Reason #51 – To wipe or not to wipe?
Reason #51 – To wipe or not to wipe?
Jul 26I don’t care a whit if I see my baby chewing the doormat, and in fact I often encourage him – it builds his defenses and soothes his teething itch – but even a self-professed bad mom like me doesn’t want people to think I am that careless.
The trick is to seem a good decent mom with the minimum of effort.
Cleanliness may be next to godliness, but godliness has never been a big deal for me. Which is why bathing my baby doesn’t happen nearly as often as some would like, and why my disinfection practices have a lot to do with who is watching.
So if I take C to the supermarket with someone else (say the girls, or a fellow mom) I will ask them to hold C for me while I fetch some Clorox wipes from my handbag and give the trolley a good wipe, because “These things are jam-packed with germs. Goodness knows whose hands have been on this! C puts everything into his mouth, so I always carry these *showing wipes with a toothpaste ad smile* to make sure his environment is clean.”
Then I gently slide C into the childseat, toss my hair, and breeze into the store, where I will probably buy locally grown fruit, dark leafy vegetables and some of the mega-expensive 100% pure freshly-squeezed orange juice because “I just can’t live without it!”
But if the trip to the supermarket involves just the two of us, I’ll probably lug C headfirst into the childseat, get me a cold Coke Zero to sip while shopping (What do you mean I’m not allowed to drink it while shopping? I do it all the time and no one has ever stopped me before!) and buy TP, dark chocolate, and a bottle of red.
Clorox wipes? Which Clorox wipes?
C will build fantastic defenses, and the trolley handle will be thoroughly sanitised anyway… AFTER he’s done with it.
Dear Next-Irresponsible-Mom-Who-Uses-That-Trolley: you’re welcome.
“The trick is to seem a good decent mom with the minimum of effort.”
I swear to God, this could be my catchphrase! Said it once, I'll say it again, you have an awesome blog going! :)
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ofthesea Reply:
July 28th, 2010 at 11:10 pm
Heh, should I go for branded merch soon? T-shirts, aprons, muzzles for babies… ;)
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I totally snorted reading this post! Love it! You definitely have a new follower with a mile long list of confessions :)
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ofthesea Reply:
July 28th, 2010 at 11:10 pm
Snorts are also among the best compliments! I’m flattered!
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bahaha awesome post. his immune system thanks you
here from blogfrog and #31dbbb – youre doing great!
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ofthesea Reply:
July 28th, 2010 at 11:09 pm
“bahaha” is pretty much the best compliment ever! TY!
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I think I might love you…I don't feel so bad that my son splashes in the dog's water bowl then sticks his hands in his mouth.
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ofthesea Reply:
July 28th, 2010 at 11:13 pm
<3 back atcha. Also because that is one of my boy's favourite tricks when visiting my mom!
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I LOVE this post! Tell me he sucked on the handle all the way through the store or you will be stripped of your “Crap Mom” status. Work hard to keep up the title girlfriend!
I stopped by McDonalds for a Diet Coke fix a few days ago and headed to Whole Foods. I thought to myself, “Can I actually walk into Whole Foods with this McDonalds cup?” I think you just sparked a blog post for me. Will reference back to you, of course!!
You are my muse today.
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ofthesea Reply:
July 28th, 2010 at 11:13 pm
“All the way through the store”? I had to pry him away from it, he wanted to chew it all the way HOME!
Love being a muse! Can’t wait to see what I inspired!
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Oh, girl, I am SO with you on this. I never carried Clorox wipes (never carried Kleenex, for that matter). Once, when my son was 2, we were in a restaurant, and I caught him chewing a piece of gum. When I asked where he'd gotten it, he pointed to the underside of the table.
My point? My kids are almost grown, and they were hardly ever sick. They have the immune systems of crocodiles. I laugh at people who carry those things for their kids to sit on in restaurant high chairs and grocery store strollers. And those plastic place mats for restaurant tables? Waste of money.
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ofthesea Reply:
July 28th, 2010 at 11:14 pm
You know what would easily replace the wipes, covers, mats et al? A muzzle.
