Reason #28 – I go all Mexican wrestler on my baby’s ass

Jul 08

Judo? You thought using Judo on a baby was bad? Let me set you straight: Judo is for pansies.

C has been going through his first ever stomach bug, courtesy of Scandinavia (we have Swedish and Danish suspects, so it’s hard to pin the blame.) I hear if he survives it he’ll get a horned helmet as a memento.

For a boy who normally hates to have his privates handled, suffering from Scandi-runnies is hell on wheels. Wait: make that hell on wings, since three days into said runnies we had to take a 20-hour flight back home.

(Guess who learned a lesson about flying alone with a toddler? And they say you can’t teach an old dog!)

To make a long and painful story short, my impossibly fast and strong boy* will stop at NOTHING to make sure his (already miserably irritated) nether parts are not disturbed in any way. I, on the other hand, will stop at NOTHING to ensure he remains free of poo and to prevent further damage to said parts.

A dilemma for theoretic physics: what happens when an irresistible force meets an immovable diaper?

This Clash of the Titans took place every 45 minutes or so in a number of cramped airplane and airport toilets, and every time it ended with us looking like this:

Maybe it’s time to get us some masks and start a family tradition.

* Holy crap, my son sounds disturbingly like a Cullen! (For those of you who just crawled out from under a rock, the Cullens are a family of Mormon vampires from the terrifyingly popular Twilight series of books and films.) Tomorrow I will take the boy out in the sun and freak out big time if he sparkles.