel, a shepherdess, a mule. I sang in church choirs for decades, did the Posadas every Christmas, wore an ashen cross on my forehead every year for Lent. Attended Mass every Sunday (and Tuesdays in school when I wasn’t quick enough to hide in the loo.) Went on pilgrimages and retreats. Took theology lessons through high school. Read a couple of Encyclicals.
I have an impeccable pedigree as a Catholic.
So obviously as soon as I turned of age, I turned away from all of it. All. Of. It.
I have the greatest respect for people of any faith, and I sincerely envy them when the going gets rough. But faith is, by its very definition, irrational, and I if I don’t believe then there is nothing anyone can say to make me believe. Not in God, Buddha or Allah. Not in Selassie. Not in the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
I just don’t have it in me to believe.
And I may be a fool, but at least I am a consistent fool, so I did not have C baptized.
Boy oh boy, have I caught flak about this.
My mom has wept, cajoled, begged. My aunties and grandma have coaxed, hinted, suggested. A couple of friends have even offered to take care of the whole thing for me so I don’t have to lift a finger or even be present.
No.
Baptising C would be the religious version of giving a mouse a cookie
Because I would be effectively enlisting him for life (and alleged afterlife) into something I want nothing with.
Because if he came from Sunday school asking “Momma, is it true that God made the world in seven days?” I would have to say “No, my darling, that is just a story.”
“Noah’s Ark?” “A story.”
“The Immaculate conception?” “A story.”
“The resurrection of Jesus?” “A parable, a metaphor, a figure of speech… a story.”
You don’t need to give me too much grief about this. We all know how the world works: as soon as C turns of age he will run off to get baptized as a Jehova’s Witness**, and then he will spoil every family gathering for the rest of my natural life by trying to save me from eternal fire afterwards.
In the meantime, he will remain my little faithless pagan.
My Blessed Child.
*In my twisted mind, this is a joke. Har har.
** No offense to Jehova’s Witnesses, but they just knocked on our door to try to convert us, like every bloody Sunday, and I found it incredibly annoying (like every bloody Sunday,) so having C become one seems the most fitting punishment for me right now (and, as a Redditor wisely pointed out, for all eternity too).
I’m a Christian and proud of it, but I respect others’ feelings towards other religions or non-religion (even if secretly I pray for them). What I find curious is that it’s funny how so many who have stepped away from religion do so from the Catholic faith. They were more often than not “forced” to go to mass and had the entire thing shoved down their throats. Does the Catholic church not realize that this method isn’t exactly the bees knees? Not to say that Christianity is without fault -all religion has it’s skeleton in the closet- but you know what I mean. Just something to think about…
[Reply to this]
ofthesea Reply:
August 29th, 2011 at 10:20 pm
I could not agree more! They seriously need a PR overhaul!
[Reply to this]
My husband & I are Christian, and we raise our kids that way. That being said, I can tell you we have a great many people who have their kids baptized at our church. Most of the time we don’t even know the parents & don’t ever see them in church. By the time their kids are old enough for Sunday School, they are dropped off & picked up afterward. All of a sudden we have these huge Confirmation classes, then guess what happens after that’s done? Yup, those kids don’t come back to church. Our son’s Confirmation class had 25 students, and there are only 5 or 6 who still come to church. They’re the same kids whose parents brought them to church their whole lives. If you don’t believe strongly enough in something to attend regularly, why make your kids go? What kind of message are you sending? Quit wasting your time, your kids’ time (because most of them don’t want to be there), and most of all the Sunday School or Confirmation teachers’ time. (And yes, I am one of those teachers trying to explain basic Christian beliefs to kids who would already know them if their parents bothered to come to church!) In the Catholic & Lutheran religions when you have your child baptized you are making a promise to God that you will bring this child to church regularly, teach them in the faith, place the Bible in their hands, etc etc. To someone who is a Christian, this is serious business!