Now all I need is a way to market that and become filthy rich.
You heard it here first.
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How sweet! I left a comment spilling all my secrets. You will HATE me after you read it :(
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Beats me! Some Canadian friends said it's all the rage now… guess it will join gladiator sandals and skinny jeans as “trends i'll never follow”!
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Is steaming the floor a hygiene thing? I just got an email from my mom up in the States yesterday. They were getting ready to go to Hawaii and my dad was STEAMING the floors before they left. What is that? I had never heard of steaming floors before yesterday and now I read this.
:-/
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LOL! While I am completely and totally OCD about letting my little ones touch a cart or God-forbid the toilet in a public place, I wish I could. I wish i had it in me to just fly by the seat of my pants. It must make life so much simpler.
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ofthesea Reply:
July 28th, 2010 at 11:15 pm
Things are definitely easier until the guilt kicks in – then maybe not so much ;)
Well done for wiping… and you may want to avert your eyes when I write my “public loo” post, which is coming up soon! ;)
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it'll build up his immune system. my kid never gets sick because of stories like this :-)
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ofthesea Reply:
July 28th, 2010 at 11:16 pm
Strength in numbers! ;)
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He would so fit in over here (altho I do wipe those carts, even with my THIRD). Our rule with him is, if it falls on the floor and the dogs don't get it first, it's all his!
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ofthesea Reply:
July 28th, 2010 at 11:18 pm
Let’s make a plan. C will *totally* enjoy visiting at yours!
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So I guess you won't be steaming the floor clean for C anytime soon? ;)
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ofthesea Reply:
July 28th, 2010 at 11:16 pm
The only thing I steam are Sweet Pork Dumplings. And occasionally envelopes.
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Awww, I long for the days of carrying mine around in a basket! Or whatever those car-seats-with-a-handle are called. You'll be using that cover soon enough! :)
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Okay THAT made me laugh! :)
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thanks! I will now go to time-out and think about it! :)
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Mine isn't old enough to sit in the cart, but I have a hand me down cart seat cover. I figure that's the best I can do. Loving your posts! Reassures me I am a good mom, just like you! Our babies are happy, healthy and loved. That's the definition of good mom!
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LOL! Okay … I will admit to being a bit turned off by your definition of yourself as a crap parent so on my first venture through … I didn't really stop to look around and see what you meant by it. Then I saw some wonderful comments you had made to others and I was intrigued enough to come back. I don't know that your title would be off-putting to many though. I tend to be a bit conservative. How's that?
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Thank you Beth! Now let me have the criticism. I'll take it like a big girl!
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Hey Maria!
Ventured here to check out your blog via the invitation to critique on BlogFrog. I love the look of your blog. Very clean and bright. Easy to read. And I bet you have a wide appeal with young parents all of whom are confronted daily with their imperfections! Very well done!
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Who, me? Wot? NEVER! *trying to hide Coke Zero, failing*
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I never wipe down those carts. I figure he picks up germ everywhere, wiping the cart won't make a difference.
And was that MY Coke Zero you were drinking? ;-)
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ofthesea Reply:
July 27th, 2010 at 12:22 pm
Who, me? Wot? NEVER! *trying to hide Coke Zero, failing*
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I've only wiped down a cart handle once, and that was when a kindly older lady at the store handed me a wipe, saying “you don't know what's on these things”. I honestly never even thought about it before. And I haven't thought about it since.
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You're a better woman than me. I care too much about public opinion (yet not enough about what my son puts in his mouth.)
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Look forward to it! Make sure you smile and toss your hair while confessing!
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I also found you through the SITS site. I LOVE this. Especially the 'toothpaste ad smile' and the 'toss my hair' I could just see the picture you were painting. I am also a crap mom. So confession, mine, will surely follow.
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I look forward to your confessions! Now if you excuse me, there are some roses I need to tend to ;)
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Just found your blog through the #31 DBBB forum and I LOVE IT. It's so nice to find a mom who blogs about how she poops roses. You have a new follower…and a new person to submit confessions.
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