Reason #57 – I don’t love my baby before 7 a.m.
Reason #57 – I don’t love my baby before 7 a.m.
Aug 03Nobody in their right mind would think of coming between a lioness and the bloody impala carcass she’s eating. The consequences would be swift and deadly. I wish somebody would explain this to my son when he tries to come between me and my sleep time, because sometimes it’s almost impossible to keep my feline wrath from smiting his little ass.
C is the best and bravest baby who ever was, and he has always been an excellent sleeper. But sometimes life throws spitballs at us, and C has teething pains. Or wet pajamas. Or jetlag. And then he wakes up in the middle of the night and expects things to get fixed to his liking before he can sleep (and let me sleep) again.
This can get ugly pretty quickly.
I went to a Catholic school and still remember a lot of stuff they’d probably rather I didn’t, so upon hearing the first cries, whimpers or da-da-das I launch into a half-asleep collection of rather educated curses: “In the name of Beelzebub, Prince of Demons, what the HELL is going on?” I get up, still not fully awake, and survey the situation.
There is no blood and no fire, so what on Earth am I awake for? And where is my impala carcass?
If the basic soothing maneuvers don’t work – and in C’s defense I must say they do work about 30% of the time – then the situation escalates swiftly: I have to fix him a bottle, he hollers when I try to leave his room, I get really angry, he hollers more, I dash to the kitchen and slap a bottle together, cursing like a sailor while I hear him getting louder and more frantic (We go through this often enough, he should know by now that I’m just going to get his bottle, not to jump on a plane to London.) I race back to the room with the formula and find an infant in near hysterics.
Sometimes the sight of his big, anxious blue eyes, eyelashes dotted with tears, looking beseechingly at me, is enough to remind me that this is my son, my brave and beautiful baby, who is entitled by Law and Nature to my love and care and every last drop of my blood. Sometimes not even that is enough to cool my anger and violent outrage at being woken.
Either way, I do what I have to do, be it diaper, medicine, bottle or an entire change of clothes and bedding.
Either way, C eventually relaxes and curls up and falls asleep like the angel he is.
Either way, I end up carrying him in my arms, marvelling at his perfect beauty, kissing his brow and the corner of his lips, and putting him back in his crib among a burst of love and blessings and wishes for his eternal health and happiness.
More often than not I end up feeling like a crap mom for having been angry in the first place.
And then I write.
LOL! I am going to take a pic when I wake up and post it on my blog just to prove that I DO look like a ZOMBIE!!! :)
How Does She Do It Mom recently posted What Can You Do With Your Life…
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Oh, thank you. I so needed to read this. I was up 11 times last night.
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ofthesea Reply:
August 4th, 2010 at 10:22 am
11? And I bitch about 2! WOW I feel like an even crappier mom.
Off to the confession booth with me!
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I sent you an award!
See it here:
http://thepunkrockmom.blogspot.com/2010/08/i-have-been-bestowed-great-honor.html
You deserve it! Now it’s your turn to give it to some awesome bloggers you love!
<3MaryAnne aka thepunkrockmom
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ofthesea Reply:
August 4th, 2010 at 10:21 am
What an honour! TYSVM! *bow*
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OMG I have so been there and done that!! I remember those moments so well. I am still a zombie when I first wake up and people know not to talk to me!! lol
How Does She Do It Mom recently posted What Can You Do With Your Life…
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ofthesea Reply:
August 4th, 2010 at 10:21 am
But I bet you make a stunning zombie! *envy*
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One particularly bad night, after the third time my little man awoke for no particular reason I turned to my husband and said “We should have just got another f-ing cat”. I did feel bad about it the next morning when Little Man was cute and smiley again.
Laura @ The Things I Said I’d Never Do recently posted Housekeeping
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ofthesea Reply:
August 4th, 2010 at 9:48 am
“Another cat”? LOL. You already have a knack for looking after living creatures! I’m not even a pet person!
If a pet woke me in the night… let’s just say I’d be sporting fur soon after.
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(Just so you know, this is down here because (a) I’m getting an error when I try to reply to you up there; and (b) the link I got in my email* is broken.)
Oh, definitely! Mostly, what I do with pre-verbal kids is just cuss them out in sweet baby-talk tones. With these two, though, I don’t want them going up to their parents and saying “Mutherfukker!” or something, so I was thinking maybe something their progressive parents (all three of them) might like. Like maybe, oh, I don’t know, “Oh, FEMINISM!!!” “Why the GREEN ECONOMY did you go and do that??” “Do you know how much I paid for that OBAMA-ing handbag??”
You know; like that.
