Everything sounds better in Spanish.

Everything.

The humble “watermelon” becomes the melodious “sandía”, the boring “desk” becomes a sing-song “escritorio”, and the rather rude “sonofabitch snot-face” becomes a loving “jueputa mocoso.”

It’s almost poetry!

You must know I do not call C this out of anger. When I am mad I call him by his first name, middle name, and both surnames, like every Costa Rican mother before me. To this day, my stomach drops whenever my mother calls me by my full name.

No. I call C a jueputa mocoso out of affection, whenever he does something incredibly cute, whenever I feel proud of a trick he’s just performed.

Awwww! Jueputa mocoso! My lil sonofabitch snot-face!


20 Comments

  1. deya
    Posted January 21, 2011 at 1:06 pm | Permalink

    Diosss, no me habia reido tanto in ages!! – tu ‘jueputica mocoso’ es encantador.Saludos!

    • Posted January 23, 2011 at 9:21 pm | Permalink

      Gracias! Y vos tenes jueputas mocosos propios? :)

      • deya
        Posted January 24, 2011 at 9:48 am | Permalink

        Si, tengo una recien salida del horno (3 meses), a la cual a veces llamo dulcemente: “that whining lil shit”, “Bojotico de mierda” y, como dirian tambien en mi tierra natal: muchacha er coño!!. Esta ultima, normalmente cuando estoy sleep-deprived and trying to get her back to sleep in the middle of the night.

  2. Posted January 17, 2011 at 2:40 pm | Permalink

    Hahahahaha! I think I peed a little. I have to say, I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s called her precious spawn things like “you little soul-stealing piece of monkey shit.” Unfortunately, as the mother of teenage soul-stealing pieces of monkey shit, I’ll let you in on a secret. They WILL get you back.

    • Posted January 17, 2011 at 2:47 pm | Permalink

      Oh dear. That is one day I DON’T look forward to!

      …and “soul-stealing piece of monkey shit” is going to become a part of my vocabulary starting NOW. You rock!

  3. Katie
    Posted January 4, 2011 at 7:40 pm | Permalink

    Too funny…my DD’s name rhymes with sandia so I think she’s going to think that that’s her middle name as she’s often called by both names. She’s also known as “mona chuca”…dirty monkey…which is still fitting at 3years old! Today she gave herself a mani/pedi with permanent marker!

  4. Naomi
    Posted December 28, 2010 at 11:04 pm | Permalink

    My mom totally freaks when I refer to my kids as butthead or jerks…lol…but seriously when my 2 y o is being a Jerk, I tell him.

    Later, I will tell him it means Junior Educated Rich Kid, Ya’ll remember that one right?

    • Posted January 2, 2011 at 3:26 pm | Permalink

      LOL. Well done for saying it like it is!
      Beware – as soon as his language skills improve, he may be saying it right back atcha. That’s one day I don’t look forward to!

  5. Posted December 27, 2010 at 10:42 pm | Permalink

    I would love to know half the crazy things my husband’s Woonsocket Quebecois family calls the children.

    It’s like French in a blender, but very colorful when translated.
    CDG recently posted An Actual Conversation

    • Posted December 27, 2010 at 10:56 pm | Permalink

      You know, it’s all in the delivery! ;)

      And Woonsocket Quebecois? I’m jealous!!

  6. Posted December 27, 2010 at 7:39 pm | Permalink

    I need several of these “affectionate” names for my little shits. However, they cannot be in Spanish, for they have a Spanish teacher who lived in Costa Rica and would translate quite rapidly once the boys went in and asked him. LOL!
    Jen recently posted Merry Christmas

    • Posted December 27, 2010 at 10:04 pm | Permalink

      Anyone? “Affectionate” names for kids in other languages?

  7. Posted December 27, 2010 at 7:10 pm | Permalink

    I call them “cabrones” with that sense of pride you talk about. And some people think I am bitter mother… well, maybe but no when I call “cabrones” my two little pieces of shit… I mean, heaven…
    Ministry recently posted Post aguado

    • Posted December 27, 2010 at 7:33 pm | Permalink

      Good one! C also goes by huevón and infeliz, but none have the musicality and poetry of jueputa mocoso!

  8. Posted December 27, 2010 at 5:19 pm | Permalink

    Hee! I would say, when they were little and wouldn’t stop crying, in a singsong voice, “Who’s my little shit? Who’s my sweet little bastard?” as I rocked them. The rocking helped them, and the cursing helped me.

    (My name growing up was Sandi, so my Mexican relatives rapidly chose to call me Sandía. :-)
    Serene recently posted Gingerbread cookies

  9. Posted December 27, 2010 at 3:46 pm | Permalink

    ROF! I called my youngest child “little shit” until someone asked him his name and he answered, yep, “My name is Little Shit”.

  10. Posted December 27, 2010 at 6:23 pm | Permalink

    New Bad Mom Post:Reason #132 – I call my son horrible, horrible names. Read it now! http://1000reasonsimabadmom.com/reason-1

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