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- The Top 5 Reasons Why I'm a Crap Mom | thatgirlisfunny.com - [...] readers’ favourite was entirely unexpected. I didn’t think that Reason #43 – My baby gets bottles of cold, old formula was ...
Reason #43 – My baby gets bottles of cold, old formula.
Reason #43 – My baby gets bottles of cold, old formula.
Jul 19Breastfeeding nazis, this one’s for you.
I have been a bad mom from the very start: I was never able to produce enough milk to sate my ravenous baby. How selfish of me. So I followed the vet pediatrician’s instructions and supplemented my meager output with formula, and there was much rejoicing.
At first I’d warm the formula to body temperature to try to kid C into thinking it was the real deal. But after a couple of nights, standing in front of the microwave for 15 seconds (“Oh NOES! the microwave! VERBOTEN!”) was more than I could handle, so I just let him have it at room temperature. He didn’t bat an eyelid.
Then we had to change from ordinary, garden-variety formula to the 1787 Chateau Lafite of baby formulas. This meant I was not going to waste a single drop of the precious elixir, so whatever C didn’t drink went to the fridge. And when he was ready to drink more, it came back out, never mind if the experts say that baby formula expires in minutes.
Again, at first I’d warm it to at least room temperature (See how the standards are dropping already?) But soon, 10 seconds in front of the microwave were way beyond my capacity, and C starting getting his bottles straight from the fridge.
Oh yes, I am that evil lazy practical.
It has now come to the point that C actually rejects warm formula, on the rare occasion when a “kind soul” feels like cracking up a bain marie and heating a bottle for him. Take that, Mother! I win!
Expectation management. I just taught my son one of life’s more important lessons.
And it didn’t take me a second in front of the microwave.
I did the same EXACT thing with my daughter and had THE SAME results… so maybe we’re not so bad after all. Or not. My mother just made a point of telling me it’s a good thing she’s at an age that she wont remember by the time she gets old enough to talk.
What the hell is that supposed to mean?
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ofthesea Reply:
February 24th, 2011 at 12:51 pm
Moms. Thank goodness there is only one.
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tanya Reply:
March 1st, 2011 at 5:53 pm
word. ;)
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ofthesea Reply:
March 1st, 2011 at 11:59 pm
Woop woop!
Finally someone who isn’t afraid to tell it like it is. I also had issues with low milk supply, infection, etc. I finally felt confirmed when one lactation consultant said she couldn’t believe I stuck it out as long as I did and would have quit if she was in m shoes. I too gave my son cold breastmilk and formula. I’m an infant teacher and over the years I learned the ones who take it cold come out on top in the classroom. No waiting! My son took his milk warm, cold, room temperature and somehow turned out just fine.
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ofthesea Reply:
December 16th, 2010 at 8:58 pm
Yay! A kindred soul! We all do the best we can – some of my friends were so good at milk-making they actually pumped and donated for the hospital, and that is amazing. Me? Not so lucky.
And low expectations is the key to happiness in life. The sooner they learn that, the better! ;)
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This is a joke right?? Some of these comments are awful. You forget to bring food for your child?? wow thats nice. And how is formula so portable? My breasts are way my portable. Im not a breast feeding nazi, but i will give my child the milk they were intended to have. Some of these comments make me think there needs to be a IQ test in order to have children. Sad.
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ofthesea Reply:
December 9th, 2010 at 1:47 pm
I am glad you were/are able to breastfeed. Some of us don’t have it so easy.
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Trish N Reply:
December 9th, 2010 at 4:05 pm
WHOA there Ostrich Lady…. Get a sense of humor before you go trashing this wonderful lady!!
Second off, even with help of the LLL, the lactation specialist at my OB’s office AND the pediatrician, I still could not breat feed.Microwaving the formula dissolved into hot tap water which then dissolved into hell with this, we drink cold milk, so can you Princess!! And Her Highness is a revoltingly healthy 7 yro today!!
