Reason #42 – I forget how old my baby is, and he’s not even 1
Reason #42 – I forget how old my baby is, and he’s not even 1
Jul 18I am routinely teased for my poor memory, but surely even I would remember how long ago I went through 12 hours of seriously natural labour. At the end of which I was presented with a 4.5 kilogram baby (that’s about 10 pounds to you Imperial people.) Without as much as a Tylenol.
6 months ago? 9 months ago? 3 years ago?
Beats me.
OK, I may be exaggerating a tad. I do know when my boy’s birthday is, and I can tell you his age in months and weeks – a perk of having an under-1. What I often do is forget that he is only 9 months old, instead of the 2 years it says on his clothes’ labels. (No, I’m not bragging. Why would you even ask?)
I get the tiniest bit jealous competitive when I see kids half C’s size walking and talking. I don’t care if they are 2 – my son is bigger and he has more teeth! Why is he not forming sentences and climbing stairs?
I hate to admit this, but I go all pageant mom on C’s rear: “Boy, can’t you see what this tot is doing? This little thing who’s not half as tall as you are? What are you waiting for, a sign from the heavens? You wear jammies for two-year-olds! Act like one!”
For example, I saw a friend’s 11-month-old girl drinking through a straw and I decided C could do it too. Also, just think of how much less hassle for me more independence for him it would mean! Yesterday we sat down with a straw and some water, and C was drinking water using a straw in a matter of seconds. Take that, older baby!
But that was not enough, of course. Today I decided to take it further and give him a juicebox: 100% pure apple juice (no added sugar or flavourings!) in a cute little box with a cute little straw. In my mind I could see us sauntering through the mall, my ice-cold Coke Zero in my oft-misused Graco cup holder, while C sipped coolly out of his juicebox and everyone around us fell to their knees bleating “we’re not worthy!” in response to my boy’s beauty and poise.
But he’s 9 months old.
So instead I found myself in total control of the situation sitting on the floor choking with laughter, while my 9-month-old baby squeezed all the juice out of the box to make it squirt over himself.
At least the Coke lived up to my dream – it would have taken 3 times as long to change all of his clothes without the caffeine. (And no, this is not an ad. YET. Make me an offer I can’t refuse, Coke people!)
Maybe it is too soon for a juicebox. Maybe I should try to be more patient and let C grow at his own pace.
What do you mean, the driving lessons will have to wait?
That is what I'm banking on: if I can still laugh about it, it is not so bad ;) Even better if others laugh along!
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Very cute post! Your sense of humor will get you through ALL of it!
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Great post. I can so relate though. My kids were always bigger as babies too. Stopping by from 31DBBB challenge discussion in SITS blog frog. I love your writing style. I am hoping that I can start writing things that will for discussions on my blog.
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Maria, I love this post! When I read your Blog Frog comment for Day 1 I was intrigued. I love your self-deprecating writing style. I think you & I would hit it off! Good luck on the challenge! I am one of your newest followers!!
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Jumping over from SITS. Love this post, it has me giggling. Love your Elevator Pitch too, by the way.
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Just over from SITS today.
Thank you for the laugh this morning! I recognized myself in the title — I've got four kids and I always look like an idiot when someone asks me how old they are. (Sometimes when I know I'm meeting new people I practice saying their ages {the kids, not the new people — that would be rude} so I don't look completely gobsmacked when the question comes up.) Wait 'til C can talk — and then be outraged when you stumble over his age. Nothing better than a 10 year old being horrified because you told someone he was 9….
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My mom is 5'2″ and my dad is 6'6″ so when my brother was born, he took after my dad. My poor mom was carrying around this 6 month old that could barely sit up but was, like yours, wearing size 2 clothing. Everyone expressed concern for him and if he was developing okay. But, his age eventually caught up to him and he's a normal 6'2″ man. :)
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You're hilarious. I love your stories, and I think your tagline is perfect.
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Oh Maria, I have just had the best giggle ever. I absolutely adore your elevator pitch. It is perfect for this blog and you are a really funny writer. Great post.
Love Di (from SITS #31DBBB)
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That's a BIG BOY you have there, sister! My kid's 16 months and his 18-24 months shorts are pretty baggy on him. Then again, he can walk (since just before 10 months, not that I'M bragging. HA!), talk (kinda) but I'm not foolish enough to give him a squeeze, er, I mean, juice box! Mostly b/c I'm too lazy to have to change his clothes.
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ofthesea Reply:
July 18th, 2010 at 10:45 pm
You just upped the ante, woman! My boy’s gonna be in serious BOOT CAMP till he gets some steps going!
I don’t even know why I’m proud of his height.. it’s not like he gets it from ME. I’m 5-foot-nothing. XD
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