Reason #159 – My son hates spending time with me

Reason #159 – My son hates spending time with me

May 13

I must really suck at this parenting thing, because my kid actively hates being with me.

It is a mighty long stretch between the end of daycare and the time the Dane gets home, and C has made it abundantly clear that my company is not entertaining enough. This is why, besides spending hours chasing him around our courtyard, I’ve plodded through parks, playgrounds and playgroups*, occasionally upping the ante with parades and the like.

All to no avail. He still hates being with me.

Take the playground. After doing my best to follow the super-strict playground rules**, twisting my ankles trotting after C and spraining both elbows pushing C’s swing beyond endurance, this is the happiest expression I get out of him:

Put the flags out. His majesty is mildly amused.

Let’s try something else. What about playgroup? An array of snacks lovingly arranged by one of the moms, 30 kids to play with, a beautiful park and playground (unlike our nearby one, which looks like a huge vag) and cute crafts to do. Maybe this will get a smile out of him?

Close, but no cigar. Time to take this to the next level. What about… a parade?

Maybe you remember my recent post about the Doo Dah Parade. Before the Hotdog Catastrophe we sat there for quite a while, watching the weird and wonderful floats go by, while I did my best impersonation of a slightly hysterical children’s TV presenter: “Oh loooook, a big kitty! Do you like the kitty!” “Oooh, zombies! Are you scared of the zombies?” “Wow, they’re shooting hotdogs! Let’s try to catch one, come on!”

Guess what?

OK, this is it! I’m bringing out the heavy artillery!

And this is why this morning I packed a proper diaper bag, with snacks and all, and took half a day off daycare to spend some quality time. I was gonna show this boy how much fun I could be by taking him to the Pony Rides on Griffith Park! Surely after having the time of his life riding a cute pony in a lovely park he would finally admit I am against all evidence a lot of fun. I’d use a Trojan pony to finally get a smile out of him. How clever of me!

And did he enjoy riding? Did he?

Did he heck. He was bored on the first turn, and wept bitterly through the second. I had to ask the stable hand to let him out before the end of the allotted time just to minimise his misery.

Sod off, Virgil. This Trojan horse ploy doesn’t work for me, and I bet it didn’t work for the Greeks.

I give up. I am the most boring person alive, and my poor miserable son is doomed to a life of ennui.

Wait – is that a smile I see? A bright, beautiful, sunny smile? The heck!?!?

Oh, of course.

The Dane is home.

 

* TBH, I loooove playgroup, but that is actually because I get to ignore the boy and chat with other moms.

** There’s a post coming up on this. Be patient, little grasshoppers.