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ofthesea Reply:
December 9th, 2010 at 7:23 pm
“Revoltingly healthy”! Love it!
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sarah Reply:
December 9th, 2010 at 8:55 pm
Along with the impressive IQ score, Maria brings an even more impressive humor score to parenting. I have two very happy healthy children. I was only able to nurse my first for about 4 months when my milk dried up. Yes, it can do that. It’s my body, but I can not always control it. My son was born with a shortened lingual frenulum making it almost impossible for my milk to come down. For two weeks I had to rig a syringe with a small tube up over my shoulder and tape it to my nipple so that my son could get nourishment (by way of good old formula) while at the same time learning who to adequately suck to get my own milk to come out. I went on to successfully nurse him for 13 months. I was broken hearted when they both stopped nursing. I noticed you didn’t bother to ask Maria how she really felt. And if you had much of an IQ yourself you would know the meaning of this word:
*SARCASM*
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Hey there! Hilarious blog. Just wanted to say hi and assure you that all lactivists aren’t like that. =)
I’m glad that you found a way of feeding your little one that works for you guys. Mama’s milk is awesome, but if you can’t, you can’t! No judgment for that.
April recently posted Truth Box
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ofthesea Reply:
December 9th, 2010 at 1:36 pm
Hi April! I know, I actually spoke to a LLL Advisor at some point and she was absolutely lovely and supporting and full of good advice.
It’s sad that the loudest ones aren’t necessarily the kindest/cleverest ones, though.
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I used the microwave to warm baby formula. It got to the point where my youngest knew when the microwave beeped … it was time for her bottle.
Martina recently posted Secret Places
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ofthesea Reply:
October 6th, 2010 at 9:21 am
Hee hee, Pavlov was SPOT ON, wasn’t he?
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I am also a crap mom, especially if you ask my horror of a mother in law. My own mom is horrified that both of my kids (8 years and almost 9 months) took their breastmilk/formula straight out of the fridge. I think other mom’s are just jealous that we are not standing in the kitchen at 3am heating up a bottle! You’ve inspired me to try lactose free milk, formula is expensive ( that money can go to my happy hour fund!)
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ofthesea Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 8:14 pm
I hope your kid likes lactose-free milk as much as mine. He chugs down liters, is healthy as an ox, and I’m spending like 25% of what I spent in formula!
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I supplemented with formula via an SNS and when he was done, I’d put the container with the formula back in the fridge. I did this the entire time I supplemented, even if it went back into the fridge 2 or 3 times. I didn’t try to overflow the container or anything, he just didn’t always need all of it. My IBCLC said that was fine.
I’m pretty sure the formula companies don’t want you putting leftovers in the fridge and tell you it expires in an hour just to get you to buy more formula.
My first didn’t care about cold formula, but my 2nd would NOT drink cold milk (switched him to whole milk at 10 months because I hate formula companies and have chronic low supply) until he was about a year old and I absolutely refused to warm it up anymore.
Lynda recently posted Friday Finds- Purple
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ofthesea Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 3:30 pm
I just switched C to (fridge-cold) lactose-free milk because it’s time, dammit. He’s so unfussy, it’s like he’s *motivating* me to be a lazy mom!
And yeah, those formula companies are another bunch of ostriches. “Discard after an hour”? Puh-lease.
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Like others I also found your blog through the Pro Blogger Challenge. So happy I did! HILARIOUS!
Carrie recently posted Do Not Adjust Your Screens
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ofthesea Reply:
August 5th, 2010 at 7:57 pm
Welcome! Glad to see you landed in one of the most popular reasons so far, hope to see you again soon! :)
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Love it! Just the other day I was at sister-in-law’s house and got the evil eye from a room full of moms when I actually told my sister-in-law (who was lending me formula since I forgot it) “Don’t bother warming it. She drinks it cold all the time. Our faucet takes forever to warm up” I don’t bother with the microwave either (which is in arm’s reach of the faucet!) and I forget to even bring food for my baby when we go out in public! I have a three year old too. When ever we go out to eat – and this happens everytime I swear- the waiter/waitress takes the drink order and I forget to order something for my kid. The waiter/waitress is always the one to remind me that there is someone else at the table who might be thirsty!
