Reason #34 – Someone else will have to teach my kid manners
Reason #34 – Someone else will have to teach my kid manners
Jul 12Still an inexperienced traveller, C faced his fair share of culture shock during our time in the Scandilands, both for good (“Do you really mean I can touch everything in this museum? And crawl on it? And drool on it??”) and for bad (“AAAAAH SCARY TRAINS PLEASE MAKE THEM STOP!!!”) Me, I’ve been around the block a few times, so I enjoyed playing the role of the cool unflappable guide who’s seen it all.
Until the day I didn’t see anything at all.
In our last day in Copenhagen, C and I ambled into a sweet little empty cafe looking for some brunch. After struggling to maneuver the Buggysaurus up a steep step and through a narrow doorway, I was greeted by the owner with a curt speech in Old Norse: “Bwah bwah BWAH bwah bwah.” We quickly settled into English and I got the translated version of the speech, which turned out to mean “We don’t allow prams inside when it’s busy because it gets too cramped in here.”
Wait. What?
I looked to my right and there was no one; then to my left, where there was no one either. Also no one behind me or even outside the door. C and I were the only customers in the previously empty cafe; I was absolutely certain.
Since we are strangers in a strange land, it is our duty to promote goodwill among nations and leave a good impression of our homeland. So I struggled to remember all those etiquette lessons my grandma enrolled me in, I put on my sweetest smile, and I said:
Oh dear, I am so sorry about this, it’s just that there is no way I could possibly leave my baby alone outside. I’d hate my pram to be an inconvenience to you, especially considering today’s brisk business, so what about I take the baby outside and sit in one of your lovely little tables and you GET OFF YOUR FAT ASS, COME THE FU** OUT AND TAKE OUR BLOODY ORDER, BITCH!?!??!
The salmon sandwich, iced coffee and muffin were all delicious. C, who feels entitled to eat a fair share of whatever I’m having , was puzzled (and miffed) that I wouldn’t give him even a small taste of anything, but goodness knows how many people must have spit on my food back in the kitchen after my exquisite display of manners.
You can never be too careful.
God you’re funny- and he totally had it coming!
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ofthesea Reply:
January 23rd, 2011 at 9:24 pm
Hee, thanks. But I don’t think I’ll be eating there again any time soon…
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LAUGHMYASSOFFTOSUNDAYANDBACK!!!!
File under: shit I wish I’d said to assholes!
Signed,
Not Emily Post aka muffintopmommy
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ofthesea Reply:
January 20th, 2011 at 2:33 pm
Thanks! I hope they feel like you do – goodness knows I could do with some *paid* work!
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Updated Bad Mom Post:Reason #34 – Someone else will have to teach my kid manners. Read it now! http://1000reasonsimabadmom.com/reason-3...
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That was just fun to read!!
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This is hysterical! What a freakin’ fab idea for a blog. FAB! So glad you stopped by my blog. And my other, blog too! (that would be Mommypants and The Red Dress Club)
Also? I fixed my twitter issue. Please come follow!
Cheryl @ Mommypants recently posted Happy Blogaversary to me
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So funny! Manners aren’t everything. Avoiding eating spit, or at least knowing when you are, is a very important skill. :)
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ofthesea Reply:
July 12th, 2010 at 8:36 pm
Heh, that’s what I say. Life skills! ;)
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P.S.: Glad you posted at The Red Dress Club!
Naked Girl in a Dress recently posted Celebrating Each Step
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This is such a funny post! I loved the build up and ending. You really closed beautifully.
Naked Girl in a Dress recently posted Celebrating Each Step
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ofthesea Reply:
July 12th, 2010 at 8:38 pm
TY TY TY! Also thanks for the Red Dress Tip! I suffer from editor’s myopia, so it will be great to hear what others have to suggest!
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