Reason #184 – I traumatize my baby boy
Reason #184 – I traumatize my baby boy
Aug 25Uh-oh. This is a pretty bad one.
My previously angelic baby is turning terribly two very soon, and the only way we have found to deal with his increasingly horrible temper is the Dane’s Magical Tantrum Stopping Technique, which is usually administered via a laptop or my iPod.
Tonight I was declawing paring C’s fingernails – he really was one day away from becoming Wolverine – and in retaliation he was doing his best to make my eardrums bleed with his impressively high-pitched screaming. The Dane intervened to save my life (and my hearing, and my sanity) and tried to apply the Tantrum Stopper with the nearest electronic device: his phone.
C went silent.
I resumed my declawing duties.
C went really silent.
And then the Dane asked me in a quiet voice: “Do you think this is appropriate?”
Now, some back story. Most of you may not know that the Dane and I had a long distance relationship before we got married, and we crossed the Atlantic every 3 months to spend some time together. If you have ever been in a long distance relationship, you will know how important it is to keep the flame alive between meetings: emails, chats, video chats, photos…
Photos?
Ahem.
What follows now is merely a theory. I am not saying it has any actual basis on reality.
Let’s just say for the sake of argument that I may or may not own a beautiful satin corset with steel boning, which looks a lot like this one.
If it existed. And I had it. Which we don’t know for sure.
There’s a narrow chance that, during our long-distance relationship, I might have sent the Dane a few self-portraits wearing a tightly laced satin corset somewhat similar to the one pictured above. Strictly for the advancement of science.
Ahem.
And what do you know? The Dane may have liked those hypothetical photos so much he kept some in his phone for easy access reference purposes. And then possibly forgot about them when he was distracting the boy with baby photos so I could finish declawing him.
And now my poor child’s psyche may have been forever scarred with images of his mother in… actually, let’s just leave it here. This hypothetical scenario does not even bear thinking about. Perish the thought!
Now, if you excuse me, I’m off to hide under my bed and be very, very embarrassed for the rest of the night.
…unless I’m required for the advancement of science, of course.
I do anything for science.
oooh, comment fail! obvs, that was meant to be threaded below.
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matter of fact, I do.
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ofthesea Reply:
August 26th, 2011 at 2:22 pm
Those bastards! They won’t let me share the book with you! (probably because it’s So Very raunchy)
Damn. You would have liked it.
Will send you something else instead. Expect weirdness.
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I’m sure your son sees you naked from time to time, so i really wouldn’t worry about him. However, I would be more concerned where the Dane is showing these lovely photos… hopefully only at home to C. lol
I really don’t think you should worry. I was changing into my bathing suit yesterday and Sam was running around waiting to go to swimming lessons. He happened to pop back in the room while I was putting on my swimsuit and he ran up behind me, smacked my bare butt and say MOMMY’S BUM IS NAKED!! LOL Love my kid, he’s hilarious. So, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.
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ofthesea Reply:
August 26th, 2011 at 9:16 pm
You got a good point: he does see me naked on a regular basis! I do hope, however, that he will not see me again in what practically amounts to light bondage! XD
PS: Nah, I’m sure they’re for his own personal use ;)
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A corset?
Bah!
He’ll just grow up appreciating the finer things.
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ofthesea Reply:
August 26th, 2011 at 12:47 pm
As ever, I like the way you think!
…that said, my son is probably going to be the next Nicholson Baker. I’ll lend you the book if you haven’t read it ;)
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CDG Reply:
August 26th, 2011 at 1:07 pm
I am totally in favor of reading things you recommend!
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ofthesea Reply:
August 26th, 2011 at 1:23 pm
You gots a Kindle?
Ohhh honey that really is not that bad. U didnt traumatize him & he will never remember the picture in a million years. Besides have u seen how alot of women dress now a days? They wear them things with a pair of jeans to a pta meeting. But girl….that is one sexy ass corset, im in love with it. I love kinky/sexy nighttime outffits, & that would be so perfect 2 add 2 my collection. I think now id like to go nightime outffit shopping. Thanks 4 putting the idea in my head.
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Daisy Reply:
August 25th, 2011 at 11:16 am
“They wear them things with a pair of jeans to a pta meeting.”
I heart you.
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ofthesea Reply:
August 26th, 2011 at 12:45 pm
She does rock!
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ofthesea Reply:
August 26th, 2011 at 12:46 pm
I got my beauty at Honor in London – the best part of buying it was when the salesgirl showed me how tight it could go!
I don’t think I’ve ever been able to tighten it that much since. Boo.
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That’s it? So your husband has a pic of you wearing a completely opaque pretty top that might have squished your waist a bit. Your child might have seen a bit of skin.. Heck lady, that’s NOTHING! You see grown women wearing corsets like that as party clothes, so why worry?
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ofthesea Reply:
August 26th, 2011 at 12:48 pm
Well… the photos were not *just* the corset. Ahem. *BLUSH*
I’ll make him password-protect those things right now!
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Wait til he’s old enough to find find the hypothetical toys hidden in the drawer of a hypothetical nightstand drawer…. At least with the pics hes too young to know the details of why you might be wearing something lik that lol
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Heidi Reply:
August 25th, 2011 at 6:52 am
and just ignore the typos and grammatical errors on this one… its early and I was too busy advancing the scientific process last night to get enough sleep lol
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ofthesea Reply:
August 26th, 2011 at 12:48 pm
Woo woo! ;)
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ofthesea Reply:
August 26th, 2011 at 12:48 pm
Been there, done that, haven’t blogged about it for lack of a good enough photo! :D
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