Just found your blog and am now addicted! Love the about you part. I spent most of my 20′s living in Asia, Europe, and Australia, came home for a brief stint to go to grad school with the intention of immedialty going back overseas when I finished, but instead got knocked up (boyfriend of three months – whoops!) and have been stuck in the US since.
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ofthesea Reply:
July 30th, 2010 at 12:29 pm
You forget the formula??
Awesome. Please be my BFF!
I keep my hopes of migrating someday. Maybe next year. Cheer for me, will you?
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I love that he actually finds warm milk disgusting. Me: 1. Childrearing Manuals: 0
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Eh, we drink our milk cold, why shouldn't he?
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As long as he isn't starving, it doesn't matter if you feed him breast or bottle, warm or cold. Found you through the SITS #31dbbb. I'm just starting out in the blogosphere. Love your blog. Very funny.
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Thank you! Hope to see you around these parts again soon!
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Two words: Hi larious! I'm popping in to say hello from the SITS #31dbbb. Your writing style is very engaging and you remind me of just how happy I am that my youngest is now seven years old. ;-)
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I have carried him all the way to Europe TWICE on cold bottles. Talk about portable! :)
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Hey, there! Stopping in from Blog Frog/SITS #31dbbb.
Your blog is so funny, and I enjoy your writing style. I love that you're “keeping it real.” I remember the days of the undrunk formula going back in the fridge AND the microwave, too!
Looking forward to reading more. ;)
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Hi! I only have one SO FAR, but I am hell bent on having more, to my mom's exasperation: “if you cannot handle even one, why oh why do you want with 2!?” She doesn't get it.
That question is coming up a lot! I'll add an answer to the “Why” page. A: I will probably book http://www.thenext1000reasonsimabadmom.com ;)
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I did that! I think it is a GOOD thing because the kids are WAY more portable when you don't have to have a way to heat a bottle.
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I'm heading over to follow you from 31 BBB Blog Frog Community. I AM JUST PUMPED to come across you! Genius site. May I ask… so, do you have 1 little one or more?
Regardless, just love your Top 1000. What will you do when you get to 1000? I'll definitely continue to follow you.
On another note, TOTALLY jealous that your baby took the bottle at room temperature. I tried that with all FOUR of mine. FAIL!
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It is an extreme sport indeed.
How's the challenge treating you? I feel i'm underperforming already and we're only on Day 1!
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Formula on the rocks! Love it! Soon they will be asking you for some olives or a lime twist, mark my words ;)
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Oh his stool is fantastic (as documented in reason#39, heh heh)
Glad you stopped by! Don't be a stranger! :)
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I think you're good unless his stool is green or he gets gassy/reflux. Lucky mom!
Stopping by from SITS #31dbbb – love your pitch and it's placement on your blog :)
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Coming to you from the 31DBB! I breastfeed my baby (now 12 months) and nursed my older child till he was two and a half. But I still supplemented with formula. And you know what, I think it's probably better cold, especially on hot days like we've been having! In fact, my baby prefers his formula cold so I even put a couple ice cubes in it!
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ofthesea Reply:
July 19th, 2010 at 3:44 pm
Formula on the rocks! Next thing you know they’ll be demanding olives and a twist of lime! :D
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That is so funny! Motherhood is about survival and figuring how to make it happen for you and your situation. You go for making it happen! Lucky to have you above me on the Sits girl list.
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ofthesea Reply:
July 19th, 2010 at 3:44 pm
Oh, it happens all right! XD
Thanks for stopping by! How’s the challenge treating you?
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I've been thinking about that… I'll probably hit 1000 by the time C is about 3, and then he'll be totally able to talk and tell me exactly why I'm a crap mom. Maybe I should start blocking http://www.thenext1000reasonsimabadmom.com ?