[Reply to this]
Brigitte Reply:
January 25th, 2011 at 7:43 pm
I forgot to mention I was raised Catholic … or more accurately had it shoved down my throat for 12 yrs. After marrying a Lutheran, I started attending that church – something my mother was not happy about at all. We were married in the Catholic church and our son was baptized in the Catholic church. Our daughters were baptized in the Lutheran church. My parents (okay, my mom) refused to attend any of our kids’ religious ceremonies in the Lutheran church (Baptism, First Communion etc) until our son had his Confirmation 2 years ago, and only after much pleading from our son, who is their oldest grandchild. After attending his Confirmation service, my parents admitted they were impressed with our church & pastor. A few months later, my mom told me she was happy we were raising our kids in a Christian home. (12 years after me becoming a Lutheran.) Sorry about the rant, just had to get it off my chest.
[Reply to this]
ofthesea Reply:
January 28th, 2011 at 7:10 pm
Thank you for sharing this! Maybe there is hope that my mom will eventually stop pestering me, even if it takes 12 years!
[Reply to this]
ofthesea Reply:
January 28th, 2011 at 7:12 pm
Exactly! And I do not wish to disrespect your beliefs (and those of millions of people) just to fulfill a vague social requirement. Glad someone sees it like I do, and even gladder that it is a Christian! :)
[Reply to this]
I feel ya! I’m in the very same position as you. Ex Catholic, turned to the non-believers side, or as others will call it “The dark side” hehe. My father in law (that oh so pleasant little creature) had my husband disowned when I disagreed on turning my (yet-to-be-born) daughter into a muslim. Not like my husband(or I for that matter) gives a crap- in both counts: about the religion* or being disowned.
Anyhow…we are now both “not part of the family” (booh-frinking-hoo) and the parents of a..what was it he called her??- yeah, right: an illegitimate, faithless child.
Ahhh..the delights of being surrounded by the blessed, more enlightened, righteous believers. The fun never ends!
* I mean no disrespect for followers of any religion.
Gosh, it feels so good to vent. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
[Reply to this]
ofthesea Reply:
January 23rd, 2011 at 9:17 pm
An illegitimate faithless child? Just like mine then! ROCK ON, lady!
[Reply to this]
Was a Catholic, then a lapsed catholic and now I’m an atheist. Funny that the birth of my child is actually what solidified it for me.
My MIL has said I should get V baptized ‘just in case’! I case what? I don’t believe so there is no case. If she choses to believe later, that’s her decision and she can get her own damn self baptized…in the meantime g’ma gave her the story of baby jesus as a pop up book for her birthday this year…sigh.
Neeroc recently posted Dollar short
[Reply to this]
ofthesea Reply:
December 23rd, 2010 at 8:27 pm
If I were you I’d re-wrap and donate that sucka immediately. No point in exposing the kid to propaganda so early on!
[Reply to this]
I was not baptized, I went to catholic school (parents wanted the choice to be mine, then threw me to the wolves) I am athiest (humanist), my daughter = not baptized, and my very italian/hispanc family gives me more crap about this then anything in life. my mother also believes i am athiest because she didnt baptize me, silly italian woman. So ill be in “hell” with my daughter. But your not alone, ill take care of him, and the rest of the unbaptized folk lol
[Reply to this]
ofthesea Reply:
December 19th, 2010 at 9:27 pm
I think the hell for the lapsed Catholics like myself burns even hotter than all others. Glad someone will keep an eye on C before he brings the place down! ;)
[Reply to this]
I am a 32 year old happy german woman and my parents did the unthinkable in their family. in the late 70ties they did not marry in church (although they where 18 and 22 years old) and after that they did not have their children (aka me and my brothers) babtised. We are all grown up now, (although the baby is 21, is this grown up?) and all children had a rebbel believe phase and no we are either agnostic or atheistic. So C will be fine and he will happily stay in Limbo. Wenn du möchtest werde ich dort auf ihn warten!
[Reply to this]
ofthesea Reply:
December 19th, 2010 at 9:26 pm
Ach, dass freut mich, that neither of you actually remained in the “rebel belief” phase.
