Reason #27 – I poison my son and he loves it
Reason #27 – I poison my son and he loves it
Jul 07I know you believe I only feed my son giant cauliflowers, but the truth is sadly very very different. Although I do my honest-to-god best effort to feed him well and truly, every now and then I give him pure, unadulterated poison, and he never fails to ask for more.
Feeding a child is a minefield, and mine has been no exception.
First there were the breastfeeding nazis (we’ll get there in another post, I promise) who were gonna kill me until I was dead if I gave C anything other than boob juice for the first 3/6/9/6000 months. Little Britain, anyone?
Then the young’un sprouted some teeth and the vet pediatrician (dammit!) went all “no egg, no fish, no citrus” on my ass and I had to throw away all the ceviche I had lovingly made for his first solid meal.
I am a born masochist, so of course I went and read stuff in The Internets, which promptly added “no salt, no sugar, no milk, no nuts, no fruit of this kind/that kind/any kind, no jalapeño peppers, no candy bars, no beef jerky.” Killjoys. I bet beef jerky is the ultimate teething aid.
Someone gave me a looovely baby cookbook with recipes for baby mash that ended with instructions like “sprinkle some chopped mint on top before serving” or “drizzle with a little extra virgin olive oil.” Damn, I don’t eat that well myself anymore!
And so, between one thing and the other, I’ve been feeding C the best I can. In the morning he gets porridge and fruit, and for lunch and dinner he has homemade baby food (note that I said homemade, not mommy-made. My day has only so many hours.) Along the day he snacks on the occasional plain cookie and he drinks his way through a sick number of bottles of formula.
No sugar. No salt. No nuts.
No habanero chiles.
And yet…
And yet…
My dear good God, how he LOVES McDonald’s fries!
[Pictures were late because we had been invited to a Mc D birthday this past Sunday and OH YES I DID LET HIM EAT FRIES. Come get me, boob nazis, I don't fear you!!]
Note: I am using the term “nazi” in its popular connotation of “dogmatically intolerant and willing to gas you at the slightest provocation.” Be it known that I lived in Germany, I speak German, I love Germans, and this lovely country and its people should in no way be associated to breastfeeding fanatics. So there.
I accidentally let my daughter have french toast before she was a year old. I didn’t know a baby wasn’t supposed to have egg of any kind until they were a year old. (oops) so I too am a bad mom. I wasn’t well informed.
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ofthesea Reply:
October 25th, 2011 at 9:48 pm
And yet they thrive!
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Updated Bad Mom Post:Reason #27 – I poison my son and he loves it. Read it now! http://1000reasonsimabadmom.com/reason-2...
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That which does not kill him will only make him stronger. And later, more bitter and spiteful.
Chicks dig bitter and spiteful, however. So there’s that, then.
Nigel recently posted Reason 625 Why I Am a Cat Person
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What I found worked well for the teething?
Roofing shingles.
Also, bicycle tires.
Hope that helps.
Nigel recently posted Reason 625 Why I Am a Cat Person
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ofthesea Reply:
August 13th, 2010 at 11:05 am
C chews on normal car tires. Maybe I should write about that? I’m sure it’s not textbook parenting…
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This is GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am still HYSTERICAL with tears!!!
All I can hear is people saying no sugar, no this, no that, mostly from my brother who is younger and has NO KIDS!!! My daughter will get the occasional lollipop, cookie, etc… but no matter what, if we are out and about FRIES are a MUST!!! Even at home if she wont eat anything else they are a no fail meal! (better tho because they are baked and not fried in all that oil)
Keep them coming! I just love your posts and feel so much better about my parenting that I am not a horrible mother because there are more like me! (We may be the majority!!!!)
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ofthesea Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 10:31 am
We probably ARE the majority, and what the nay-sayers don’t quite get is that we mean well. Also, fries are dam tasty, and even a baby knows that!
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quien lo peino como edward??
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ofthesea Reply:
July 20th, 2010 at 8:19 pm
Yo seguro, pero nunca me queda tan bien como a usted!
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