Reason #95 – I didn’t breastfeed my son enough
Reason #95 – I didn’t breastfeed my son enough
Oct 06My son is 5 days shy of his first birthday. I really really thought I was safe.
How naive of me.
I will never be safe from the breastfeeding nazis!
C has a recalcitrant cold that came here to stay, toothbrush and all. It has waxed and waned since we got back from Denmark, and last week it dawned on me: “Holy hell, we got back from Denmark 2 1/2 months ago and he’s still coughing!”
Stellar parenting, right there.
Our old beloved doc (the one who gave me the bad penis advice) is way too far to visit from our new place, so I asked around and decided to audition a doctor closer to where we live.
The doctor was really sweet, and she got C at ease in a matter of seconds after making us wait for over an hour, the rude c**t. While C romped around chewing on septic doctor’s office toys, I sat down and chatted with her while she filled his medical history.
“Family asthma?” Yeah.
“Heart disease?” None.
“Diabetes?” Yeah.
“Allergies?” None. Not even to strawberries.
“How long did you breastfeed?” 3 1/2 months.
*Cue Hitchcock violins*
And then the previously sweet and normal doctor went totally psycho on my ass.
I was reminded of this old Goofy cartoon (go to 1:15 for my exact experience!) which I found terrifying as a kid and still find pretty scary now:
My word, she was mad!
“You gave him formula, didn’t you? DIDN’T YOU??”
“Erm… well… yeah, he stopped breastfeeding when he cut his first teeth, and I had to feed him something…”
“It was wrong! You should never have given him formula! Formula is the devil! Once they try a bottle ALL IS LOST!!”
“Um… uh… you see… I was never much of a milk maker…. and he was so big and hungry…”
“NO! YOU DID WRONG! EVIL, WICKED BAD MOMMA!”
And then she fetched a rolled-up newspaper and smacked me on the nose.
Seriously, she gave it to me so bad I nearly peeled a boob then and there to try and force-breastfeed C. Nevermind that he hasn’t been anywhere near them in over 8 months – I was ready to do anything to stop the tongue lashing. Oo-ee.
And I couldn’t even go for my usual defense: “But look how well he is!” because we were at the flipping doctor complaining about a 2 1/2 month cough. She had me right where she wanted me. Bitch.
Well, hell. Yes the boy is dripping snot, and yes he coughs like a seal, but egad he is gorgeous and you’ve never seen a happier tot. Cough and snot and formula and all.
So Dear rude, inconsiderate and judgmental Doctor: Bite. Me.
Also, see you next month.
(I’ll be one full hour late. See if I’m not.)
I breast-fed as long as possible…. All of one month. My milk dried up, thanks to the meds the doctors put me on. So, it was formula or starve. And both my babies were over ten pounds birth weight, so they ate a LOT. I get grief from the anti-formula camp all the time, but I brush it off. My babies are healthy, are a good height and weight, rarely have any sickness, and are disturbingly smart and resourceful. The only problem we’ve ever had is that they can’t handle lactose (Daddy can’t stomach it, either), so we had to use soy. I wish I could have breast-fed much longer, but it just wasn’t possible. People really shouldn’t pass judgement without getting the full story first.
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ofthesea Reply:
March 9th, 2012 at 7:44 am
You said it! Yes yes, “breast is best”, but it is not always possible. Now everyone back off my tits, tyvm.
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i tried to breastfeed my daughter, but it took several days for my milk to come in, & by the time it did, my daughter was hooked on the bottle. i was a little disappointed, but my daughter was a very easy, healthy, happy baby. i was lucky enough not to encounter any breastfeeding nazis. harrassing you for something that cant be changed is kind of pointless. my last employer is still breastfeeding her nearly 2yr old son. to each his own, i guess.
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ofthesea Reply:
August 11th, 2011 at 2:58 pm
Ooh, hope you never get to encounter a BFN – they can be really, really nasty.
Which is why I’m on a personal vendetta against them. Being the mom of a newborn is hard enough without the extra pressure!
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I fed my LO myself for 13 months and he had one cold after another, and still does. Not only that, but I did it because he gets eczema, and it was supposed to help, only for some new research to come out (once he was weaned) saying that it can make eczema worse! Also I had to take him to be weighed every two weeks because he was too light.
I haven’t had any more kids, but I don’t think I would bother with it again if I did.