Serene recently posted Summer Tomatoes
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ofthesea Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 11:55 am
Oh you’re good. GOOD.
By “up there” you mean on the email? Hmmm. Catch me anytime as ofthesea@1000reasonsimabadmom.com
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I just came across this blog today from The Paper Mama and I HAD to comment on this post. I was so happy to read that I’m not the only mom who does “in the middle of the night bottle feeding cursing like a sailor routine”! :) And yes, the second she sees me leave the room she cries even harder…does she not remember last night, and the night before and the night before that…I COME BACK WITH A BOTTLE! :) And every morning, after one of “these nights” I say to myself, “My gosh, you are a horrible mother!” Hopefully next time, I’ll remember I’m not the only one! :) Thank you!
Christina recently posted Adorable Giveway
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ofthesea Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 11:51 am
Please take a look at Kelsey’s comment on this: the woman is a GENIUS. Whod’a thunk of making the bottle BEFORE starting to soothe the baby?
Not me fo sho.
Also – <3<3<3 PaperMama! I am SO ordering one of her tattooed photos!
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I have learned to get the bottle first, over many nights of hysterical babies not understanding why I come to the rescue and promptly leave. And, yes, my son is 19 months old. And, yes, he still needs a bottle everytime he wakes. Does that make me an even crappier mom? Yes. But I’m not doing a damn thing about it until my husband returns and can help me out!
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ofthesea Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 11:04 am
You are SO CLEVER. I would have never thought of doing it in that order!
You know: pants first, shoes second. No wonder it’s so hard to get dressed in the morning!
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I don’t have children yet and I think this might be a reason I wouldn’t want them. My husband and I do not function well without a proper amount of sleep. We hate each other when one has to get up earlier than the other. I remember when our puppy was a baby his waking us up had us grumbling and miserable, no matter how cute he was.
Someday soon he wont wake you up. And you’ll laugh at how upset you felt.
Miriam recently posted Comments overheard while hiking Mount Washington
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ofthesea Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 10:36 am
I know! In a few years I’ll have to drag him kicking and screaming out of bed to send him to school. Yet somehow I don’t think that will be a sweet revenge. *pondering homeschooling*
Hey, if you can keep a puppy you’re 80% there! I mean, in case you ever decide to go for a kid… ;)
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What a fun blog! I wish I could look at my own misgivings as a single parent with such honesty and compassion. Instead, I get better and better at kicking my own ass. Maybe one day I’ll actually remember to laugh at myself.
Thanks for the reminder that I’m not damaging my children anymore than the next person is damaging their children. I’m apparently in great company! ;)
T recently posted Feeling the love
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ofthesea Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 10:02 am
Just took a peep at your blog, and here is what we will do: after you finish letting steam off at yours, pour yourself a mug of vodka tonic (unless you have a pint glass, in which case go for it) and then come over here to vent at the Bad Mom Confession booth and feel better about yourself.
And remember: kicking one’s ass is verboten over here!
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I hate mornings. Great post! I nominated you for a blog award. I’m not sure if it’s an award as much as a chain letter but I love flattery and totally ate it up. Here you go….
Amy recently posted What I burnt on my summer vacation- August 2- 2010
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ofthesea Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 9:50 am
I’m honoured! Now stop bloggering and go have lots of birthday fun!! <:o)
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I swear, I wish you’d been around when my two were little!
(I’m going to be watching my frieds’ twin toddlers next week; I may be invoking beelzebub a few times myself.)
Serene recently posted Summer Tomatoes
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ofthesea Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 9:14 am
Hey, get back in touch before your sitting stint so we can swap curses!
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I can remember huffy and dragging my body toward the screams also. My parents used to say, “We liked to wake you up around midnight just before we went to bed because you were so cute and fun to play with.” WTF?? I NEVER woke my slepping child.
Love your site and layout!
I shall follow you now! :)
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ofthesea Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 9:13 am
If you’re anywhere near my age, your parents were probably stoned at the time. Oh the 70s.
Noughties moms are gonna be using Adderall before you know it, mark my words!
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Pure blog perfection Best post yet! I can’t imagine one mother on the planet not being able to completely relate to this (anyone who doesn’t is simply a big fat liar. No question.).
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ofthesea Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 9:12 am
Thanks for that! You’ve made a grumpy, sleepy, bitchy mama feel a lot better!
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I don’t love ANYONE before 7am. My poor children are going to be traumatized from the wrath that springs from my very being when I’m woken up.
SuzRocks recently posted Why I wish to be a dog in my next life
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ofthesea Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 9:11 am
Just think: in a few years I’ll be having a hard time getting them up for school! I don’t look forward to it – I was a world-class sleepyhead.
Still am, come to think of it.
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