Reason #37 – I’m a selfish, inconsiderate egomaniac

Reason #37 – I’m a selfish, inconsiderate egomaniac

Jul 15

Before every single flight, the cabin crew assure you that “oxygen masks will drop if there is loss of cabin pressure,” and insist that you should put your mask on first before helping others.

Could you really be self-centered enough to do that?

I could.

I can.

I’m technically* a single mom. This means that I am always the last line of the defence: the sleepless nights, the stinky messes, the evil disciplining, the cutting of toenails and removal of ear wax are my realm, and nobody else’s.

However, the fact that I am ultimately responsible for the dirty jobs doesn’t mean that I actually have to do them every single time.

If anyone volunteers to look after C, or change his diaper, or put him to sleep, I will graciously and gratefully accept and then proceed to jump on the next plane to London pour myself a stiff drink put my feet up and enjoy some much-needed Me Time. And if during this time C sounds upset, or stinks to high heavens, or disappears from my sight, I won’t interrupt my nap, shower or magazine. Callous, I know.

I was in a fight relationship-improving-talk (ahem) recently that ended among accusations of selfishness on my part, and I suspect they had a LOT to do with me washing my hands of the boy whenever I had a chance. Pity. He-who-doesn’t-want-to-be-mentioned-here is a fantastic man. But he is off his rocker if he thinks I will give up whatever precious minutes of boy-less time I can milk from the goodwill of others.

You see, I need my “beauty rest” because otherwise I will burn out, and I cannot afford to burn out because I am the last line of the defence.

So yes. Call me selfish, but I will put my oxygen mask on first.

Because I must.

* A long-distance relationship is bollocks when there is a kid in the mix. Call me selfish when we’re living together, buster.