Reason #94 – The Perfect Storm
Reason #94 – The Perfect Storm
Oct 04It was a dark and stormy night.
It was not really raining, but it was definitely one of those nights in which everything comes together to create the perfect storm – the sum of a thousand little annoyances that results in the Mother Of All Tantrums.
And C was quite unhappy, too.
I could have written a good dozen reasons out of this one night, but I’ll spit them all out together to better show the composition and art that went into that perfect storm.
1. “I let my son eat ice cream for dinner.”
C got the best of his grandma and auntie and had a dinner he would never have been allowed at home: a bowl of chocolate-swirl vanilla ice cream. I guess it is indirectly my fault since I didn’t pry it out of his mouth.
2. “I mess my son’s bedtime routine so he can perform a strip show.”
C took his bath one full hour ahead of schedule only because my mom wanted to see him naked. I was dead against it, but again, I allowed it.
3. “I send my boy to bed early to have more ‘me’ time.”
Having eaten and taken his bath, there was only one thing for him to do: crash. He fell asleep an hour ahead of schedule. That alone spelled disaster. Oh well… I decided to use the free time wisely and sat down to watch a crappy horror film with my sister and her boyfriend.
4. “I make my baby watch horror films.”
C woke screeching 2 hours after falling asleep, when we were about 3/4 into the stupid horror film. So of course I brought him in to watch it with us, because I needed to find out how it ended. It ended stupidly.
5. “I let my baby stay up till 10 pm.”
C played, he walked, he sang. I got tired and decided to put him back to bed around 10 pm. Might as well have put him on the rack. Or myself, to cut the middleman.
6. “I drug my son to make him sleep.”
C wasn’t having any of the “It’s time to go to bed and sleep” thing, so I gave him a good dose of baby aspirin to help him relax. Note: it is not a good idea to give a reluctant child a dropper of blood-red medicine right after watching a horror film, however crappy. I’m still freaked out.
7. “I pour lethal chemicals into my baby’s eyes.”
C was wiggling so much I got some of the medicine in his eye. God help me.
8. “I force-feed my child.”
I tried to force C to drink some milk to stop him crying because of the medicine in his eye to get over the bad mediciney taste. It didn’t go down well. I tried harder.
9. “I force-feed my son until he throws up.”
C threw up.
10. “I threaten my child with violence.”
At this point, and while I cleaned the puke and retrieved the bottle C had flung across the room, I may or may not have grumbled: “Brilliant, now all you have left to do is to fall out of the bed, and if you do I swear I’ll spank you.”
11. “My evil witchy ways bring my child misfortune”
C fell immediately out of the bed.
12. “I am not consistent with discipline and consequences.”
I didn’t spank him.
(Lucky) 13. “I take the Lord’s name in vain in front of my son.”
My mom appeared at this point (and not a second sooner,) asking “What are you doing to my poor darling boy?” At which point I may or may not have turned the air blue. In three languages.
What. A. Flip-flopping. Night.
Can I go on holiday now? Please?
Updated extra-rude Bad Mom Post:Reason #94 – The Perfect Storm. Read it now! http://1000reasonsimabadmom.com/reason-9...
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Welcome to Motherhood! If you were not a good mother, you would not even realize that there were mistakes made. We all lose our temper from time to time.
Michelle Saunderson recently posted Soccer Weekend
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ofthesea Reply:
October 9th, 2010 at 8:49 pm
Temper? I lost 7/8 of my mind then and there!
“Mistakes were made.” Gotta love politician-speak.
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Oy, you poor dear!
Serene recently posted Hippychicks Have to Bake Bread- Right
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ofthesea Reply:
October 7th, 2010 at 3:08 pm
Ask me if we’re staying at my mom’s again.
He can crash there. Or me. But both at the same time?
Not. A. Chance.
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Serene Reply:
October 7th, 2010 at 3:17 pm
Wise woman!
Serene recently posted Hippychicks Have to Bake Bread- Right
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Ooooh, I know those kind of nights. I had my girls 14 months apart, so I was tagged teamed from time-to-time. MAN. So glad THOSE nights are over!