There is hope for us yet!
[Reply to this]
Wow, this post is popular. I was baptized by the skin of my nonexistent teeth — one year before my mother finally walked out of a midnight mass with a Priest exclaiming that a recently deceased babe was stuck in purgatory because of it’s delinquent parents. That was her nail in the coffin of “this is a load of crap” and she never looked back. I’m a heathen now and so is the Bear.
[Reply to this]
ofthesea Reply:
December 18th, 2010 at 12:07 pm
I’m amazed at how popular indeed, I expected it would stir controversy but we all remain on the same page!
[Reply to this]
I my mom’s eyes I have done the same thing. Although later in life. I had my first two kiddos baptized and then quit. Had two more kids and oops, they haven’t been. Every time I talk to my mom the conversation ALWAYS turns to this. I can feel it coming, and before I can quickly and un-rudely get off the phone she’s preaching to me about it. So just know your not alone. Mommy guilt from your own mommy sucks!
[Reply to this]
ofthesea Reply:
December 18th, 2010 at 12:08 pm
Oh that’s funny – you kinda hedged your bets there! Tell your mom she got 2 out of 4 and that ain’t bad! :D
[Reply to this]
I turned away from it at approximately the same age after 13 years of Catholic school, an insufferable 2-year Confirmation ordeal which did more harm than good, and my mother writhing on the floor as I packed up to go to my dorm room about the prospect of me dumping the Almighty. Frankly, I went through some hard times and wanted to come back, but it’s not the same Church I grew up in. I grew up in a Church that was about service to others and living good lives. The Church now is about controlling peoples crotches. When they move back up to the head and the heart, maybe I’ll give it a whirl. But I can’t imagine bringing my own daughter to church like my mother did and explaining to her that we don’t believe half the crap the priest is spewing. It’s just disingenuous. So I think you are being honest, which is right.
[Reply to this]
ofthesea Reply:
December 18th, 2010 at 12:09 pm
Exactly! I usually defend myself saying I am a Humanist of sorts: I believe in values, and in being a good person, working hard, being kind to others. If we all agreed on that (instead of arguing over what to believe) the world would be a better place fo sho.
[Reply to this]
My wife and I have been more than a little surprised that our parents have not made a peep about our 11-month-old daughter–the only grandchild any of them have!–not being baptisied. We were both raised as Christians, both grew out of it with no harm done. My mom was upset and then in denial when I told her, but not a peep since. Of course, when our girl is older, I won’t be the least surprised if grandma tries to drag her to church. We’ll do our best to raise her to be a clear thinking person and let the philosophical chips fall where they may. What else can you do, right? All of us who were raised with faith but later rejected it know that you can’t force someone to believe something.
John recently posted Touch Me but more importantly- please Touch my wife!
[Reply to this]
ofthesea Reply:
December 18th, 2010 at 12:11 pm
Exactly! We can bring them up to be good people and then bite our tongues and accept their decisions.
Off to read your blog – that title is irresistible!!!
[Reply to this]
Rock on! I’m a cradle Catholic who stopped being Catholic as a teenager and then went back as an adult (talk about work!), so I’ve got my faith on — but I understand entirely that if you don’t have it or want it, it’s none of my business to go, “But-but-but…! What about the children?!”
You’re raising your son in a way that’s honest and gives integrity to your beliefs, and that’s awesome.
(Actually just wrote about this topic a couple weeks ago, lol, so it’s fresh in my brain cells.)
Ashley recently posted Talking about EVERY Mom
[Reply to this]
ofthesea Reply:
December 18th, 2010 at 12:14 pm
That is so interesting, a re-re-relapsed Catholic! I have all the more respect for your faith, since it is clearly your choice.
And I’m glad we agree on integrity over form!
[Reply to this]
Put up a No Trespassing sign. That should keep the JW away.
[Reply to this]
ofthesea Reply:
December 18th, 2010 at 12:14 pm
Nothing keeps them from knocking. NOTHING. I usually tell them i’m Jewish to get them to go quickly.
