The reasons, so far

• Reason #1 – I cannot be away from my laptop
• Reason #2 – I bring C home late
• Reason #3 – I let C chew unsuitable things
• Reason #4 – I don’t bathe C often enough
• Reason #5 – I use Judo holds on a toddler
• Reason #6 – Facebook Scrabble
• Reason #7 – I let my baby starve to death. On a regular basis.
• Reason #8 – I call my child “this”
• Reason #9 – I bribe my babysitter with beer
• Reason #10 – I let C use a walker
• Reason #11 – I enable my baby’s drug habit
• Reason #12 – Can you say paparazzi?
• Reason #13 – I make C drink bad formula
• Reason #14 – I win unfairly, and then I rub it in
• Reason #15 – I’d rather read a cheap paperback than look at my amazing child
• Reason #16 – I steal the food from my son's plate
• Reason #17 – I stop loving my child at 9:30 pm
• Reason #18 – I nearly got us kicked out of swimming school
• Reason #19 – I only buy the cheapest clothes for C
• Reason #20 – I ask strangers to look after my child
• Reason #21 – I become helpless when someone helps me
• Reason #22A – I bogart my child
• Reason #22B – I neglect my child
• Reason #23 - I'll stop at nothing to have a night out
• Reason #24 – I deprive my son of the most basic childhood joy
• Reason #25 – I take drugs and neglect my child
• Reason #26 – My child’s hunger cries make me laugh
• Reason #27 – I poison my son and he loves it
• Reason #28 – I go all Mexican wrestler on my baby’s ass
• Reason #29 - I gave in to peer pressure and left my baby on a sidewalk
• Reason #30 – Nobody said it is only for Starbucks
• Reason #31 – Parenting is not a popularity contest, right?
• Reason #32 - I use my baby as a scapegoat for funny noises
• Reason #33 – I strip my son of his dignity for my own amusement
• Reason #34 - Someone else will have to teach my kid manners
• Reason #35 - I'm a bad mom because I'll never carry Mini Post-Its.
• Reason #36 – I gloated at my incredible babysitter’s one failure
• Reason #37 – I’m a selfish, inconsiderate egomaniac
• Reason #38 - I make my son wear filthy rags
• Reason #39 - I use an "Alice in Wonderland" approach to baby nutrition
• Reason #40 - I sing my boy to sleep to Stone Temple Pilots
• Reason #41 – My baby is so hungry he has to hunt to eat.
• Reason #42 - I forget how old my baby is, and he's not even 1
• Reason #43 - My baby gets bottles of cold, old formula.
• Reason #44 - It takes an act of violence to make me spend time with my son
• Reason #45 - I risk my baby's life out of curiousity
• Reason #46 - I pimp my baby boy out for money
• Reason #47 - I don't cherish memories of my son's baby milestones
• Reason #48 - My blog is more important to me than my son
• Reason #49 – I make my son sleep outdoors
• Reason #50 - I tell my child I will exchange him for another
• Reason #51 – To wipe or not to wipe?
• Reason #52 - My magic powers keep my baby safe from harm
• Reason #53 – I fool my baby into thinking I am talking to him
• Reason #54 – I refuse to give my baby Early Stimulation
• Reason #55 - I sing extremely rude songs to my boy
• Reason #56 - It's work if I say it is.
• Reason #57 – I don’t love my baby before 7 a.m.