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ofthesea Reply:
August 11th, 2011 at 2:58 pm
I’m going to research this to the bottom, see if I don’t!
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with all due respect briana, sometimes formula straight from birth is the only option. too many docs/nurses/lactation consultants hear that a mom chooses not to breastfeed at all and they go into nazi mode. they never stop to ask why. too many assume that if you are producing good milk and that all the anatomy is working right on both mom and kiddo that breastfeeding is the only right option. sometimes it’s not.
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oh i had to jump in on this one…..i would have gone totally off on that doc. i despise the breastfeeding nazis with a passion unknown to mortal man! i tried and succeeded in breastfeeding my oldest son for a whole week. during that week he lost 3 pounds of his birthweight, developed jaundice, was covered in a severe rash, and rushed to the ER with respiratory problems. ya wanna know why….because i breastfed him! yup, it was all because of the breastfeeding. he was allergic to my milk. it’s rare, but it’s also genetic. i was allergic to my mom’s, but the docs and nurses kept saying the odds of it happening to my kid were so small and that breastfeeding was so good i kept at it. and it almost killed my son. thankfully he is now a healthy happy almost 13 year old. the next two kids, well, i didn’t even attempt to breastfeed them. i just wasn’t willing to go there again. you can bet i heard it form the nazis out there, but never once did my two youngest boys ever taste breastmilk. and yup, they are healthy happy kiddos. i am all for those who choose to breastfeed, but when narrowminded morons like that doc come in the pic, i have ZERO patience for them. next time that little angel of your has an appointment with her, call me, i’ll come give her a piece of my very outspoken rendneck mind. :)
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ofthesea Reply:
August 10th, 2011 at 9:45 pm
I never ever EVER set foot in that bitch’s practice again.
Here’s hoping our new vet will be sane!
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I had the same issue with mild production combined with GIANT boobs when my milk came in so I spent the first month of Paxton’s life pumping (with a hand pump no less) so that he could bottle feed the breast milk. I had to start supplementing formula at 3 weeks since I couldn’t keep up with his 3 – 4 oz demands every 2 hours. I weaned him after 4 months since I couldn’t take him nursing for and hour and then wanting a bottle of formula 1/2 hour later!
Breastfeeding nazis be damned!
ps. I totally remember that Goofy clip from my childhood as well :)
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Alisha Reply:
October 21st, 2010 at 1:44 pm
sorry *milk* not mild. (the one time I don’t proofread before commenting …)
Alisha recently posted Parenting Tip for my Darling Husband
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I think I would have looked right at her and said “I didn’t think it was a good idea since I started my crack habit again”. And then I would have gotten a new doctor.
Michelle Saunderson recently posted Soccer Weekend
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ofthesea Reply:
October 9th, 2010 at 8:48 pm
Why didn’t I think of this? WHY??????
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OY! I think I’d be finding a new doctor… that’s a bit over the top! Stopping by from SITS Lamby.
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ofthesea Reply:
October 7th, 2010 at 8:53 pm
Why, is it not normal where you live for doctors to smack patient’s moms with a rolled up newspaper?
No, you’re right. She IS a rude-ass bitch. But she cured his cough!
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I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to breast feed until they’re five. At least that’s what one of my student’s moms told us one time.
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ofthesea Reply:
October 7th, 2010 at 4:18 pm
I thought it was until they left home. Of course, you can always kick them out at 5!
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GINA Reply:
September 26th, 2011 at 4:04 am
haha that’s a good one xx
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Mommy’s Medication = 2 glasses of wine a night. Puts me in a chill mood and the kid..Yeah, well. He can make himself a cheese sandwich and knows what channel cartoons are on. Its a win/win for us both.
Oh, and I totally let daycare potty train him. Ick.
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You need a new doc, stat. That incredibly rude boor!
Serene recently posted Hippychicks Have to Bake Bread- Right
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ofthesea Reply:
October 7th, 2010 at 3:08 pm
Why am I so unlucky with baby doctors? Waaah!
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My little guy J never had a drop of breast milk in his tiny body and guess what?! He is so smart and so sweet and totally healthy. You know when he does get sick? When the snotty, drippy, sneezy kids at school get their germs on him. Otherwise…healthy as a horse. Formula as a baby and a McDonalds happy meal last night. Better call Child Protective Services :)
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ofthesea Reply:
October 7th, 2010 at 2:05 pm
Will you come with me to my next vet’s appointment and hold my hand?