[Reply to this]
I had an easy out. My mother’s family consistently asked when I was going to get O baptized. Luckily, I married a Mormon – at least he used to be. (Did I ruin him? Perhaps, I don’t know.) They baptize when they are older. So I had an excuse – Nick and I want to wait.
Not that we go to church. And not that I want my kids convinced that they are going to hell despite going to church regularly, like my husband was convinced. Seems pointless to take your children somewhere where they are then convinced that they are evil, sinners, and going to hell.
[Reply to this]
ofthesea Reply:
December 18th, 2010 at 12:17 pm
Dang, that’s a great excuse. So they’re OK with the idea of your kids being baptised Mormon? Anything will do as long as your kid gets watered?
My people are WAY more territorial. That excuse wouldn’t fly. I can totally hear them: “Mormon?!!? Whaddaya mean Mormon?!!? Do you want him to grow to be a POLYGAMIST???”
[Reply to this]
I have a party bus if anyone wants to join lol
[Reply to this]
ofthesea Reply:
December 18th, 2010 at 12:17 pm
I’ll bring the beer!
[Reply to this]
My sister has six kids, that’s right, I said SIX! They were all babptised right down to the very….last….one…..no wait. For some reason she still hasn’t baptised her soon to be 3 year old yet. Hmmm…
When my LO was born my fanatical catholic grandmother was in my hospital room 24 hours after LO made her appearance saying things like “she’s an angel” and “you’re going to have her baptised right?” and “you know your sister still hasn’t baptised O right?”.
This is the same women who said she wouldn’t come to my wedding if it was outside in the most beautiful park within 15 miles of my house and where DH proposed to me because “If it’s not in the church it’s not recognized by the church and I will take no part in that.”
UGH! So, long story kind of short – I feel your pain.
[Reply to this]
ofthesea Reply:
December 18th, 2010 at 12:17 pm
Catholic grandmothers. We love them to pieces, but good grief can they talk!
[Reply to this]
No worries… I have a bus thats going straight to hell and I’ll reserve a seat for you… I was brought up in the church (Christian, but no less stringent)and my family has done the same thing…
I figure it this way… If Im going to hell Im going to enjoy the ride. I’ll pick my own mode of transportation and the way I get there lol. I figure a party bus with all the ppl I like and enjoy with me will make it a fun ride lol
[Reply to this]
ofthesea Reply:
December 18th, 2010 at 12:19 pm
I don’t want my son to even *worry* about the notion of hell. Life can suck enough as it is.
Which is why we must make sure we have as much fun as possible!
[Reply to this]
I’ve done even better – had The Girl baptized, but not The Boy. We had an awesome minister at my family’s church when TG was born. He totally got that we spent every Sunday (and every other day) trying to renovate our failing house, taking care of older relatives, etc. Then he retired before TB was born. And for 6 years – SIX! YEARS! – I have just not gotten around to it. Come to think of it, maybe that’s why The Boy is a little hellion… ;-)
[Reply to this]
ofthesea Reply:
December 18th, 2010 at 12:20 pm
Quick! Douse him in holy water!
…and let me know if it works! ;)
[Reply to this]
LOL @ Sarah! I think all moms are doomed to hell. I know I am fighting for the drivers seat! Thank goodness for some kind of saving out there for my child, that is until she realizes of course she is just as doomed as her mom and then she can fight for shotgun!
[Reply to this]
sarah Reply:
December 17th, 2010 at 7:08 am
@Stephanie: that driver’s seat gets bigger every day!!! I think we will be in great company! Oop! Speed bump!
[Reply to this]
ofthesea Reply:
December 17th, 2010 at 7:42 am
Shotgun!
[Reply to this]
You are going to burn in hell, Lady. C will of course be Saved thru Osmosis.
[Reply to this]
New Bad Mom Post:Reason #128 – I am dooming my son to burn in Hell. Read it now! http://1000reasonsimabadmom.com/reason-1...
[Reply to this]