• Reason #58 – A series of unfortunate Tweets
• Reason #59 – Everyone says I'm a bad mom, so it must be true
• Reason #59b – It’s official now: the Internet said I’m a Crap Mom
• Reason #60 - I almost ripped my son's penis off
• Reason #61 - I prefer doing dishes than playing with my son
• Reason #62 - I abandoned my boy in daycare until 7:30 pm
• Reason #63 – I missed my son’s first steps
• Reason #64 – I make up stories about my son’s “real” parents
• Reason #65 – I make my son play with rubbish
• Reason #66 – I don’t see my baby for days on end
• Reason #67 – I treat my baby like a dog
• Reason #68 - I plan to use my baby to start a cult
• Reason #69 – I let my son stew in his own wee
• Reason #70 – My baby got kidnapped right before my eyes
• Reason #71 – I spend money on makeup while my baby sleeps in a broken crib
• Reason #72 – My baby sleeps on a bed of nails
• Reason #73 – I don't miss my child one bit
• Reason #74 – My son begs strangers for food
• Reason #75 - I emptied my son's savings account
• Reason #76 - My son sleeps on cardboard
• Reason #77 - I threw a bottle at my boy
• Reason #78 - I let my baby play in a radioactive dump
• Reason #79 - I crush my son's fighting spirit
• Reason #81 - I keep my baby awake against his will
• Reason #83 - Is it affection... or a hallucination?
• Reason #84 - I let my boy scream till someone else rescues him
• Reason #85 - I don't take proper care of my son's penis
• Reason #86 - I want to banish my boy to a psycho military orphanage
• Reason #87 - A night in the Chamber of Baby Torture
• Reason #88 – I taught my son that spitting is funny
• Reason #89 - Bruises, cuts and scratches, oh my!
• Reason #90 – My son is turning into a cannibal vampire
• Reason #91 – I am cheating on my son
• Reason #92 - I am making my son dumb and insecure
• Reason #93 - I let my kid starve because I'm dumb
• Reason #94 – The Perfect Storm
• Reason #95 - I didn't breastfeed my son enough
• Reason #96 - My boy kicked me out of our bedroom
• Reason #97 - I don't want to bring my boy to the beach
• Reason #98 - I never carry my son
• Reason #99 - Words fail me
• Reason #100 - A stranger on the street tries to save my son's life
• Reason #101 - My son doesn't miss me
• Reason #102 - I got my son hooked on gambling
• Reason #103 - My son terrorises Swedish tourists
• Reason #104a - I let my baby cry until he vomits
• Reason #104b - I am dooming my boy to a lifetime of insomnia
• Reason #105 - I use my son as scam bait
• Reason #106 - I laugh at my son's Cries of Despair
• Reason #108 - I don't want to communicate with my son yet
• Reason #110 - I let my boy learn from his mistakes
• Reason #111 - "Just add water" is too difficult for me
• Reason #112 – I went to New York and all C got was a lousy t-shirt
• Reason #113 – I looked forward to the end of Maternity Leave
• Reason #114 – I shake C like a Polaroid picture
• Reason #115 - I go all Spanish Inquisition on my baby's ass
• Reason #116 - My son is nothing but deadweight to me
• Reason #117 - Injury and (psychological) Trauma
• Reason #117 - Injury and (psychological) Trauma, continued
• Reason #118 - I don't want to know about my son's health
• Reason #119 – I ruined the beach for my son – and everyone else
• Reason #120 – I tried to give my son asthma
• Reason #121 - I let my son get away with domestic violence
• Help me revamp 1000 Reasons!
• Reason #122 – I read inappropriate bedtime books to my baby
• Reason #123 – I make a mockery of Christmas
• Reason #124 – I lost my son
• Reason #125 – My neighbours feed my son breakfast
• Reason #126 – The half-toy Christmas
• Reason #127 – I force my son to sleep so I can have time for myself
• Reason #128 – I am dooming my son to burn in Hell
• Reason #129 – I am bringing up my son with no sense of style
• Reason #130 – I prefer to look at photos of my child than to look at my child.