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I could devote years of blogging to Potty Training. The jealousy I felt when everyone in his 2/3 year old class moved into underwear. The frustration I have felt over having to explain to EVERYONE UNDER THE SUN why he stills pees/poops in his pants at age 7.5 years. The incredible messes I have cleaned up in every known type of inside/outside setting you can imagine. The sobbing we both did on a Wednesday on the way out out the door of “the best Pre-School in my neighborhood” after he got kicked out for not being potty trained. The Mommy Meltdown I had in the church parking lot one day when he pooped two major blowouts twice in a row and all I had for cleanup the second time was a drop of water and a small kleenex. The discussions with the doctor over the years that resolved nothing. The Behavior Modification Chart. And once again….I could include a Daily Comedy Corner to the MOUNDS of advice. Finally…along comes the little ADD pill and things are getting better.
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ofthesea Reply:
October 7th, 2010 at 1:31 pm
I am ALL for medication of any kind. Glad to hear it’s getting better! I definitely don’t look forward to potty training…
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Wonder what kind of nonsense she would have told me since my kid lived in a Russian orphanage for the first 9 months of his life. That I should have flown to Siberia the second he was born, blown away any Russian Government Officials in my way, bypassed the US Embassy to smuggle him out, and then strapped on some contraption so I could pretend to breastfeed?
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ofthesea Reply:
October 7th, 2010 at 10:36 am
At the very least! What kind of mother are you!?
Now seriously: wow, your son is one LUCKY kid! And I bet you are one lucky momma to have him, breastfeeding be damned.
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Amy in Atlanta Reply:
October 7th, 2010 at 11:59 am
You got that right! My 7-year old son just got diagnosed with ADD which affected potty training. I’ve gotten MORE unsolicited advice on those issues that you can possibly imagine!!!!! According to other parents (but not his doctor) everything I did was wrong and everything others suggested was right. It’s amazing how parenting somehow makes some people a genius and the rest of us morons.
After 5 frustrating-potty-training-years the last thing I ever want to hear again are the words “just buy him a toy and put it in his closet and promise you will give it to him if he stays clean for a week.”
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ofthesea Reply:
October 7th, 2010 at 12:01 pm
Ah, but don’t get me started on doctors: THOSE don’t agree among themselves either, so it’s a frenzy of “you absolutely must do this” vs “don’t even dare think about it.”
I trust my instinct. And god help whoever comes judging my parenting… because I’ll write about them!
Get yourself another pedi, mama! Ugh! I only breastfed my son until he’s 8 months old and he stopped. The first time I went back home to Indonesia, the boy got sick so I took him to see a doctor and I got lectured about stop breastfeeding, I feel like I could landed the guy a few punches!
He’s a cute boy for sure. Hope he’ll feel better soon!
Maureen recently posted When Indonesian &38 French Collided
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ofthesea Reply:
October 7th, 2010 at 6:52 am
You should totally have smacked him upside the head!! He was giving you hell after EIGHT MONTHS??? Sheesh!
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I breastfed my daughter for 7 months and she has a cold right now (at 9 months)…and my oldest was only breastfed for 3 weeks and she was NEVER sick. People are crazy. They say it is better (and it probably is…I am not starting a “vs” fight here) but my oldest is brilliant and was, again, only breastfed for 3 weeks and my middle son was breastfed for 6 months and has autism (although still pretty awesome) so there is no telling and children tend to turn out how they will turn out either way. Dr’s shouldn’t judge…it is against the rules.
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ofthesea Reply:
October 7th, 2010 at 6:57 am
Hell yeah. It should be *recommended*, sure enough, but no one should tell a new mother wth to do with her boobs. As if everything else didn’t hurt enough already!
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Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! I am so sick of people saying formula is the devil. If someone is not breastfeeding, for whatever reason, what the hell are they supposed to give the baby? Steak? Potato chips? Tequila? Boo to that doctor and boo to all breastfeeding nazi’s.
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ofthesea Reply:
October 6th, 2010 at 8:35 pm
Anything but fancy-pants hypoallergenic formula, clearly. That is the worst you can give a child.
I should have gone for sugar water like my mom suggested…
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Wow. What’s with the judging?? My boys were born 8 weeks premature and were in the NICU for a month, and the doctors there ENCOURAGED formula feeding if you weren’t able/chose not to breastfeed. It’s too bad you had such a bad first experience with her, especially if her assessment and treatment were spot on for C and you plan to go back.
