Reason #74 – My son begs strangers for food
Reason #74 – My son begs strangers for food
Aug 25Our life is the stuff of fairy tales: a poor hungry child is forced to survive on grass and paper while his evil, cruel stepmother gorges on roast chicken, wine and chocolate. Sometimes he hunts and eats bugs and spiders, and sometimes kind strangers take pity on him and spare a crust of bread or a bone, which he will scarf down before his wicked stepmother takes it away.
Yep, that is our life.
Save for the fact that I am not C’s stepmother.
Allow me to explain:
Everybody who meets my boy must think he’s on the verge of passing out from starvation, judging by the longing looks he throws at any and every morsel in sight. He does not just lust after candy and hamburgers: C will beg for liver, brown rice or even raw spinach leaves with no dressing.
It is just the way C operates. He sees food and instantly goes into his tried and tested Oliver Twist routine.
It makes no difference if he has just knocked back an adult-sized portion of shepherd’s pie, a pear, three cookies and a glass of juice. If he sees somebody else holding a piece of food, he’ll immediately get rid of whatever he’s eating (usually by stuffing it into his cheeks) and make his world-famous Starving Bambi™ eyes:
And oh my, are his Starving Bambi™ eyes effective! Strangers on the street have actually approached me to say: “Is it OK if I give your baby some of my bread/fruit/beef jerky? I cannot resist those eyes!”
Obviously they mean: “Evil woman, feed that poor child! Can’t you see he’s starving?”
I always accept graciously and let C stuff his face with their offerings, food safety be damned. C gets what he wanted, the good Samaritans feel they have saved a child’s life, and I… I don’t know what I win from this transaction.
(A blog post about baby food safety, maybe?)
So if you see my son and he gives you the big-eyed, sunken-cheeked, Starving Bambi™ performance please feel free to feed him whatever it is you’re having.
I don’t mind.
It’s not like I have a Good Mom reputation to live up to.
PS: Recently C has been testing another technique for getting rid of unwanted “own” food for the sake of procuring the much more tantalizing “someone else’s” food.
He is pretty baffled that it is not as effective as the cheeks-full Starving Bambi™ system, and I’ll keep laughing at him while he works that one out.
Because, once again, it’s not like I have a Good Mom reputation to live up to.
it’s in a child’s genetic material to ask strangers for food- it gives them a greater chance of survival. no worries!
btw, love your blog! just found it.
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ofthesea Reply:
August 28th, 2010 at 8:30 am
The Evolutionary Theory of Babies.
Love it!
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There’s a LOT of protein in bugs. He’s fine.
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ofthesea Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 11:21 am
And they’re free! Which leaves me with more money for wine and chocolate…
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At least C eats what you give him.
I will be sitting at the Splash park with Payton, holding her sandwich and grapes that she decides she doesn’t want, as she works the crowd of picnic people ASKING for what they have.
And then bringing it back to me with the pride of a little puppy dog who just scored a new bone. THE JOY she finds in food from strangers, I tell you.
Just wait until C can vocalize his requests- then you really will be viewed as a crap mommy, like me.
At least we’re in it together.
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ofthesea Reply:
August 25th, 2010 at 3:31 pm
Why is it that food looks always better on the other table/plate/mom’s bag?
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LOl Geeze wait till he’s older… who needs a gun to rob a bank.. “Ladies this is a hold up… *bats eyelashes* gimme all your money” Bahahahahahahah!!
And? you have only one set of lethal eyes to deal with… I’ve 3!!! At least they all can raid the pantry themselves!! lol
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ofthesea Reply:
August 25th, 2010 at 3:30 pm
3?! I’d be dead from a Bambi OD. Lethal indeed!
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You need to pimp that kid out to the feed the children people. He could be saving the world with those bambi eyes!
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ofthesea Reply:
August 25th, 2010 at 3:29 pm
You mean, use his powers for good instead of evil?
What a notion!
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My son won’t beg he’ll just steal it! On the bus coming home from NYC recently when the kid sitting next to us open his Burger King bag Phoenix reached over and tried to grab his french fries. I was mortified!
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ofthesea Reply:
August 25th, 2010 at 10:04 am
Oh my word! How old is yours??
So much to look forward to. …not!
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Alexandria Reply:
August 25th, 2010 at 9:17 pm
Well I thought he was 2…but lately he’s acting more like a 13 yro. So I’m trying to find his birth certificate right now. :-)
Alexandria recently posted Jermaine Dupri and The Nipples
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yeah, the first thing my kids would do when we went to someone else’s house when they were little was to start looking for things to graze on. It’s not uncommon, I know this because every kid who comes into my house immediately wants to know what we have to eat too.
My daughter’s first bite of solid food (that i know of) was a banana she yanked from my hand at age 4 months and stuck in her mouth.
We call it the canine vac.
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elizabeth Reply:
August 25th, 2010 at 9:08 am
I didn’t mean we call the child the canine vac. The dog. Just clarifying that there.
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ofthesea Reply:
August 25th, 2010 at 9:18 am
Maybe I should get a dog, if only to deal with the mess.
Or let C crawl around and finish his dinner.
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bwahahahahaha! It never fails to crack me up, the things they do to mortify us.
He really is just a gorgeous boy, Mama! Look out, world!
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ofthesea Reply:
August 25th, 2010 at 8:56 am
If C ever decides he wants me murdered, I’m sure he will persuade someone to do it in 10 minutes flat.
I fear for my life.
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LMAO My daughter is the same way. We could be eating the same thing but if mine looks bigger/better she wants it. She also throws her food on the floor but she does this knowing the pups are not far away and will clean it up for her lol. She will even just sit there hand out enticing them to come and eat her food. She really cracks me up sometimes.
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ofthesea Reply:
August 25th, 2010 at 8:33 am
I love when C offers my mom’s dog a bite, then *eats the rest* himself.
Another blog post in the making, right there!
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Stephanie Reply:
August 25th, 2010 at 8:35 am
That would be a great blog! My mother freaks whenever my daughter does that lol.
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Man this blog never fails to be hilarious. There have been times when I’m having THE WORST day … and I come here for a pick me up. Thanks for blogging.
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ofthesea Reply:
August 25th, 2010 at 8:34 am
Thanks for this! I needed a pick-me-up too. SO timely!
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OMG, those bambi eyes totally work! I think I’d cross the street to give him food ;-) Clearly, with such inventive strategies, there’s no way he could be your step son – brains run in the family!
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ofthesea Reply:
August 25th, 2010 at 8:36 am
Does that mean you will give me some of your cake? *Starving Bambi eyes*
Actually my mom says I used to do the same thing and embarrass her by *asking* strangers for food. Hello karma!
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Sandi Reply:
August 25th, 2010 at 8:42 am
You know what they say, “payback’s a bitch!”
Sandi recently posted If I Could Say Anything
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You crack me up! Good morning to you and your hungry mouth to feed :)
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ofthesea Reply:
August 25th, 2010 at 8:36 am
He’s a bottomless pit!
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