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Glad I never had any expressed milk to worry about. I would have prolly done it all wrong anyway!
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I enjoyed reading the few posts I had time to read, and I must say you are entertaining. My boys are 20 & 23, but I definitely remember the days you are going through now. With son #1 it was do everything right the first few months, then I became a slacker. With son #2, I was a CRAP mother from the beginning. Don't worry about it. Just do the best you can and he'll be fine.
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ofthesea Reply:
July 19th, 2010 at 1:53 pm
Yeah, the “new mom syndrome” lasted only a few weeks with me, now I’m as blase as a mom of 6. Great to hear they make it all right in spite of us! ;)
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I have to say, I'm lucky that my boy lets me get away with so much crap parenting! ;)
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Jackie Reply:
December 9th, 2010 at 1:25 pm
Are you bragging that your a crap parent??
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ofthesea Reply:
December 9th, 2010 at 1:48 pm
Did you see the name of my blog? These are the reasons why I write, please take a look: http://1000reasonsimabadmom.com/about-2/
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Don't let the breastfeeding nazis give you a hard time, they play on vunerability and wild female hormones you never knew you had. Evil nasty women. Do what you can and love it to bits. Who cares about the rest.
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OMG, having flashbacks, sore boobs, short cuts, couldn't resort to cold milk, my fussypants munchkin still prefers it warm and he is 19 months
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Cute idea. Are you going to stop at a 1000?
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Oh man, 45 minutes. I would have given up too. So not worth the time.
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ofthesea Reply:
July 19th, 2010 at 1:56 pm
Life is too short.
That’s my go-to excuse for pretty much anything, but in this case it did apply!
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You bet!
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I admire and envy you. My best pumping session saw me produce half an ounce of milk after 45 minutes of misery. I am the laughingstock of the Borden Cow.
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feels good to come clean about our shortcomings, doesn't it?
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ofthesea Reply:
July 19th, 2010 at 1:36 pm
Tell me about it! I think I need a new tagline for my blog: “I do my best.. and blog about the rest!”
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Don't fear breastfeeding, it's amazing! I loved it, and FWIW I regret not being able to do it better.
I'm not in the US… but I like the idea of saying I'm bringing my boy up Euro-style. it would totally tie in with the infrequent baths. And hey, he was made in Berlin after all! ;)
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Re: Amy's post: Microwaving formula is very different than microwaving breast milk. Doing so to breast milk kills much of what's so vitally good about it. As for warm vs cold,there were studies done years ago that suggested it was more difficult for some babies to digest cold milk or formula and that it actually caused digestive problems in some babies. The jury's out on that one and it certainly differs from one baby to the next, but don't assume that what we do as adults is fine for newborns. They're sensitive little munchkins :)
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Love this post! I'm pregnant for the first time and truly terrified of breast feeding. Who cares if you put in the microwave! I figure the cell phone waves have to be just as bad. Plus, cold drinks, this is the United States of America! We have just as much ice as soda in our fountain drinks, and we drink our beer cold. I nearly puked in Europe with their warm soda and room temperature beer. I'm like your son, straight from the fridge baby!
I found you on the SITS Pro Blogger challenge. Good luck for the next 30 days!
Amy
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ofthesea Reply:
July 19th, 2010 at 12:48 pm
Don’t fear breastfeeding, it’s awesome! I loved it, and FWIW I regret I wasn’t better at it.
The thing is, I’m not in the US… maybe I should just say I’m bringing my boy up the European way? it would tie in well with the infrequent bathing, heh. And he WAS made in Berlin, after all!
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If it makes you feel any better, I feed my son cold breast milk that I pumped because I was too lazy to warm it up. Whatever works, right?
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ofthesea Reply:
July 19th, 2010 at 12:43 pm
That’s not bad! I could never pump more than half an ounce. And it took me 45 minutes. I’m the laughing stick of the Borden Cow.
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