• Reason #132 – I call my son horrible, horrible names
• The Blessed Child's 2010 - Part 2
• The Blessed Child’s 2010 – Part 3
• The Blessed Child's 2010 - Part 4
• Reason #133 - I'd rather work on my wedding inspiration board than look after my kid
• Reason #134 – I let my son learn about surfaces the hard way
• Reason #135 - I let my son be eaten by savage beasts
• Reason #136 – I force my toddler to eat food that makes him sick
• Reason #137 - I bore my toddler to death
• Reason #138 - I mess with my son's penis again
• Reason #139 - I will never be a Girl Scout
• Reason #140 - I get rid of my child so I can get drunk
• Reason #141 - A shady bedtime routine
• Reason #142 – I prefer a tattooed girl to my son
• Reason #143 – I test drugs on my son
• Reason #144 - I make my boy watch drag shows
• Reason #145 - I give my son nightmares
• Reason #146 - I nearly killed my son of sunstroke
• Reason #147 – I save the best food all for myself
• Reason #148 - I call my son "Princess Pants"
• Reason #149 - I am turning my son into a man-whore
• Reason #150 – My son’s swift descent into addiction
• Reason #151 - I use my son as a pawn in a war against my husband
• Reason #152 – I leave my toddler unsupervised in the bathtub
• Reason #153 - I inflict lasting psychological damage on my child
• Reason #154 - I expose my toddler to porn
• Reason #155 - I let my son play in a disturbingly anatomical playground
• Reason #156 - Yet another stranger tries to save my son's life
• Reason #157 - The Doo Dah Disaster
• Reason #158 - My son bathes in piss
• Reason #159 - My son hates spending time with me
• Reason #160 - I nearly killed my son
• Reason #161 - Chicken, parent style
• Reason #162 - I like other kids better than mine
• Reason #163 - I let my son die of thirst
• Reason #164 - My son wallows in filth
• Reason #165 - My toddler is smarter than I am
• Reason #166 - I let my son run outside in the altogether
• Reason #167 - My baby sleeps on the floor
• Reason #168 - OMFG I think I just molested my son
• Reason #169 - I forget my son's second birthday
• Reason #170 - Barbarism begins at home
• Reason #171 - I make my son do all the hard work
• Reason #172 - I strive to make my baby cry
• Reason #173 - When is a boy old enough for softcore porn?
• Reason #174 - The happiest place on Earth? You bet.
• Reason #175 - I nearly lost my son in the Roskilde fjord
• Reason #176 - I call my son even more horrid names
• Reason #177 - I use the Vulcan Neck Pinch on my toddler
• Reason #178 - Crusty scalp leprosy
• Reason #179 – I hate the playground, part I
• Reason #180 - I clean the bathroom with my kid's clothes
• Reason #181 - I maul my child
• Reason #182 - I drive my son around in a defective carseat
• Reason #183 - I ruin my son's perfect beauty
• Reason #184 - I traumatize my baby boy
• Reason #185 - I play "Amantes Clandestinos" with my son
• Reason #186 - I don't want to potty train my toddler
• Reason #187 - I let my son read Scandinavian toddler porn
• Reason #188 - I let my son take a bullet for me
• Reason #189 - The missing monkey disaster
• Reason #190 - C's world
• Reason #191 - I don't want to hear my son's giggles
• Reason #192 - I left my toddler home alone
• Reason #193 - I dread spending a day with my kid
• Reason #194 - Clothes are more important to me than my son
• Reason #195 - I treat my child as a sex toy
• Reason #196 - I hate the playground, part II
• Reason #197 - I teach my son racist slurs are funny
• Reason #198 - I yell at my kid
• Reason #199 - I cannot read food labels
• Reason #200 - My son believes he is a dog
• Reason #201 - I don't make my son wash his hands
• Reason #202 - The REAL reasons I couldn't wait to get back home
• Reason #203 - I am a disgusting hypocrite
• Reason #204 - I try to give my son food poisoning
• Reason #205 - I electrocute my child
• Reason #206 - I give my son yet more material for psychotherapy
• Reason #207 - I make a mockery of Christmas AGAIN
• Reason #208 - I prefer a bag of twigs to my son
• Reason #209 - I killed Elmo
• Reason #210 - I get drunk on duty
• Reason #211 - I put my son in real danger
• Reason #212 - I'm teaching my boy to swear
• Reason #213 - I expose my kid to traumatic literature