As ever, I wish I was joking.
But this is no joke.
We were invited to a pool party, and (as ever) I forgot to get a present, so we stopped on the way and got something nice for the birthday girl. Trust me, this is relevant to the drowning.
We arrived kinda early to the party, and there were a few kids in the pool and a few parents sitting in the shade. I changed C into his trunks, doused him in SPF 5000, felt virtuous and responsible, and then I let him join the kids that were already splashing in what seemed a pretty shallow pool.
I think my exact words were “you can go to the pool now, my love.”
Having done all this, I started digging in my huge, heavy and chaotic handbag for a pen with which to write C’s name on the gift tag of the present we’d just bought.
Then I saw the hostess fly past me. Girlfriend can sprint.
Then I saw two dads running towards the pool too.
Then I found the pen, and only THEN I turned my attention to what was going on at the pool.
Our hostess, fully dressed, jumping into the pool…
…and fishing up a kid who was flailing in the middle of it…
…(holy crap, the middle of the pool is chest deep!?!?)…
…and as our hostess held up this kid who’d been drowning in the freakishly deep middle of the pool, I realized that it was my child.
C had jumped right into the deep end, which amply covered him, and was for all effects and purposes drowning, while I looked for a pen 5 meters away.
Not just that, but he was spotted AND rescued by another person. A person who was not me.
Because I hadn’t even noticed he was drowning. Or thought to at least check how deep the pool was. Or even glanced in the kid’s direction as he entered it.
C bounced back in exactly 3 seconds, and enjoyed the rest of the party like the party animal he is. But sweet mother of pearl, I can’t stop thinking about what might *knock wood ptui ptui* have happened.
Ladies and gent, I think we have a new low.