Reason #85 – I don’t take proper care of my son’s penis
Reason #85 – I don’t take proper care of my son’s penis
Sep 15It started like a normal day in which I was to take my boy for a normal check-up, and we had to register at a new practice because since we moved to Ms. Lilly’s the old one is too far away. It all was business as usual: height, weight, “oh my god he’s GORGEOUS!”, “did he get his father’s eyes?”, “is he yours??”
The nurse was super sweet, and the doctor was young, cute, and putty in C’s hands. She barely checked him because she was so busy mooning over him: “he is lovely!”, “oh so sweet!”, “really, he looks like an angel!”
“Thank you, Doctor, but does he seem OK to you health-wise?”
So she kinda checked here and there with the stethoscope and the nostrilscope and the earscope and the tonguescope, and then she asked the fateful question:
“Have you been retreating his foreskin?”
*Cue squeaky violins from a Hitchcock film soundtrack*
Erm… no. Not since that time I nearly died of fright when I thought I broke my son’s penis, and then The Internet yelled at me for tormenting poor C when everybody knows and all doctors agree that the boy’s hitchcock should just be left in peace until he turns 18.
Yet, according to the young, cute doctor, everybody knows and all doctors agree that I should in fact retreat C’s foreskin to prevent it from adhering, and my refusal to go anywhere near his dingdong again earned me some tsks and tut-tuts.
Well, you know what?
Sod it.
I’m not fiddling with my son’s pecker again, and I don’t care if the Pope himself tells me that I should (OK that was a bad metaphor. But still.)
Mothers around the world, please join me in a rousing chorus of “Why can’t doctors bloody agree among themselves and let us be?”
It’s a conspiracy, I tell you. A conspiracy to make moms feel like we are doing something wrong wrong WRONG no matter what we do or fail to do.
The ostriches are behind this. I have proof.
Updated Medical Bad Mom Post:Reason #85 – I don’t take proper care of my son’s penis. Read it now! http://1000reasonsimabadmom.com/reason-8...
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My friend wrote up a hilarious (yet accurate) argument about circumcision. Read it at his blog: http://thingsthatshouldntstillexist.wordpress.com/2010/09/23/03-circumcision/
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ofthesea Reply:
October 2nd, 2010 at 10:15 am
It is both hilarious and accurate.
Note: It is also not for the faint of heart.
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You know, our family practice doctor has mentioned it… but I just leave it alone, too. I’ve read numerous places that it’s just fine the way it is, so…. I leave it, just the way it is.
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ofthesea Reply:
September 18th, 2010 at 7:16 pm
I’m with you on that one! Let the doctor mention what he will!
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Yeah. I can’t respond to a post about your son’s penis…….
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ofthesea Reply:
September 16th, 2010 at 4:33 pm
But what about the post about a psycho military orphanage?
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Umm..Okay…so I’m not trying to rub it in…(oh, maybe that’s not a good way to put it in a penis-post-comment) But, this post made me really glad I’m having a girl.
Just kidding. (sort of)
Amy
Amy recently posted Showered With Love Part 2- September 15- 2010
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ofthesea Reply:
September 16th, 2010 at 6:37 am
Oh yeah? Well, we’ll see who’s laughing in 14 years when period time comes.
Just kidding. (sort of)
Nah, really kidding! :*
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Seriously, I ask again, what doctors are you seeing? I asked my pediatricien this after reading your last blog, and he literally laughed at me. He asked me if I washed him regularly, which of course I do, and he said that was all I had to do.
You need to research for a doctor that isn’t high on crack.
Kelsey recently posted Pamprin is NOT for Men
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ofthesea Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 8:05 pm
Maybe it’s the Costa Rican way? *shrug*
The doctors can say what they like, I’m not going to harass my boy any more. All I would probably accomplish is to make him want to get a Prince Albert the second he turns of age.
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Leave it alone! Who does that. Really??? I have three little boys and they are on thier own when it comes to thier little penis’!
Magically Ordinary recently posted Leaning Tower of Breakfast Dishes
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ofthesea Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 8:06 pm
I am totally leaving C’s peepee alone. I’m sure it will sort itself out JUST FINE without me messing with it on a daily basis!
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I’m with you, no need to fiddle with that region at all….
Doctors thrive on keeping us mere mortals confused, they have to maintain the illusion that they have all the answers.
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ofthesea Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 3:43 pm
Sing with me, really loud: “Why can’t doctors bloody agree among themselves and let us be-e-eee?”
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totally with you here.
It’s like they always come up with the opposite of what we’re doing, even when we try to do the exact opposite of what they tell us to do, because we KNOW they are just testing us, there no win for us here, ever. *sigh*
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ofthesea Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 3:42 pm
That just made me think of the Princess Bride. Win!
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ok, i hope no doctors are reading this, because- doctors are idiots! hahaha. GOOD FOR YOU for leaving his little wanger alone. i can guarantee you that it will be fine. ;)
not blessed mama recently posted 10 Glorious Things Someone Should Have Told You About Motherhood
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ofthesea Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 11:44 am
Heck yeah! “hands off” is the way to go!
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When I can’t think of anything appropriate to say?
I just giggle like a 5 year old.
Nigel recently posted Excerpt – Jack and Laura
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ofthesea Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 11:44 am
Since when are you bothered about what’s appropriate?
Giggling is always good, tho!
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Nigel Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 11:46 am
Well, I don’t want to flood your blog with my inappropriateness. I like to save that for places where innocent eyes will not travel.
See? I’m looking out for you.
Nigel recently posted Excerpt – Jack and Laura
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ofthesea Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 12:22 pm
Dear readers: Nigel called you “innocent”. How SWEET is he?
You’re a woman after my own heart:D
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