Reason #64 – I make up stories about my son’s “real” parents
Reason #64 – I make up stories about my son’s “real” parents
Aug 11My boy C is a complete show-stealer. His dishwater blond hair and blue eyes are quite unusual around these parts, so whenever we’re out and about people stop on their tracks to gape: “So gorgeous!” “So cute!” It doesn’t hurt that he’s always waving, smiling and making eyes at any and all unsuspecting passers-by. An attention-seeker just like his mama.
So people cannot help but look at C, and once they see him they cannot help swooning. Then they look at me, wrinkle their noses, and ask incredulously “Is he yours?”
My answers vary, and they get increasingly creative as the day goes on:
- Hell yes, I pushed all 4.5 kilos of him out with no anesthesia. I. Have. Witnesses.
- I was a surrogate for a clonation experiment. He’s an identical copy of the donor.
- The angel never told me the Holy Ghost had blue eyes!
And then the fun stuff begins:
- Oh no, I’m just the Latino nanny. His parents are the blond couple over there.
- I adopted him after that horrible flood in Stockholm left thousands of orphans.
- Mine? Why do you… OHMYGOD! WHO IS THIS AND WHERE IS MY CHILD!!!
Someday, C will understand one of these cracks, and he will quietly commit it to memory like children like to do with incriminating stuff.
Many years later, when he’s a teenager, he will try to play the “you’re not my real mother” card and demand a DNA test so he can be free to look for his real parents, the ones who will love him, understand him, and let him have pizza for breakfast and come home after 10pm on school nights. That fateful DNA test will show he’s not bound in any way to me, the horrible woman who forces him to study/shower/tidy his room! Freedom will be his!
My, my, he will be a disappointed kid all right.
Many thanks to C at Kidthings.net for bringing up this idea!
Heh. Asian genes are dominant so naturally no one notices family resemblance between white me and my kids. Which means I get a lot of adopted comments. The worst, though, is constantly expecting to have the cops called on me when I have to drag one of them kicking and screaming out to the car when they are over-stimulated by shopping. Thankfully, none of them have learned the “she’s not my mom” trick… yet.
[Reply to this]
ofthesea Reply:
June 2nd, 2011 at 8:22 am
I dread that day. Because let’s not fool ourselves – it WILL come. “Madam, step back from the child. We will take over now and deliver him to his parents. Don’t make me shoot.”
[Reply to this]
Best question I get from strangers: Do they all have the same father?
I guess because I am young and [already?!] have three kids it means I must either have really poor judgement with men, I’m a Mexican, I suffered through abstinence only education, or I’m from some strict religious sect that doesn’t allow BC.
And the fact that their father (my “partner” for over 5 years now) is Mexican really has nothing to do with it. I swear. The tan skin my kids were blessed with was just a bonus.
[Reply to this]
ofthesea Reply:
August 12th, 2010 at 10:47 pm
Who DARES ask such a question?? I’d break a chair on their heads at the very least. I must commend you, Gertie, for your amazing lady-like self-control.
[Reply to this]
Funny thing about genes – you never know what you’re going to get. My sister-in-law has one kid that looks Mexican like her and one that looks white like her husband. I’m amazed at the rude questions people ask – especially when it’s none of their business to begin with. My own half Mexican/half white kids just look ambiguous so no one ever asks me where I got them. Although as a single pregnant woman, my boss didn’t ask where I got the baby, but he did ask me if I was going to keep it. Nice.
[Reply to this]
ofthesea Reply:
August 12th, 2010 at 7:43 am
My boss asked if he should congratulate me. Jerk.
[Reply to this]
Melissa Reply:
August 12th, 2010 at 7:08 pm
Wow! I thought my boss was in a league of his own, but apparently not! When my boss told me a year later that his married daughter was pregnant, I was so tempted to ask him if she was going to keep it. But I kept my mouth shut. I needed the job after all.
[Reply to this]
First he has the most beautiful blue eyes!
And second I love all those responses! I hope you really say those because they are great!
This happens to my sister often. We are mixed and she’s married to a white guy and their baby is straight Caucasian. Like no color at all. People ask if she’s the nanny all the time!
[Reply to this]
ofthesea Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 8:52 pm
It was especially fun during our recent trip to Denmark – everyone thought I was minding someone else’s baby, and they would ask whoever I was with about C’s name, age, etc.
Go mixed go!
[Reply to this]
Woooooo hooooooo!!!!
[Reply to this]
Found you through Mean Girl Garage. She’s loves you. I know I could name MANY things that made me a bad mom. But I’ll let you continue. Great blog!
Christy recently posted I Found My Prince
[Reply to this]
ofthesea Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 6:56 pm
I’m always up for new ideas! And feel free to use the confession booth if you ever feel guilty about anything – forgiveness guaranteed!
[Reply to this]
That sounds like much more fun than my boring old replicas of my husband and myself. All four of us, blond hair, blue eyes. No creativity what-so-ever.
Someone actually asked my Mom who she thought Ryker looked like, and my Mom responded that it’s hard to tell, because his parents look like brother and sister.
On a side note, we are not. Brother and sister that is.
Kelsey recently posted Welcome to Redneck Alberta
[Reply to this]
ofthesea Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 4:09 pm
I hope you are, at the VERY least, second cousins!
Should I try to get knocked up in the general Asia-Pacific area to ensure as varied a brood as possible? I actually think about these things.
[Reply to this]
Did I tell you that I have a “made up” kid??? No? Hmmm. I do.
[Reply to this]
ofthesea Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 3:47 pm
This sounds intriguing! I must know more!!!!
[Reply to this]
jules Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 4:36 pm
I will definitely write about it one day…. Right now I’m writing a post about being a bad teacher……
jules recently posted Fox News is Giving Me the Migraines…
[Reply to this]
There’s an article on Motherlode today on a similar theme… our youngest (who is now blond) was born with jet black hair, and strangers kept asking where I adopted from… :)
Unplanned Cooking recently posted What can you do with all that zucchini
[Reply to this]
ofthesea Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 1:32 pm
Wanna swap kids? ;)
[Reply to this]
OK, have you actually said that last one? And if so, what was the reaction?
Allison @ Alli ‘n Son recently posted Learn- Move and Shake
[Reply to this]
ofthesea Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 1:26 pm
Caught! Nah, I only thought of it last night.
But I WILL use it this weekend and report back, dammit!
[Reply to this]
Stephanie Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 7:37 pm
I will sooooo be looking forward to that! This makes me wish my daughter didnt look like me just so I can try it! Make sure you have your camera to get a picture of the persons face when you do it!! :-)
[Reply to this]
ofthesea Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 7:54 pm
OK, it’s on! I’ll do it and ask Adi to try to snap a pic!
Hahaha…I know this one too! Im dark hair and eyes and my oldest is dirty blonde, hazel eyes and my youngest is strawberry blonde, not yet decided blue/brown eyes!
Hanan recently posted Almost Wordless Wednesday
[Reply to this]
ofthesea Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 11:24 am
We should start a support group for Moms with Recessive Genes!
[Reply to this]
Hanan Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 11:34 am
We totally should!
[Reply to this]
Ohmygod I spit out my coffee laughing at your last one!!!
Melanie recently posted A Dream Fulfilled- Yaquina Head
[Reply to this]
ofthesea Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 10:47 am
Oh noes! Good coffee gone to waste! Now I feel bad…
[Reply to this]