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ofthesea Reply:
October 6th, 2010 at 8:19 pm
I’ll go back ONCE. If she makes me wait more than 15 minutes, she’s toast. I don’t expect the breastfeeding issue to come up ever again.
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It’s so funny how people (including medical professionals) get so damn uptight on this subject. My mom didn’t breastfeed any of her kids. We’ve always been healthy. I only breastfed my kids for a short time– they are fine. My cousin breastfed both of her girls until they were a year old. Those kids are 5 and 8 AND sick all the time. So it’s a crap shoot, and I don’t think it has anything to do with breast milk.
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ofthesea Reply:
October 6th, 2010 at 4:26 pm
Spoken like a true sage!
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WOW – I thought doctor’s were supposed to dispense advice, recommendations and insights never had one that got mad at me for making a choice about something. I wouldn’t go back and I most certainly would have let her know it. Hope that your little one is doing better.
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ofthesea Reply:
October 6th, 2010 at 4:28 pm
That’s the catch – he is doing LOTS better! Meaning she did that part of the job well.
But I will look for another one, see how it goes.
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Wow, I wouldn’t go back to her at all. Ever. There is zero point to berating a mother about breastfeeding, especially after the fact, and I would be concerned that her emotions and judgements would interfere with her observation skills and problem solving.
Her response should have been something along the lines of “Good for you, three and a half months is better than not at all. He got his first tooth before four months, really? Interesting. Too bad you couldn’t continue, as breastfeeding is associated with increased resistance to diseases, but it’s not like formula causes kids to keel over dead with the sniffles.”
I’m on the other end of the spectrum too. You should’ve seen Leif’s mother’s expression. We were discussing calcium supplements, and she expressed surprise that I was taking them. “Sure,” I said, “I don’t want to get osteoporosis, and breastfeeding leeches calcium out of your bones and teeth so badly. Two and a half years of it adds up!” She looked shocked, horrified, disgusted, incredulous, and more than a little worried about the sanity of her son’s girlfriend.
Hmmm. There’s an alternative approach for you with that doctor. “Yeah, but I bet you my bones are healthier for it!” :)
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ofthesea Reply:
October 6th, 2010 at 2:11 pm
Yeah. I’ll go for the follow up on his cold and then find another. Who does not make me wait for AN HOUR with a toddler.
And hey, at least my bones benefitted from it!
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We were lucky when we had to switch at 4mo. EVERYONE kept telling me “It not the end of the world if you use formula every now and again, or even if you give up on breastfeeding.” The annoying thing is when people DON’T try hard enough, ie straight to formula at birth. I think if gives the rest of us a bad rep.
BTW, did she really say all of that? Wow.
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ofthesea Reply:
October 6th, 2010 at 1:22 pm
I may have taken a little poetic license, but she chewed me out all right!
She also totally hit me with a rolled-up newspaper! (OK, ok, she didn’t)
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Time to change doctors. I would have had to slap that bitchy doctor!
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ofthesea Reply:
October 6th, 2010 at 1:23 pm
I know! Off to look for our 3rd doctor in a year. *sigh*
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To hell with the breastfeeding Nazi’s!!
I formula fed both my girls, they’re now 7 and 5 … happy, healthy, normal children … and yes, they get colds just like everyone else.
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ofthesea Reply:
October 6th, 2010 at 9:22 am
“Nooo! How DARE you! Those POOR POOR DEPRIVED girls!!”
Breastfeeding Nazis can seriously go fug themselves. We all do the best we can and that is &*%^ good enough!
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Egads! I wouldn’t go back to her. Don’t we mothers suffer enough Mommy Guilt? Breast feeding is a choice. Plain and simple. She wouldn’t dare tell you how to wear you hair now would she? You took it REALLY well. I must applaud you. I couldn’t breastfeed my son for long either and had to resort to the formula. My milk just dried up. I breastfed my daughter for over a year, so I think she drank all my lifetime milk up! Lol!
Stopping by from Lamby to say HI!
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ofthesea Reply:
October 6th, 2010 at 7:42 am
I know, she’s a judgmental bitch that made us wait for an hour – but her assessment and treatment of C’s cough was SPOT ON. He’s so much better after just one week!
So I may bite the bullet and give her another chance. If she does either of those things again, however, it’s over.
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