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ofthesea Reply:
October 6th, 2010 at 7:41 am
Lucky you! I’ve still got quite a few to go…
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It is only wrong if the person eating it is under 1 year old AND has to go to sleep in an hour.
Otherwise bring on the rocky road!
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Hello Fellow Lamby! What a wearing night; I feel your pain and can understand the unfolding of this dram… You do see it coming with that early sleep bit. Yes dear, you deserve a little vaca. Glad to connect.
Elizabeth
ElizOF recently posted From Brides to Bridezillas
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ofthesea Reply:
October 5th, 2010 at 9:00 pm
Lambs unite!
Yeah, bed before 7? Like a Gremlin, only worse.
What do I have to do to see a photo of your wedding outfit? Your blog post left me completely hooked! *bambi eyes*
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Is there something wrong with ice cream for dinner? Hell…I serve it to my husband sometimes!
Erin recently posted What do you mean I have to PICK THE WINE!
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Oh you poor thing! I too have had nights like this. Stopping by from the SITS Lamby group to introduce myself :-) x
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ofthesea Reply:
October 5th, 2010 at 3:55 pm
Welcome, fellow lamb!
Thank goodness those nights are few and far between, because they are the makings of an axe murderess!
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What was the horror movie? How did it end?
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ofthesea Reply:
October 5th, 2010 at 8:47 am
I linked to it. It ended with the stupidest plot twist ever – seriously, it makes M Night Shyamalan look good in comparison.
I love bad horror films, but I hate stupid endings.
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Love the entire night – feel for ya mostly tho – been there many times with 4 kids of my own…the only thing I haven’t done on your list is give medicine to make them go to bed – but that doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about it!
Mellisa recently posted I am a Rockstar Mom
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ofthesea Reply:
October 5th, 2010 at 8:48 am
4 kids and no drugs? How do you do it?
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I just store it up for the days (far in the future, if you please) when I convince my grandchildren that I am a goddess. Cookie? Oh, honey…take FOUR cookies. And while you’re at it, have a little super-caffeinated hot cocoa. Your mama won’t mind. She LOVES it when you eat sugar. She says that it makes you sparkle! While you’re at it, go play with your great-grandmother. She likes you sparkly, as well.
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ofthesea Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 9:56 pm
Damn, you’re GOOD!
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Holy crap, that stuff is wrong? Once again, explains so much.
I don’t have kids, just dogs, which seems like a smarter and smarter thing… I would clearly be a danger as a parent. Yikes.
Brahm (alfred lives here) recently posted Elle Magazine prefers skinny white chicks
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ofthesea Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 9:56 pm
And I would totally be a danger as a pet-owner. I’m sure your dogs are thanking the Dog God right now that they’re owned by you and not me!
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whoa, that would’ve made me *so* stabby! congrats on not going completely mental on their asses.
and congrats on being the Featured Blogger at Studio 30+! xo
Nenette recently posted project 333- and go!
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ofthesea Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 6:04 pm
I have a very rich inner life, and I go really stabby there. That’s how I keep my serene and composed demeanour (yeah RIGHT.)
And hell to the YEAH, I’m over the moon about 30+!
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Just wait ’til he starts talking in full sentences. I will swear on a stack of holy books of your choice that my eldest’s third, fourth, fifth and sixth words were, “I’m gonna tell Granny!”. Yeah. That works.
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ofthesea Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 4:32 pm
Were the first two: “BAD MOMMA!”?
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Bella Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 5:57 pm
The first time this kid rolled her eyes at me, she was nine months old.
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ofthesea Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 6:15 pm
One of the best things about C is that he has no idea of how bad a job I’m doing.
Yet.
I LOVE your blog.
I’ve done every single one of those things you’ve mentioned.
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ofthesea Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 12:49 pm
Thank you!
But have you done them All. At. Once?
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And then Grandma comes, soothes your sad and abused baby and makes all of the crap mommy memories disappear with her magic touch. The end.
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ofthesea Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 12:49 pm
I knew you would understand why I wanted to murder both of them!
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Whoa what a night. Hope today is better for you!
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ofthesea Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 7:49 am
So do I. So do I.
Now where is my caffeine drip?
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